Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Panpipes - Chapter 8"A Novella
23 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
A great metaphor in the action of crushing the beer can. Ooof, animal abusers need to be consequences. This is a strong foreshadowing for Bapit: "My right leg feels so cold! " this is a great descriptive sentence. " The colour drained from Ayesha's face. She stared in disbelief, shaking her head. Interesting ending.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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A great metaphor in the action of crushing the beer can. Ooof, animal abusers need to be consequences. This is a strong foreshadowing for Bapit: "My right leg feels so cold! " this is a great descriptive sentence. " The colour drained from Ayesha's face. She stared in disbelief, shaking her head. Interesting ending.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2024
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Thanks, Liz. Appreciated, as always. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Graphic descriptions of the terrible plight of some of these working elephants. Well done for highlighting that Tony. A good ending with Ayesha 's emotions spilling.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Graphic descriptions of the terrible plight of some of these working elephants. Well done for highlighting that Tony. A good ending with Ayesha 's emotions spilling.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 08-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Valda. I think there is more awareness now of the mistreatment of elephants. Many are well looked after, but there are always a few rogue operators.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh no! Bapit will be devastated when he learns he has lost a leg, and Ayesha, not liking anything that isn't perfect, that must mean she will not be wanting to be with Bapit. That is so sad! At least she fainted at the most appropriate time, as Kamul has read the situation wrongly. Off for the next chapter!! Oh, FS has left some strange letters below. :)) Sandra xxx
'There'sâ??â??â??â?? a
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Oh no! Bapit will be devastated when he learns he has lost a leg, and Ayesha, not liking anything that isn't perfect, that must mean she will not be wanting to be with Bapit. That is so sad! At least she fainted at the most appropriate time, as Kamul has read the situation wrongly. Off for the next chapter!! Oh, FS has left some strange letters below. :)) Sandra xxx
'There'sâ??â??â??â?? a
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Yes, Bapit has a long road to recovery. Let's hope Ayesha will be able to support him.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You certainly have made this a many-layered story. How is it that you know so much about Thailand?
You are weaving this tale with no hiccups that I can see, no false notes. Great work here. Karen
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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You certainly have made this a many-layered story. How is it that you know so much about Thailand?
You are weaving this tale with no hiccups that I can see, no false notes. Great work here. Karen
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Very many thanks, Karen. I spent a couple of weeks in Thailand a few years ago and have supplemented that with internet research.
I appreciate your kind words. Best wishes, Tony.
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You are a good researcher and writer. I have watched stories on Pbs and BritBox and Acorn and have seen this type before. While not to my particular taste, I have no problem noticing the good writing. Karen
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a fine chapter inviting in all the elements including Abharamu and her abusive trainer Chanin. I certainly hope he comes to some kind of epiphany before he rightfully gets pushed over a cliff by the elephant.
Eloquent writing with great descriptors including this one, "His eyes were hooded like those of a crocodile", that vividly and also comically shows suspicion as crocodiles are often seen as cunning animals.
The introduction of the panpipes again, with Ayesha making a promise to learn how to play them properly is an inspired choice in showing the positive direction of character development with the possible exception of Major Suttikul who seems the perfect villain.
Coming right along, Tony.
Gloria
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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This is a fine chapter inviting in all the elements including Abharamu and her abusive trainer Chanin. I certainly hope he comes to some kind of epiphany before he rightfully gets pushed over a cliff by the elephant.
Eloquent writing with great descriptors including this one, "His eyes were hooded like those of a crocodile", that vividly and also comically shows suspicion as crocodiles are often seen as cunning animals.
The introduction of the panpipes again, with Ayesha making a promise to learn how to play them properly is an inspired choice in showing the positive direction of character development with the possible exception of Major Suttikul who seems the perfect villain.
Coming right along, Tony.
Gloria
Comment Written 05-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Gloria. I appreciate your positive feedback. I ought really to give the major some redeeming qualities but if he has any they don't fall within the scope of this story. He and Bruno are a right pair of bastards!
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Ayesha seems a little shallow if she can't bear people to have physical deformities and will lose her friendship with Bapit because of it. Poor Bapit paid a terrible price for one night of drunken foolishness. Abharamu's injuries may drive her to kill her trainer for his cruelty and I fear she may have to pay for it with her life. The problems pile up and need solving. Very good story with lots of action.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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Ayesha seems a little shallow if she can't bear people to have physical deformities and will lose her friendship with Bapit because of it. Poor Bapit paid a terrible price for one night of drunken foolishness. Abharamu's injuries may drive her to kill her trainer for his cruelty and I fear she may have to pay for it with her life. The problems pile up and need solving. Very good story with lots of action.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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Thanks, Carol. I appreciate your comments. More problems than solutions at the moment!
