Vegetables and Chickens, pt2
Val wondered how stupid a man could be11 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
I didn't realized that you were going to continue this story. I'm glad you didf because I thought he was the superfifial jeck to react in that way to seeing her without teeth and wig. Of course, he thought he was being ordered off her property. Anyways this story won't have a bad ending now that I know they both care about the other.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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I didn't realized that you were going to continue this story. I'm glad you didf because I thought he was the superfifial jeck to react in that way to seeing her without teeth and wig. Of course, he thought he was being ordered off her property. Anyways this story won't have a bad ending now that I know they both care about the other.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2024
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Thank you.
I wasn't going to continue it. It was just a contest entry for a proposal gone wrong. But... (there are 3 parts)
Comment from lyenochka
He backed out? He's giving up on trying to talk with her? I guess these misunderstandings happen. I like how you give us both inside stories and I hope they can talk it out with one another. Is a Part 3 coming?
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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He backed out? He's giving up on trying to talk with her? I guess these misunderstandings happen. I like how you give us both inside stories and I hope they can talk it out with one another. Is a Part 3 coming?
Comment Written 13-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2024
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Thank you. Yes pt 3 today.
I think some writers/authors cheat in order to advance their stories by assigning their protagonists perfect wisdom. All too often people don't do exactly the right thing at exactly the right moments. How many real life failures result?
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I've never seen the word "slash" used instead of a slash. I think you should use /.
A desire to glaze her carrots, huh? LOL, I've never heard it called that before:-)
Oh, damn, Wayne! You're just teasing us, aren't you? Do we have to write our own ending, or are you going to supply it?
This was a good start for the story you're going to continue . . .
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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I've never seen the word "slash" used instead of a slash. I think you should use /.
A desire to glaze her carrots, huh? LOL, I've never heard it called that before:-)
Oh, damn, Wayne! You're just teasing us, aren't you? Do we have to write our own ending, or are you going to supply it?
This was a good start for the story you're going to continue . . .
xo
Pam
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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laughy face here!!!!!!!!!!!!
part 3 tomorrow
Comment from Jim Wile
This is really good, Wayne. I'm glad you are continuing this story. It's a wonderful tale of good intentions, misunderstandings, near misses, difficulty in expressing feelings, self-recriminations, unfortunate circumstances, and hopefully by the end true love winning out over it all. Easy to see how each of them have missed the intentions and signals of the other and how much angst it is causing them. It's skillfully written.
Just a remark about showing personal thoughts in a third person story. I really don't think you need italics in any of the places you chose to use them. I think it is quite clear without them that these are their thoughts. You haven't always been consistent in their use either, as some thoughts did not have them, and some used quotation marks. A more modern trend is to put personal thoughts in present tense rather than the past tense of the rest of the narrative.
To illustrate both these points, take this passage from the story:
What kind of man would leave her in the mud, not even attempting to help her. And the expression on his face. What did it say? How could she ask him to call her back? What words could she say to alleviate his anxieties? Val imagined...
I think you could get the same thing across with:
What kind of man just leaves me in the mud, not even attempting to help me? And the expression on his face. What did it say? How can I ask him to call me back? What words could I say to alleviate his anxieties? Val imagined...
Kind of make it like dialog with another, but she's having it with herself.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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This is really good, Wayne. I'm glad you are continuing this story. It's a wonderful tale of good intentions, misunderstandings, near misses, difficulty in expressing feelings, self-recriminations, unfortunate circumstances, and hopefully by the end true love winning out over it all. Easy to see how each of them have missed the intentions and signals of the other and how much angst it is causing them. It's skillfully written.
Just a remark about showing personal thoughts in a third person story. I really don't think you need italics in any of the places you chose to use them. I think it is quite clear without them that these are their thoughts. You haven't always been consistent in their use either, as some thoughts did not have them, and some used quotation marks. A more modern trend is to put personal thoughts in present tense rather than the past tense of the rest of the narrative.
To illustrate both these points, take this passage from the story:
What kind of man would leave her in the mud, not even attempting to help her. And the expression on his face. What did it say? How could she ask him to call her back? What words could she say to alleviate his anxieties? Val imagined...
I think you could get the same thing across with:
What kind of man just leaves me in the mud, not even attempting to help me? And the expression on his face. What did it say? How can I ask him to call me back? What words could I say to alleviate his anxieties? Val imagined...
Kind of make it like dialog with another, but she's having it with herself.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Thanks.
The inconsistency was me trying to decide which way to go. I've seen thoughts in quotes, which was the way I first wrote it, but it became cumbersome with so much of it in this section. I thought italics was a safe alternative, but knew it not to be right, either. I was also attempting to emphasize the 'What kind of man' lines.
I believe you are right, though. It also comports with the 'simple is best' method.
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Exactly. Especially when it's so clear these are their thoughts.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You are a stinker. I want them to get together. And it proves one thing. It doesn't matter what age you are. You can still be a complete dolt about love. I should know.Good Writing. :-) Karen
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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You are a stinker. I want them to get together. And it proves one thing. It doesn't matter what age you are. You can still be a complete dolt about love. I should know.Good Writing. :-) Karen
Comment Written 12-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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smiley face here
Hang on, there's part 3 to come.
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You write it I will read it. Karen
Comment from Wendy G
Wayne, please do NOT tell me he is not even going to try knocking at the door! This is well written, funny and sad at the same time, because it shows how easily misunderstandings and misinterpretations can happen! And perhaps especially at their age (now that we know), especially if they are not used to courting. Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Wayne, please do NOT tell me he is not even going to try knocking at the door! This is well written, funny and sad at the same time, because it shows how easily misunderstandings and misinterpretations can happen! And perhaps especially at their age (now that we know), especially if they are not used to courting. Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Thank you.
smiley face here
He thought she'd gone to bed.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Misunderstandings are so sad because sometimes people just don't try to straighten them out. With two Vals it is also a little confusing. With luck they will get together eventually. You used a word I have never heard, although I suspect what it is: water hose (bib?)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Misunderstandings are so sad because sometimes people just don't try to straighten them out. With two Vals it is also a little confusing. With luck they will get together eventually. You used a word I have never heard, although I suspect what it is: water hose (bib?)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your kind review.
A hose bib is the same as a hose faucet.
Comment from Baltimore Born
That was a shocking ending to this story. This story is well-written. Great details with the incident between the two main characters. You dove deep into their thought process. I could feel the emotions throughout the story. Nice job.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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That was a shocking ending to this story. This story is well-written. Great details with the incident between the two main characters. You dove deep into their thought process. I could feel the emotions throughout the story. Nice job.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you.
There might be a final ending coming.
Comment from eliz100
This is an excellent story. It will be interesting to find out what comes next. I look forward to the next chapter. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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This is an excellent story. It will be interesting to find out what comes next. I look forward to the next chapter. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jessizero
I enjoyed this as much as the first installment! I'm glad he didn't think she was hideous. I would have been horrified to be in that position then had someone run out on me. I hope there is more to this story! Again, thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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I enjoyed this as much as the first installment! I'm glad he didn't think she was hideous. I would have been horrified to be in that position then had someone run out on me. I hope there is more to this story! Again, thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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smiley face here
I think (from the reactions) I would never get another nice review if I didn't do something with Val and Val. (another smiley face here)
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I?m glad you decided to continue the story!
