I Had To Write This Down
A poem about a writer who just has to write something down.4 total reviews
Comment from Mintybee
This poem is full of raw emotion, personal detail, and spinning thoughts. You manage this with a beautiful, lyrical, prose-style rhyme. I'm sorry things have been so rough lately. I'm glad you're back and writing again. You skillfully balanced narrative, emotion, social commentary, personal commentary, and made it all accessible to the reader. Very well written.
Mintybee
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This poem is full of raw emotion, personal detail, and spinning thoughts. You manage this with a beautiful, lyrical, prose-style rhyme. I'm sorry things have been so rough lately. I'm glad you're back and writing again. You skillfully balanced narrative, emotion, social commentary, personal commentary, and made it all accessible to the reader. Very well written.
Mintybee
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
Comment from Frank Malley
First of all, this isn't a poem (although poems can have any form!). It is a memoir, an essay of self-analysis and life analysis.
The sadness and failures presented in this account of a man's life are in some measure almost universal human experiences, and this essay's universal relevance is damaged by contradictions and an erratic lack of clarity. The writer should've asked an intelligent reader for opinions before publishing this dire analysis.
However, I claim to be that intelligent reader. It is a fault that I am not prepared to spend the time required to edit this piece. I will try to point out some stronger examples of flawed communications.
The sentence "Despite numbing responsibilities, it doesn't eliminate the pressure." This is backward in its logic: numbing responsibilities create pressure, and could not be expected to eliminate it.
There is a lot of evidence that this writer is developing; there is discontinuity, awkward comparison, emotional self-indulgence that doesn't contribute to the thesis of this essay, which is: Life is tough. I would strongly recommend that this writer read essays and editorials by strongly established writers, and perhaps consider taking some writing courses to refine his style.
Pure emotion will try to create poignant literature, but it is only an energy that becomes important and contributory when it is expressed more functionally.
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First of all, this isn't a poem (although poems can have any form!). It is a memoir, an essay of self-analysis and life analysis.
The sadness and failures presented in this account of a man's life are in some measure almost universal human experiences, and this essay's universal relevance is damaged by contradictions and an erratic lack of clarity. The writer should've asked an intelligent reader for opinions before publishing this dire analysis.
However, I claim to be that intelligent reader. It is a fault that I am not prepared to spend the time required to edit this piece. I will try to point out some stronger examples of flawed communications.
The sentence "Despite numbing responsibilities, it doesn't eliminate the pressure." This is backward in its logic: numbing responsibilities create pressure, and could not be expected to eliminate it.
There is a lot of evidence that this writer is developing; there is discontinuity, awkward comparison, emotional self-indulgence that doesn't contribute to the thesis of this essay, which is: Life is tough. I would strongly recommend that this writer read essays and editorials by strongly established writers, and perhaps consider taking some writing courses to refine his style.
Pure emotion will try to create poignant literature, but it is only an energy that becomes important and contributory when it is expressed more functionally.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2024
Comment from Julie Helms
I am glad you were able to use this medium of poetry to really unload a lot of hurt and anxiousness and everything else you're experiencing. It's a lot.
I think my favorite line was this one:
"Depression is a prison but only if you surrender."
Some easy spelling corrections--
Pitty--pity
Baretrap--beartrap
appritiates--appreciates
Thank you for sharing some thing so deeply personal. Julie.
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I am glad you were able to use this medium of poetry to really unload a lot of hurt and anxiousness and everything else you're experiencing. It's a lot.
I think my favorite line was this one:
"Depression is a prison but only if you surrender."
Some easy spelling corrections--
Pitty--pity
Baretrap--beartrap
appritiates--appreciates
Thank you for sharing some thing so deeply personal. Julie.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Goodness, it feels like the words are tumbling out unstoppably! It might have been better, therefore, to have possibly broken this down into shorter verses just to take a breath? It started really well but I felt that your urgency to get it all down maybe lost its fluidity. That said, some of the rhyming is superb and helped make this an enjoyable read. There are some small edits and it could do with a proofread e.g (bear)trap; 4th stanza (regardless) etc. But I'm glad you're back writing. There's certainly a lot going on in your life! Take care Debbie
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Goodness, it feels like the words are tumbling out unstoppably! It might have been better, therefore, to have possibly broken this down into shorter verses just to take a breath? It started really well but I felt that your urgency to get it all down maybe lost its fluidity. That said, some of the rhyming is superb and helped make this an enjoyable read. There are some small edits and it could do with a proofread e.g (bear)trap; 4th stanza (regardless) etc. But I'm glad you're back writing. There's certainly a lot going on in your life! Take care Debbie
Comment Written 08-Jan-2024
