The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Fix - Chapter Six"A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
12 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hi Jacob, sorry I've missed a few, I'm catching up now. I think it's awful that Michael would believe his son was guilty, and that he didn't once attend the trial. Some father he is!!!! I'm hoping that Lucie will be true to her word and help Stacey. Another well written chapter, Jacob. Well done. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Hi Jacob, sorry I've missed a few, I'm catching up now. I think it's awful that Michael would believe his son was guilty, and that he didn't once attend the trial. Some father he is!!!! I'm hoping that Lucie will be true to her word and help Stacey. Another well written chapter, Jacob. Well done. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you Sandra, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from tfawcus
Great chapter, Jacob. There's loads of tension in the scene between Michael and Stacey and a bit of backstory woven in unobtrusively. Well written.
I'm a bit behind with my reviews as I've been battling Covid for the last couple of weeks. Coming good again now.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Great chapter, Jacob. There's loads of tension in the scene between Michael and Stacey and a bit of backstory woven in unobtrusively. Well written.
I'm a bit behind with my reviews as I've been battling Covid for the last couple of weeks. Coming good again now.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2024
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Thank you Tony, I?m pleased to hear that you?re feeling better.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Good chapter. The ex, Michael, seems like the logical one, but Stacey is the sympathetic narrator in this, so the reader is going to side with her.
The only tiny suggestion I have is to put the last two long sentences after 'snap my head round' in the last paragraph in italics. And then leave "It's Lucie" in regular font, but look for the comma I am inserting, thus:
(italics start here) Please don't say it's Michael coming back. But it's not him, thank God. (end italics)
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Good chapter. The ex, Michael, seems like the logical one, but Stacey is the sympathetic narrator in this, so the reader is going to side with her.
The only tiny suggestion I have is to put the last two long sentences after 'snap my head round' in the last paragraph in italics. And then leave "It's Lucie" in regular font, but look for the comma I am inserting, thus:
(italics start here) Please don't say it's Michael coming back. But it's not him, thank God. (end italics)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the six stars, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This has all proved too much for Stacey and her health is obviously suffering. On top of that, Michael seems to be so detached that he is worse than useless. Her only hope at the moment is the bond she's forming with Lucie. This is an intriguing story with a mystery that's, nicely, hard to fathom. Your ability to put your reader right into the scene (in this case, the hospital) through your economic yet descriptive detail e.g. "He sits on the blue plastic chair next to me. I sit upright in bed, the crisp sheets crumpling around me" is engaging and evocative. Thanks for sharing, Jacob. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2024
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This has all proved too much for Stacey and her health is obviously suffering. On top of that, Michael seems to be so detached that he is worse than useless. Her only hope at the moment is the bond she's forming with Lucie. This is an intriguing story with a mystery that's, nicely, hard to fathom. Your ability to put your reader right into the scene (in this case, the hospital) through your economic yet descriptive detail e.g. "He sits on the blue plastic chair next to me. I sit upright in bed, the crisp sheets crumpling around me" is engaging and evocative. Thanks for sharing, Jacob. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2024
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Thank you Debbie, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
When we are extremely stressed and are dealing with problems we sometimes neglect our health and this is what has happened here to Stacey. You might want to list the characters in your story in your notes as I have forgotten who Lucie is? Another fine chapter in your story Jacob. Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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When we are extremely stressed and are dealing with problems we sometimes neglect our health and this is what has happened here to Stacey. You might want to list the characters in your story in your notes as I have forgotten who Lucie is? Another fine chapter in your story Jacob. Love Dolly x
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you Dolly, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
I hope if he is innocent, Stacey will find a way to prove it. If person who headed up the jury believes him to be innocent she should have stuck it out and caused a hung jury, but I realize there is too much pressure. I'm looking forewar to more.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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I hope if he is innocent, Stacey will find a way to prove it. If person who headed up the jury believes him to be innocent she should have stuck it out and caused a hung jury, but I realize there is too much pressure. I'm looking forewar to more.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you Beth, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jacob, this is a great continuation to the story. There's so much more to all this than me eets the eye. And now Lucie is there. I can't wait to learn what she has to say. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Hi Jacob, this is a great continuation to the story. There's so much more to all this than me eets the eye. And now Lucie is there. I can't wait to learn what she has to say. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you Ulla, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Well, Michael sounds like a dick, and Stacey could be in a bit of a fix.
It will be interesting down the line to see which parent knows their son better; I'm betting on Stacey.
Another good chapter, Jacob.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Well, Michael sounds like a dick, and Stacey could be in a bit of a fix.
It will be interesting down the line to see which parent knows their son better; I'm betting on Stacey.
Another good chapter, Jacob.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you Pam, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Teri7
I really enjoyed reading this chapter from your book. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I look forward to reading more. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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I really enjoyed reading this chapter from your book. You used great descriptive words and very good dialogue. I look forward to reading more. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you Teri, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Daylily
This is another very good connecting chapter for the story. I just noticed two things to consider.
re: What's that on my hand? It's something sticky.
-- Having been in the hospital before, the IV feels more tight or prickly than sticky.
re: I blink back furiously to fight back tears.
--Delete the first back as it is not needed.
Note: Unnecessary words lessen the effectiveness of a sentence. I always go through my writing to see what words or phrases can be eliminated in order to keep the writing flowing more smoothing. It also keeps a long story more interesting.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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This is another very good connecting chapter for the story. I just noticed two things to consider.
re: What's that on my hand? It's something sticky.
-- Having been in the hospital before, the IV feels more tight or prickly than sticky.
re: I blink back furiously to fight back tears.
--Delete the first back as it is not needed.
Note: Unnecessary words lessen the effectiveness of a sentence. I always go through my writing to see what words or phrases can be eliminated in order to keep the writing flowing more smoothing. It also keeps a long story more interesting.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
