Charlie's Terrifying Adventure
The city is a horrible kplace to be lost.3 total reviews
Comment from Julie Helms
This is such a sweet story. I like how you develop the different cat personalities. I do have some suggestions for typo fixes:
1.horrible kplace to be lost. (From your subtitle)
2. with the fir standing up (fur)
3.There is nowhere to run. I'm trapped in a dark alley. (You switched to present tense here...There was nowhere to run. I was trapped...)
4. Charlie's clever and speaks ab (?)
Thanks for sharing! Julie
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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This is such a sweet story. I like how you develop the different cat personalities. I do have some suggestions for typo fixes:
1.horrible kplace to be lost. (From your subtitle)
2. with the fir standing up (fur)
3.There is nowhere to run. I'm trapped in a dark alley. (You switched to present tense here...There was nowhere to run. I was trapped...)
4. Charlie's clever and speaks ab (?)
Thanks for sharing! Julie
Comment Written 29-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review and corrections.
Comment from Wy Jung
This story made me smile. I really liked it a lot. Truly a breath of fresh air in the review queue. Below are a few small corrections I happened to see as I read. Nothing was lost in the story to them being there, but perhaps you'd like to correct them. :)
you *gat* used to it. **maybe "get" instead of gat?
"...touched by the little cat's resilience, she decided *too* adopt her " **to **
voice from the shadows called, "I care about her. Charlie's clever and speaks ab **<-- no words appear after this**
"Where did you she the woman? <--**see** the woman?
here were well wishes from the others as **she** slithered up the post behind him. --> would it be "I" slithered?
I loved the story. It was cute and full of hope. Well done Jake!
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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This story made me smile. I really liked it a lot. Truly a breath of fresh air in the review queue. Below are a few small corrections I happened to see as I read. Nothing was lost in the story to them being there, but perhaps you'd like to correct them. :)
you *gat* used to it. **maybe "get" instead of gat?
"...touched by the little cat's resilience, she decided *too* adopt her " **to **
voice from the shadows called, "I care about her. Charlie's clever and speaks ab **<-- no words appear after this**
"Where did you she the woman? <--**see** the woman?
here were well wishes from the others as **she** slithered up the post behind him. --> would it be "I" slithered?
I loved the story. It was cute and full of hope. Well done Jake!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review and corrections.
Comment from Sandollar
I thought you had a unique story put on an old tale. You say this is a children's story, but it seems a bit too sophisticated to be one, especially the language. You do have a way of engaging the reader so that even though this is a tale as old as time, you were able to pull the reader in.
There were a few errors; I've listed them below.
...my skull to my brain with one stripe.
Did you mean one swipe?
... she decided too adopt. Only one o in this usage of the word
A voice from the shadows called, "I care about her. Charlie's clever and speaks ab... I don't know what the last word is supposed to mean.
"Where did you she the woman? Charlie's home must be near that mail stand."
I think you meant see.
With a little tweaking, this could be a very good story for kids, with some lessons and morals to be learned.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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I thought you had a unique story put on an old tale. You say this is a children's story, but it seems a bit too sophisticated to be one, especially the language. You do have a way of engaging the reader so that even though this is a tale as old as time, you were able to pull the reader in.
There were a few errors; I've listed them below.
...my skull to my brain with one stripe.
Did you mean one swipe?
... she decided too adopt. Only one o in this usage of the word
A voice from the shadows called, "I care about her. Charlie's clever and speaks ab... I don't know what the last word is supposed to mean.
"Where did you she the woman? Charlie's home must be near that mail stand."
I think you meant see.
With a little tweaking, this could be a very good story for kids, with some lessons and morals to be learned.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review and corrections.
