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Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Shrink"2nd Place Finish
9 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Still good, Still worth reading. remember this when I post with no points! I especially liked when he yelled "I'm out." She said, "next Wednesday?" He said. "of course." That's funny right there.Good work sweetie pie! Karen
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Still good, Still worth reading. remember this when I post with no points! I especially liked when he yelled "I'm out." She said, "next Wednesday?" He said. "of course." That's funny right there.Good work sweetie pie! Karen
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you! I chuckled. Felt like something he would say.
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I sent you my email in contacts so I could send you some frogs I found while I was trolling. If you do not want them, or do not want to share email, Let me know and I will remove them. You have your own file. A couple dozen. Karen :-)
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Nope I want them. I will kick you my email when I get to work at my midnight shift tomorrow. Just tied up with kid stuff and volleyball league this week. Give me uno dia, my friend.
Comment from Soledadpaz
I love that this begins with the thing he dreaded talking about: his dream.
(lying) on the couch
Suggest revise: Morgan (lay) on the couch watching the ceiling fan spin lazily in a circle. He looked (or felt) as if he were a about to die.
Actually can delete both 'around' and 'in a circle.' The word 'spin' depicts that imagery.
This lets us more into his psyche. His wife killing herself has rocked his world. The story deepens.
Awesome ending! Funny and sad at the same time.
Sol
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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I love that this begins with the thing he dreaded talking about: his dream.
(lying) on the couch
Suggest revise: Morgan (lay) on the couch watching the ceiling fan spin lazily in a circle. He looked (or felt) as if he were a about to die.
Actually can delete both 'around' and 'in a circle.' The word 'spin' depicts that imagery.
This lets us more into his psyche. His wife killing herself has rocked his world. The story deepens.
Awesome ending! Funny and sad at the same time.
Sol
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Great review! Thank you so much.
D
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Goodness, he's brittle! So this therapy isn't his idea in the first place but organised by his department. Not the best way to start counselling if not initiated by yourself. But a clever way to feed the reader background info and also the resistance of Harper to face up to the truth of his own self-destructive lifestyle. The thoughts in italics are particularly well done and never appear awkward or contrived in the prose/dialogue. Small edit: "maybe you view all wom(e)n.." I always enjoy therapy sessions. They remind me of The Sopranos! Keep them coming:) Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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Goodness, he's brittle! So this therapy isn't his idea in the first place but organised by his department. Not the best way to start counselling if not initiated by yourself. But a clever way to feed the reader background info and also the resistance of Harper to face up to the truth of his own self-destructive lifestyle. The thoughts in italics are particularly well done and never appear awkward or contrived in the prose/dialogue. Small edit: "maybe you view all wom(e)n.." I always enjoy therapy sessions. They remind me of The Sopranos! Keep them coming:) Debbie
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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Thanks! Great catch. Me thinks finding his dead wife swinging from a rope in his living room has broken the man!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Dont read ..? After the tease? Right. That would be like having a lick of ce cream and having it pull away, or the scoop falls to the ground. Women! Can't live without them.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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Dont read ..? After the tease? Right. That would be like having a lick of ce cream and having it pull away, or the scoop falls to the ground. Women! Can't live without them.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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True dat about women. Just so we are clear. My story is like ice cream! That?s the best compliment you have ever given me Tom!!! Remember this is graphic meaning drugs, sex, and murder. Old boy Morgan Harper is a mess.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I probably won't be able to stomach the violence so probably won't follow the book. But I liked your dialogue and Harper seems to verbally deny what his shrink has diagnosed about his self destructive behavior.
No capitalization for speech tags:
Wednesday?" She called (she)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Well, I probably won't be able to stomach the violence so probably won't follow the book. But I liked your dialogue and Harper seems to verbally deny what his shrink has diagnosed about his self destructive behavior.
No capitalization for speech tags:
Wednesday?" She called (she)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you! This is a haul 30 chapters in thirty days. No worries if you don?t jump back in. The fact that you made a catch here helps me and every little bit counts!
D
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Cool! So glad you are doing this. I know you will do a super job. Best wishes in the contest. I can't imagine many who are up to daily posting like this!
Comment from Julie Helms
I just wanted to point out that you have a big space here:
So you have it every night?" Doctor Millison Parker peered at him
over her silver-framed spectacles. He wasn't looking
Very revealing chapter about the inner workings of our man here. Good job! Julie.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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I just wanted to point out that you have a big space here:
So you have it every night?" Doctor Millison Parker peered at him
over her silver-framed spectacles. He wasn't looking
Very revealing chapter about the inner workings of our man here. Good job! Julie.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you! It wasn?t showing on my phone, but I did find it on my computer. No other issues? Man, maybe I am hitting homers here. Teehee
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Not that I noticed. But if I get too engrossed in the story, I do miss them. But it looked good!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, you got the story moving along nicely. I like how you added the information about his wife's death, and how it plays into what else you have introduced. No edits, keep it up. Terry.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Douglas, you got the story moving along nicely. I like how you added the information about his wife's death, and how it plays into what else you have introduced. No edits, keep it up. Terry.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Terry.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
"so please correct something" - I love it!
I was hopin' you have Morgan answer honestly to whether he imagined sex with the Dr.
I'm only sleeping with one." - I wondered about this. Would Morgan say "fuck" for shock value? 'Sleeping with' almost sounded out of character. But maybe not, considering.
I didn't even know Debra was suicidal - Maybe here, or somewhere else, but the Doc could say that his ignorance was a thing to be guilty of. Some detective!
Didn't see any SPAGs to point to. Sorry. (smiley face here)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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"so please correct something" - I love it!
I was hopin' you have Morgan answer honestly to whether he imagined sex with the Dr.
I'm only sleeping with one." - I wondered about this. Would Morgan say "fuck" for shock value? 'Sleeping with' almost sounded out of character. But maybe not, considering.
I didn't even know Debra was suicidal - Maybe here, or somewhere else, but the Doc could say that his ignorance was a thing to be guilty of. Some detective!
Didn't see any SPAGs to point to. Sorry. (smiley face here)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Oh my, I am either writing better than normal or getting lucky. Not too many errors! I do spend extra time heavily reviewing before I post.
I did switch sleeping with to screwing. Good pick up!
D
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works
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Well, Morgan is a hot mess, and we get more insight into him. I am wondering if during this novel, he'll get himself together or continue to bury himself. It will be interesting to see how you play this out.
Same time next Wednesday?" She called after him. (she)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Well, Morgan is a hot mess, and we get more insight into him. I am wondering if during this novel, he'll get himself together or continue to bury himself. It will be interesting to see how you play this out.
Same time next Wednesday?" She called after him. (she)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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I have the very end figured out. Just need to do a lot of middle-mapping. My brain is already flushing out the next couple of chapters so so far so good. thirty total chapters. Well . . .we'll see. Appreciate the sixer. Why are you so good to me?
