Their Last Hope
A couple search for justice.8 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
You adequately accomplished what you set out to do with you story. I imagined two college students seeking justice. Your story is compelling and maintains the reader's interest. "Purposeful footsteps" adds a level of suspense, leading to a satisfying ending. Best wishes in the contest.
For your consideration:
sweat glistened on his forehead ('Sweat' begins a new sentence)
with one fluid movement she was through it ('With' begins a new sentence)
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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You adequately accomplished what you set out to do with you story. I imagined two college students seeking justice. Your story is compelling and maintains the reader's interest. "Purposeful footsteps" adds a level of suspense, leading to a satisfying ending. Best wishes in the contest.
For your consideration:
sweat glistened on his forehead ('Sweat' begins a new sentence)
with one fluid movement she was through it ('With' begins a new sentence)
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the review and the considerations, much appreciated.
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is another piece that lends itself to more questions than answers. I mean, how old is this Billy and why would he slam that door? Ha!
There is a font issue where it switches to smaller font in the middle of the story. Not sure why.
Good read!
D
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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This is another piece that lends itself to more questions than answers. I mean, how old is this Billy and why would he slam that door? Ha!
There is a font issue where it switches to smaller font in the middle of the story. Not sure why.
Good read!
D
Comment Written 18-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Douglas, I like to write long stories. When I see the word flash in the instructions, I immediately feel a sense of urgency to finish the story fast. I 100% agree with you, I might take this story and make it a nice long one :)
Comment from Brenda Strauser
I enjoyed reading your story. It was interesting and easy to follow along. It is well written. The picture goes well with the story. Very good job
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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I enjoyed reading your story. It was interesting and easy to follow along. It is well written. The picture goes well with the story. Very good job
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
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thank you Brenda, much appreciated.
Comment from Ric Myworld
The search for justice isn't always easy and the results aren't always what we've like for them to be. But on those rare occasions when things go right that keep us seeking the evidence. :-) Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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The search for justice isn't always easy and the results aren't always what we've like for them to be. But on those rare occasions when things go right that keep us seeking the evidence. :-) Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Ric
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Their Last Hope, begins with the required phrasing and tells a tale of young justice seekers poring through the closeted papers which bring the ring of truth to the hidden story.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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This story, Their Last Hope, begins with the required phrasing and tells a tale of young justice seekers poring through the closeted papers which bring the ring of truth to the hidden story.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
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much appreciated Bill :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I love stories about getting justice in life and your tale is pleasing and well presented.
I thought (symphony) just did not fit in this line, this is my suggestion:
(An army) of purposeful footsteps growing ever closer . . . .)
Good luck with the contest, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2024
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I love stories about getting justice in life and your tale is pleasing and well presented.
I thought (symphony) just did not fit in this line, this is my suggestion:
(An army) of purposeful footsteps growing ever closer . . . .)
Good luck with the contest, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 15-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Dolly, you have a point, now that I think about it a different word might have worked better, I am thinking cacophony?
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That sounds very good to me x x x
Comment from RodG
I like what you had in mind, but your story ends too soon. Let the reader know what the discovery was through more exchange between the characters. In other words, build the suspense before the guard arrives. Give us a sense of who Linda and Billy are.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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I like what you had in mind, but your story ends too soon. Let the reader know what the discovery was through more exchange between the characters. In other words, build the suspense before the guard arrives. Give us a sense of who Linda and Billy are.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Rod, you are so right, I didn't read the brief properly, I mistakenly thought it was a 100-word flash fiction. I only realized I had up to one thousand words after I had submitted it.
Comment from royowen
What an interest ion ambition, I'm pretty sure a lot of companies probably need checking out, but how difficult would that be? Beautifully written, it's a great entry in this contest, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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What an interest ion ambition, I'm pretty sure a lot of companies probably need checking out, but how difficult would that be? Beautifully written, it's a great entry in this contest, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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thank you Roy, much appreciated
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Most welcome
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Most welcome
