Gethsemane
A 5-7-5 poem3 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written 575 and I enjoyed reading it very much. It has a powerful message that we need. Especially at this time of year. Have a good day and God bless. Patricia .
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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This is a very well written 575 and I enjoyed reading it very much. It has a powerful message that we need. Especially at this time of year. Have a good day and God bless. Patricia .
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Thank you for your review and lovely comments. God bless you.
Comment from SimianSavant
Now this is a more down-to-earth and stark portrayal of Jesus in the garden compared to some of the more flowery depictions I have read lately.
I still think you could amp this up a little. How about making the text look the color of blood. And maybe darken up the background, as he is praying there at night. You may have to experiment a bit to make sure the text stands out.
You already have a pic of him in a garden of sorts so think about which words are the most necessary to say. "There" is the weakest word in this haiku. Maybe you could change the order around to omit it. For example:
In Gethsemane
Deserted, praying alone,
Jesus sweated blood
Hope this helps,
SS
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Now this is a more down-to-earth and stark portrayal of Jesus in the garden compared to some of the more flowery depictions I have read lately.
I still think you could amp this up a little. How about making the text look the color of blood. And maybe darken up the background, as he is praying there at night. You may have to experiment a bit to make sure the text stands out.
You already have a pic of him in a garden of sorts so think about which words are the most necessary to say. "There" is the weakest word in this haiku. Maybe you could change the order around to omit it. For example:
In Gethsemane
Deserted, praying alone,
Jesus sweated blood
Hope this helps,
SS
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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I appreciate the advice. I will try to incorporate your suggestions. Thank you.
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No need to contact them, as this is not a moderated contest. You are fine.
To get rid of the highlighting you might have to toggle into the basic editor and remove the HTML tags for the highlighting. If you haven't edited HTML code before, this may be tricky, but if you are able to just extract your text and start over on the formatting, that might work for you. (Save your text, then delete everything on the basic editor, save the piece in plain text offline, then copy it all back into the advanced editor and edit the styling accordingly).
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I have had trouble connecting to fanstory. I have , I think, made the necessary changes now. Thanks for your advice.
Comment from nomi338
The blood, the sacrificial blood of Jesus bore so much power, so much significant meaning that it was worth more than gold. Down to this day, it had and has the power to save all those who believe and accept its power. Sadly, there are those who reject its saving power. There is little or no hope for those who will not wake up and see the truth.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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The blood, the sacrificial blood of Jesus bore so much power, so much significant meaning that it was worth more than gold. Down to this day, it had and has the power to save all those who believe and accept its power. Sadly, there are those who reject its saving power. There is little or no hope for those who will not wake up and see the truth.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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I truly appreciate your review. Thank you for your beautiful comments.