Comment from Soledadpaz
Good beginning. Immediately your heart aches for that poor, mistreated animal.
Suggest: He (had) hauled himself astride . . .
Is that a typo in the sentence after the pink bloomers?
What horrible people, really! That poor elephant.
Suggest: toes of his right (foot). Though the foot is no longer actually there, to him it still is.
Certainly appearances can be deceiving. She cries but not for her husband. Interesting. Her feelings are all in a jumble. You paint that portrait well.
Sol
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Good beginning. Immediately your heart aches for that poor, mistreated animal.
Suggest: He (had) hauled himself astride . . .
Is that a typo in the sentence after the pink bloomers?
What horrible people, really! That poor elephant.
Suggest: toes of his right (foot). Though the foot is no longer actually there, to him it still is.
Certainly appearances can be deceiving. She cries but not for her husband. Interesting. Her feelings are all in a jumble. You paint that portrait well.
Sol
Comment Written 03-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much for this thorough review, Sol, and for your suggestions. Most helpful.
Cor is a peculiarly British expletive. It is a contracted form of Cor blimey, which is derived from God blind me, in much the same way as Bloody is derived from By our Lady and Strewth from God's truth. We are sometimes more blasphemous than we mean to be!
Comment from estory
Mostly I thought this was a well written chapter, but the first scene didn't seem to go with the rest of the story and I think I would advise cutting it. After that I thought you did a great job with excellent details in the writing of Bapit lying in the hospital without a leg, and Ayesha at the funeral showing how she is more moved by Bapit than her supposedly dead husband. Two government officials seem suspicious of the situation and Suttikil holds them at bay with some quick thinking. I loved how you described the temple with the dragons and the buddhas and the marvelous spiritual architecture, the hospital scene with the worried parents, the disorientated Bapit, and the emotional Ayesha picking up the panpipes and feeling that connection to him. estory
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Mostly I thought this was a well written chapter, but the first scene didn't seem to go with the rest of the story and I think I would advise cutting it. After that I thought you did a great job with excellent details in the writing of Bapit lying in the hospital without a leg, and Ayesha at the funeral showing how she is more moved by Bapit than her supposedly dead husband. Two government officials seem suspicious of the situation and Suttikil holds them at bay with some quick thinking. I loved how you described the temple with the dragons and the buddhas and the marvelous spiritual architecture, the hospital scene with the worried parents, the disorientated Bapit, and the emotional Ayesha picking up the panpipes and feeling that connection to him. estory
Comment Written 03-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Thanks for another detailed and helpful review, estory. I'll take on board your suggestion about the first paragraph but won't change it just yet. It's important to a later part of the story that Abharamu's ill-treatment has been made manifest. However, I may have been a bit heavy handed here.
Comment from Sankey
You are doing really well with this. You must have been to this country or studied a lot of relevant material. Thanks for keeping us on board. FS is getting very demanding these days.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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You are doing really well with this. You must have been to this country or studied a lot of relevant material. Thanks for keeping us on board. FS is getting very demanding these days.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2024
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Thanks very much for the review and sixth star, Geoffrey. Ten years ago, I spent a couple of weeks staying in the foothills behind Kata, a small town towards the southern end of Phuket. The local knowledge gained has been invaluable, though I have had to supplement it with considerable internet research. Failing memory and all that! LOL
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I enjoyed your unique story about Ayesha and her misadventures on her honeymoon. Rich in deceit and mishaps, the story grows.
Your chapter summaries are very helpful in keeping up with the chapters.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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I enjoyed your unique story about Ayesha and her misadventures on her honeymoon. Rich in deceit and mishaps, the story grows.
Your chapter summaries are very helpful in keeping up with the chapters.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 02-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Rhonda. I always appreciate your comments and interest. Best wishes, Tony
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I'll be honest, I've read a few more of the chapters I didn't get around to reviewing. I get distracted, lol. I have a three year old I'm raising and she's a live wire!! I read and review between playing house and getting her out of trouble.
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No worries ! I know the feeling!
