A Friend
Tim has no friends right now.8 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
This was good .when you choose a topic it is easier to write .This has a good message of forgiveness. Friends are friends after all .a good attempt.keep writing
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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This was good .when you choose a topic it is easier to write .This has a good message of forgiveness. Friends are friends after all .a good attempt.keep writing
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Thank you! I will.
Comment from nomi338
I learned a very long time ago, if you want to make friends, you have to act in a friendly towards others. If your demeanor is unfriendly, no one will want to be your friend. Smiles are inviting to people with the proper mindset. Those who hate you will be bewildered by your friendly smile. They may never like you, but those who do will be angry at them for being mean to you, the happy smiling guy.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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I learned a very long time ago, if you want to make friends, you have to act in a friendly towards others. If your demeanor is unfriendly, no one will want to be your friend. Smiles are inviting to people with the proper mindset. Those who hate you will be bewildered by your friendly smile. They may never like you, but those who do will be angry at them for being mean to you, the happy smiling guy.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
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Thank you! I agree.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This story uses dialogue to move toward a happy ending. I think you are definitely improving with using longer dialogue and a variety of verbs.
Little fixes/suggestions:
hanged out with - change to hung out with
Henry anounces. I am sure you meant: announces
all the foolishness I have caused
I would say: I caused
We were all kids before but I blame myself and my friends for blaming you with your rookie mistakes.
Just add a comma after before. That is because you have two independent clauses there.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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This story uses dialogue to move toward a happy ending. I think you are definitely improving with using longer dialogue and a variety of verbs.
Little fixes/suggestions:
hanged out with - change to hung out with
Henry anounces. I am sure you meant: announces
all the foolishness I have caused
I would say: I caused
We were all kids before but I blame myself and my friends for blaming you with your rookie mistakes.
Just add a comma after before. That is because you have two independent clauses there.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Grammar issues are fixed. Thank you for your help and kind review! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from jim vecchio
Thios was a very nice, heartwarming story. I see you are experimenting with slightly longer text. One thing I might mention. This was told me by one of the FS writers. If you use a thought, such as "Isn't this presumptuous? He has no right!" Tim thought, that the thought should be put in italics. Then, you don't even have to write, "Tim thought". Again, it's up to you.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thios was a very nice, heartwarming story. I see you are experimenting with slightly longer text. One thing I might mention. This was told me by one of the FS writers. If you use a thought, such as "Isn't this presumptuous? He has no right!" Tim thought, that the thought should be put in italics. Then, you don't even have to write, "Tim thought". Again, it's up to you.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you!
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You're welcome!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good dialogue contest entry you have penned. You used great descriptive words and very nice dialogue. I liked the way you ended it with Tim having lots of friends. I love happy endings! Best wishes in the contest. Teri!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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This is a very good dialogue contest entry you have penned. You used great descriptive words and very nice dialogue. I liked the way you ended it with Tim having lots of friends. I love happy endings! Best wishes in the contest. Teri!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you! It's not for the contest.
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It was very nice!
Comment from jmdg1954
If life were that simple, it would be miraculous.
Couple of corrections-
Tim(,) a lonely man
It is Henry, a childhood friend he hanged out with years ago. Don't need - (as a child) since you already reinforced from childhood in the same sentence
It is my right to be your friend today," Henry explains. Isn't this somewhat presumptuous? He has no "right"!
Just a few point it found,
John
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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If life were that simple, it would be miraculous.
Couple of corrections-
Tim(,) a lonely man
It is Henry, a childhood friend he hanged out with years ago. Don't need - (as a child) since you already reinforced from childhood in the same sentence
It is my right to be your friend today," Henry explains. Isn't this somewhat presumptuous? He has no "right"!
Just a few point it found,
John
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I have made the changes. Thank you for your help and kind review!
Comment from LJbutterfly
I love a story with a happy ending. Quite often we blame ourselves for things we think we did wrong in the past, only to find out that other people never blamed us. I'm glad Tim found Henry and they could be friends forever. This is a happy story.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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I love a story with a happy ending. Quite often we blame ourselves for things we think we did wrong in the past, only to find out that other people never blamed us. I'm glad Tim found Henry and they could be friends forever. This is a happy story.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Douglas Goff
What a good warm read. Your characters are fun and believable.
Your writing is improving greatly. As someone who was bullied in High School I enjoyed this.
Douglas
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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What a good warm read. Your characters are fun and believable.
Your writing is improving greatly. As someone who was bullied in High School I enjoyed this.
Douglas
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
