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Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Ronny Tate"2nd Place Finish
9 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Actually, we are in Morgan's head more than usual in this chapter. A little more introspective. We see the tug and pull of his better angels trying to get the upper hand in his life. He's trying to do good, but keeps getting caught in the swirl of his own emotions. Just a few thoughts:
Does Morgan wear a uniform? Perhaps: you're a disgrace to the badge?
Perhaps refer to the women by first names instead of last names. Last names only makes it sound like a reference to men.
Typo: Blonde is usually used for a female. Blond for male.
Sol
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Actually, we are in Morgan's head more than usual in this chapter. A little more introspective. We see the tug and pull of his better angels trying to get the upper hand in his life. He's trying to do good, but keeps getting caught in the swirl of his own emotions. Just a few thoughts:
Does Morgan wear a uniform? Perhaps: you're a disgrace to the badge?
Perhaps refer to the women by first names instead of last names. Last names only makes it sound like a reference to men.
Typo: Blonde is usually used for a female. Blond for male.
Sol
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Great fixes. The old law dog in me came out on using the last names of the woman. Great help, Sol!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Douglas,
I'm enjoying your book thus far. So Morgan is in-love with his sister-in-law... that can get weird. I thought he liked Kelly... I was wrong. If I was Tam I would always wondered if she is just a substitute for her sister. It's weird. And they work together? That must be hard.
I think I may have missed a chapter ð???
Well done
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Hello, Douglas,
I'm enjoying your book thus far. So Morgan is in-love with his sister-in-law... that can get weird. I thought he liked Kelly... I was wrong. If I was Tam I would always wondered if she is just a substitute for her sister. It's weird. And they work together? That must be hard.
I think I may have missed a chapter ð???
Well done
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Morgan is a detective. Tamara is a crime scene forensics technician. This is chapter 14 in the 30 chapters in 30 days contest! I think you missed the beginning. Morgan is a mess because his wife Debra killed herself. That sent him down a bad path.
Appreciate you hanging in!
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I knew about Morgan and Tamara. I read it in your author notes. Sorry .
Gypsy
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this installment with us. I have a feeling this meeting isn't at all good. I'm working if it's about Paco, or something else. I do this Tamra will be good for Morgan. If he allows her to be.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thank you for sharing this installment with us. I have a feeling this meeting isn't at all good. I'm working if it's about Paco, or something else. I do this Tamra will be good for Morgan. If he allows her to be.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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We seem to be on an unavoidable path to . . .
Comment from Terry Broxson
So, Morgan had sex with Tam and liked it--no big surprise there--and apparently, she liked it too. So what does he really have to sort out? I'm just saying he's a guy he needs to compartmentalize.
Tate moves up on my radar. Terry.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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So, Morgan had sex with Tam and liked it--no big surprise there--and apparently, she liked it too. So what does he really have to sort out? I'm just saying he's a guy he needs to compartmentalize.
Tate moves up on my radar. Terry.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Interesting.
Comment from Julie Helms
Nice introspective chapter, letting us know what's going on in Morgan's head.
This is all I found:
She had runaway (run away. Runaway is the person)
Julie
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Nice introspective chapter, letting us know what's going on in Morgan's head.
This is all I found:
She had runaway (run away. Runaway is the person)
Julie
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Julie. I appreciate all the help I can get!
D
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Well, it's either the stolen money or the attack on Paco? Your story continues to entertain with fast-moving pace and another great cliff-hanger ending. The only suggestion I would make is that you don't always need to give fuller description and can sometimes simply use pronouns e'g 'she' instead of 'The woman' handed him a piece of paper. Or just cut it down to 'her sister' leaving out 'deceased.' You seem too intent on amplifying things when the reader has already grasped the context and subjects involved. This can slow down the read. Also 'run away' (2 words). I like the thought process and the way Morgan can switch in a heart beat from sexual to his detective head. Going well, Doug! Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Well, it's either the stolen money or the attack on Paco? Your story continues to entertain with fast-moving pace and another great cliff-hanger ending. The only suggestion I would make is that you don't always need to give fuller description and can sometimes simply use pronouns e'g 'she' instead of 'The woman' handed him a piece of paper. Or just cut it down to 'her sister' leaving out 'deceased.' You seem too intent on amplifying things when the reader has already grasped the context and subjects involved. This can slow down the read. Also 'run away' (2 words). I like the thought process and the way Morgan can switch in a heart beat from sexual to his detective head. Going well, Doug! Debbie
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Debbie. A lot of the excessive dribble disappears during my many edits. I do not have that opportunity here, so please continue to keep me on the right path! Appreciate it.
D
Comment from Tom Horonzy
This is really a well-written chapter. It flowed like a creek without obstructive debris. A tinge of mystery not once but twice. First, his theory feels shot in the butt about Paco being the culprit, and second what's to come in the meeting with the Captain?
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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This is really a well-written chapter. It flowed like a creek without obstructive debris. A tinge of mystery not once but twice. First, his theory feels shot in the butt about Paco being the culprit, and second what's to come in the meeting with the Captain?
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thanks , Tom. This one moved us to where we needed to be for the next chapter.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
That he is the link has been discovered, I imagine.
He was never too circumspect in his activities. He was drowning his sorrow in alcohol and sex workers. He would have been noticed by a few people. He is cooked. Good work. No spoilers!!!Karen
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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That he is the link has been discovered, I imagine.
He was never too circumspect in his activities. He was drowning his sorrow in alcohol and sex workers. He would have been noticed by a few people. He is cooked. Good work. No spoilers!!!Karen
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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They are closing n n Morgan. Just like somebody wants?
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He is seriously flawed, but he tries to do good. he was destroyed by his wife's suicide.
If he got cleaned up he would be okay. Karen
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Yep. He has to hit rock bottom first.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written. Good character development and plot movement.
The only physical differences were Debra's slightly darker hair and skin tine. - oops
Sounds like the pressure mounts.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Nicely written. Good character development and plot movement.
The only physical differences were Debra's slightly darker hair and skin tine. - oops
Sounds like the pressure mounts.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2024
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Thank you! What would I do without your
Keen wye, my friend. Let?s not find out!
