A Portal Opens -Part Two
A brain injury opens a connection with another world.24 total reviews
Comment from Annmuma
Certainly meets all of the contest requirements and it is fascinating to read. The characters are well developed and the flow between scene is easy to follow. I enjoyed. ann
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Certainly meets all of the contest requirements and it is fascinating to read. The characters are well developed and the flow between scene is easy to follow. I enjoyed. ann
Comment Written 27-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2023
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Thank you Ann. I'm so glad you enjoyed my attempt at Science fiction.
Beth
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You are setting up a dilemma for the main character. The are absolutely correct: "He would be sure to think I was hallucinating if I'd revealed the man had told me that the injury had caused a portal to open in my brain, allowing me to be able to communicate with people who lived in a parallel universe." You have a good imagination: I know there was no way I could have gotten onto the shoulder that quickly. My hands were no longer on the steering wheel which I had gripped so tightly earlier." The operative word is 'we'.... This story cries for another chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2023
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You are setting up a dilemma for the main character. The are absolutely correct: "He would be sure to think I was hallucinating if I'd revealed the man had told me that the injury had caused a portal to open in my brain, allowing me to be able to communicate with people who lived in a parallel universe." You have a good imagination: I know there was no way I could have gotten onto the shoulder that quickly. My hands were no longer on the steering wheel which I had gripped so tightly earlier." The operative word is 'we'.... This story cries for another chapter.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2023
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Thank you again for nice review. I will need to decide how to go about continuing this story.
Beth
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***Grin***
Comment from lyenochka
I'm so glad you are continuing the story that you started for the sci-fi contest. This feels like a spiritual sci-fi and I always have felt that the spiritual world was more like a parallel universe instead of in the sky.
Great job with the intriguing storyline.
Again this contest is also a minimum of 2,000 words. And this feels more like sci-fi than fantasy (you know, dragons, faeries etc...)
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023
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I'm so glad you are continuing the story that you started for the sci-fi contest. This feels like a spiritual sci-fi and I always have felt that the spiritual world was more like a parallel universe instead of in the sky.
Great job with the intriguing storyline.
Again this contest is also a minimum of 2,000 words. And this feels more like sci-fi than fantasy (you know, dragons, faeries etc...)
Comment Written 24-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2023
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You are seeing this as I see it. It is meant to have spiritual implications. I find it interesting that those who claim not to believe in Spiritual things say my story sounds believable and they like it.
Thanks for the six stars. My word counter shows enough word this time.
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Good! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment from w.j.debi
You create a sense of mystery and even foreboding. The world just beyond is so intriguing and yet so dangerous.
A couple of SPAG:
I was enjoying the peaceful feeling of been (being) alone
"No, I'm sorry. I need to concentrate on this call (I) have to make.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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You create a sense of mystery and even foreboding. The world just beyond is so intriguing and yet so dangerous.
A couple of SPAG:
I was enjoying the peaceful feeling of been (being) alone
"No, I'm sorry. I need to concentrate on this call (I) have to make.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for the review and for pointing out the spags.
Beth
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Cleverly fantasized. Good work. And well written, too.
This is an interesting story. I'm anxious to continue reading.
Good luck in the contest. I think it's unique enough to get some votes.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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Cleverly fantasized. Good work. And well written, too.
This is an interesting story. I'm anxious to continue reading.
Good luck in the contest. I think it's unique enough to get some votes.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
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Thank you Wayne. I'm not at all sure where this story will go from here.
Beth
Comment from Wendy G
A wonderful story, with a clever intertwining of fantasy, spiritual certainties, and reality. I found it encouraging and challenging, to keep my eyes focused on heavenly realities and to make wise decisions while in this world. Your other world sounds very like descriptions I have read about heaven from people who have had near death experiences. Your writing reminds me of C S Lewis. Excellent entry for the Fantasy contest. Sending my best wishes.
Wendy
Edit:
When a deep resonance voice (resonant)
He simple (simply) wasn't there
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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A wonderful story, with a clever intertwining of fantasy, spiritual certainties, and reality. I found it encouraging and challenging, to keep my eyes focused on heavenly realities and to make wise decisions while in this world. Your other world sounds very like descriptions I have read about heaven from people who have had near death experiences. Your writing reminds me of C S Lewis. Excellent entry for the Fantasy contest. Sending my best wishes.
Wendy
Edit:
When a deep resonance voice (resonant)
He simple (simply) wasn't there
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much Wendy. I tend to think the angels that interact with human might exist in such a place as they aren't seen often ane when they are they seem to be able to take on a human form if they choose. I'm flattered by being compared to C.S. Lewis. Thank you so much for the six stars.
Comment from Spitfire
Engrossing from beginning to end. I must have missed Part One. Are you intending to write a novel? One SPAG -the byline should read "A" brain injury. Not "An" brain injury.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Engrossing from beginning to end. I must have missed Part One. Are you intending to write a novel? One SPAG -the byline should read "A" brain injury. Not "An" brain injury.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you for the review and comments and especially the six stars. When I wrote the first one it didn't qualify for the contest because I didn't have enough words. Several pople asked me to write more so most of what was in the first one made this one as well. It just had more about the accident and exactally what happenrf in to the brain. A lot of people who claim to be prophets have suffered brain injuries.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Beth, this is such a different side of your writing, and I liked it a lot. It's very believable, and in this day and time you don't know what is real and what is not. We are living through some weird moments.
I really liked this. All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Hi Beth, this is such a different side of your writing, and I liked it a lot. It's very believable, and in this day and time you don't know what is real and what is not. We are living through some weird moments.
I really liked this. All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much Ulla. I don't know how to write without trying to make it seem real. Fantasy is a different style for me but I'm really pleased you liked it.
Beth
Comment from Ric Myworld
I've never been much of a fantasy reader, but your story seemed so real that it grabbed me from the very beginning and held me throughout. Now I'm hoping some strange women appears in my bedroom. LOL. Just kidding. Heck, I'd sleep right through the intrusion. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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I've never been much of a fantasy reader, but your story seemed so real that it grabbed me from the very beginning and held me throughout. Now I'm hoping some strange women appears in my bedroom. LOL. Just kidding. Heck, I'd sleep right through the intrusion. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you Ric. I'm not a fantasy fan either and I've really never written any except one fairystory for kids. I just challenged myself to enter all the free contests and this was one of them. It isn't something I feel comfortable with.
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Comfortable or not, you certainly have a knack for it. Great writing.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. It was very creative and interesting to read. Wouldn't be great if we could have that special sense of when things were false? Good luck with the contest.
The more bizarre things I was experiencing were still with me, (I would write, The more bizarre things I experienced were still with me, it makes it more active and stronger)
The sky was a brilliant blue, and It felt like the perfect day (it)
'There are others from our world, (the ' can be omitted)
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading. It was very creative and interesting to read. Wouldn't be great if we could have that special sense of when things were false? Good luck with the contest.
The more bizarre things I was experiencing were still with me, (I would write, The more bizarre things I experienced were still with me, it makes it more active and stronger)
The sky was a brilliant blue, and It felt like the perfect day (it)
'There are others from our world, (the ' can be omitted)
Comment Written 22-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2023
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Thank you for a great review and good suggestions which I used. I appreciate all the help I can get.
Beth
