Innocence Betrayed
An entry in the Betrayal Poetry Contest36 total reviews
Comment from JanPerry
Thanks for joining Fanstory and sharing your heartfelt poetry with us humble followers! It portrays the sexual dilemma of so many victims.
I'll read some more of your works now.
Jan ð???
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks for joining Fanstory and sharing your heartfelt poetry with us humble followers! It portrays the sexual dilemma of so many victims.
I'll read some more of your works now.
Jan ð???
Comment Written 19-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2024
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Thanks so much, Jan. Please do! :)
Comment from Narvik
This is one of the most impactful poems I've read. Part of its power comes from its obliqueness. The abuse is described without visual references, and to me that adds to the sense that the victim is too distraught and confused to put it into specific words. Great poem and well worthy of winning the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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This is one of the most impactful poems I've read. Part of its power comes from its obliqueness. The abuse is described without visual references, and to me that adds to the sense that the victim is too distraught and confused to put it into specific words. Great poem and well worthy of winning the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for this insightful review and your very generous six stars! :)
Comment from Sarah Tummey
This is a very powerful piece. I'm not surprised it won the contest, but the way you wrote it with just small snatches of scenes seems to me to capture the trauma of the event. I think my favourite line (if you can have a favourite line in something like this) was, "You left me with an open sewer".
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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This is a very powerful piece. I'm not surprised it won the contest, but the way you wrote it with just small snatches of scenes seems to me to capture the trauma of the event. I think my favourite line (if you can have a favourite line in something like this) was, "You left me with an open sewer".
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much - I appreciate these generous words.
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Really hope you're staying safe. I heard last night there's quite bad flooding where you are.
Comment from BenThrone
This is a very ambitious and troubling poem. The amount of thought and effort you put into writing this is obvious. I love the way you are able to show us the inner workings of the "lamb" (surely a metaphor). The final line is absolutely haunting. A very deserving winner in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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This is a very ambitious and troubling poem. The amount of thought and effort you put into writing this is obvious. I love the way you are able to show us the inner workings of the "lamb" (surely a metaphor). The final line is absolutely haunting. A very deserving winner in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for this feedback, Ben - much appreciated.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow, you've certainly shared thoughts and feelings that will stay with me for a while. And sadly, it happens so often. Monsters on the loose, changing lives forever. Congratulations on your award winning post!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Wow, you've certainly shared thoughts and feelings that will stay with me for a while. And sadly, it happens so often. Monsters on the loose, changing lives forever. Congratulations on your award winning post!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much! :)
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Navada,
This gives very clear images and the strong emotions about sexual abuse.
It seems this is of a family member or friend. It is sad that the victims always think it is their fault when it is definitely not.
The line and stanza breaks work well to enhance the emotion of the poem.
It is said how this effects the relationships for the rest of life.
I hope this is not autobiographical.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a good week.
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Hi Navada,
This gives very clear images and the strong emotions about sexual abuse.
It seems this is of a family member or friend. It is sad that the victims always think it is their fault when it is definitely not.
The line and stanza breaks work well to enhance the emotion of the poem.
It is said how this effects the relationships for the rest of life.
I hope this is not autobiographical.
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a good week.
Joan
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for your empathetic feedback and very generous six stars! :)
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You are most welcome on both accounts, Navada.
Joan
Comment from Sarah Sandison
wow as a children's safeguarding specialist nurse that hit me really hard. I pray that it is not from personal experience. The language you use and the changing font has shown me there is so much I need to learn with my own poetry. This was a tragic but outstanding piece of work. Well done :)
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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wow as a children's safeguarding specialist nurse that hit me really hard. I pray that it is not from personal experience. The language you use and the changing font has shown me there is so much I need to learn with my own poetry. This was a tragic but outstanding piece of work. Well done :)
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for your empathetic remarks and for the generous six stars - much appreciated. :)
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 09-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much - I'm very very grateful!! :)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Very metaphoric and your last lines said it straight: "They're out there,
the vultures,
making slow, lazy circles in the sky.
Hide your lambs."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Very metaphoric and your last lines said it straight: "They're out there,
the vultures,
making slow, lazy circles in the sky.
Hide your lambs."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback.
Comment from Austin Yu
All the entries you had on your poem are beautifully written in a way that everyone can relate to them. However, what makes God, God is that he will forgive us no matter what. He is slow to anger, and rich in love. As long as we repent, we will be saved. Good writing!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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All the entries you had on your poem are beautifully written in a way that everyone can relate to them. However, what makes God, God is that he will forgive us no matter what. He is slow to anger, and rich in love. As long as we repent, we will be saved. Good writing!
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much, Austin - I really appreciate your thoughtful words. xx
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Of course, I loved your work :)
