Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Panpipes - Chapter 5"A Novella
24 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
A good metaphor, in addition to heightening the tension. This is excellent: "Why should he not remain so?" You are a good writer. I like this, so true and amusing: "He was, by nature, a gentle man and scarcely had the heart to wake her. However, the female sergeant accompanying him had no such scruples." I'll be back.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
  |
A good metaphor, in addition to heightening the tension. This is excellent: "Why should he not remain so?" You are a good writer. I like this, so true and amusing: "He was, by nature, a gentle man and scarcely had the heart to wake her. However, the female sergeant accompanying him had no such scruples." I'll be back.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
-
Thanks, Liz. I appreciate your comments.
-
***Smile***
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I read this chapter just before I was rushed into hospital and didn't hava a chance to review. I'm going to catch up now. This was another excellent chapter in this incredible story of yours. Poor Ayesha, she's in trouble, and Bapit, well, he really did mess up. :(
Well done, Tony. I am really enjoying this story. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
|
I read this chapter just before I was rushed into hospital and didn't hava a chance to review. I'm going to catch up now. This was another excellent chapter in this incredible story of yours. Poor Ayesha, she's in trouble, and Bapit, well, he really did mess up. :(
Well done, Tony. I am really enjoying this story. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 04-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2024
-
So good of you to take the time to respond to this chapter, Sandra. Greatly appreciated. Please don't worry about responding to Chapters 6 and 7! I know how much you must have to catch up on. Chapter 8 has money on it for another 14 hours.
Comment from phill doran
This is another great part Tony,
I am sorry I missed this earlier in the week, but better late than, etc.
Bruno's non-death was not an obvious twist (it caught me out, at least) but that is a Good Thing, and it also allows for a really thick twisting of teh plot.
Great Stuff - I assure you, this is not my usual fare, but I am very much on board with your writing here.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2023
 |
This is another great part Tony,
I am sorry I missed this earlier in the week, but better late than, etc.
Bruno's non-death was not an obvious twist (it caught me out, at least) but that is a Good Thing, and it also allows for a really thick twisting of teh plot.
Great Stuff - I assure you, this is not my usual fare, but I am very much on board with your writing here.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 24-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Phill. Glad you are enjoying it. I appreciate the six. All the best, Tony
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Ayesha and Bruno sure seem to be going through it! This is a very different story from a completely different culture and a different way of speaking. Oral writing is very concise and you've made quite believable. Characters in a concise in a consecutive story. Very well done I see no issues with grammar sentence structure punctuation or subject matter. I think you've done a wonderful job and it's a great entry. I hope you have an awesome holiday. A great new year and a wonderful evening too!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
|
Ayesha and Bruno sure seem to be going through it! This is a very different story from a completely different culture and a different way of speaking. Oral writing is very concise and you've made quite believable. Characters in a concise in a consecutive story. Very well done I see no issues with grammar sentence structure punctuation or subject matter. I think you've done a wonderful job and it's a great entry. I hope you have an awesome holiday. A great new year and a wonderful evening too!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
-
Thank you for your thorough and most encouraging review, Lea. Greatly appreciated. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Ulla
Now, this is the scam over all scams. I just love where you're taking this story and I can't wait to reading on. Poor Ayesha is out of her mind from fright. I certainly don't blame her. It's a great story. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
|
Now, this is the scam over all scams. I just love where you're taking this story and I can't wait to reading on. Poor Ayesha is out of her mind from fright. I certainly don't blame her. It's a great story. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
-
Thanks for your encouragement, Ulla. So much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from BethShelby
If Ayesha has to identify Bruno before a creamation can take place will she be held accountable for his death or will she learn that he isn't dead. I wonder what is happening with Bapet and why he was kidnapped. I'm enjoying your story.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
|
If Ayesha has to identify Bruno before a creamation can take place will she be held accountable for his death or will she learn that he isn't dead. I wonder what is happening with Bapet and why he was kidnapped. I'm enjoying your story.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2023
-
Thanks for your continued interest, Beth. Some of these conundrums should be solved soon. I hope so, anyway!
Comment from lyenochka
I wonder if the corrupt police chief would try to pin the death of Bruno on Ayesha? I guess something went wrong in the drug deals that Bruno was involved in. It's too bad that a kind soul like Bapit got involved in all this. Hope the elephant will come back into the story. He's my favorite character!
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
|
I wonder if the corrupt police chief would try to pin the death of Bruno on Ayesha? I guess something went wrong in the drug deals that Bruno was involved in. It's too bad that a kind soul like Bapit got involved in all this. Hope the elephant will come back into the story. He's my favorite character!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Helen. We haven't seen the last of Abharamu. She still has a part to play. I appreciate your thoughts on the story so far. Best wishes, Tony
-
Hooray! I was afraid I am glad I found your post.
Comment from Gloria ....
This chapter exposes the rotten core of the police department, where the major excels at blackmail, brutality and death threats. The veiled threat he made to the doctor's family sent shivers down my spine. The story is gearing up for a complex plot and thrilling showdown between the heroes and villains. The pace is brisk and the parallel scenes flow smoothly.
I was caught off guard by Ayesha as I had expected her to escape the hotel before the police showed up. It's a good thing they took her into custody, since Bruno must have had enough of hiding in the morgue.
The plot is clever and realistic, and I can't wait to see how Bapit and his team will take down the corrupt forces, unless of course I am getting too far ahead of myself.
Much enjoyed, Tony.
Gloria
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
|
This chapter exposes the rotten core of the police department, where the major excels at blackmail, brutality and death threats. The veiled threat he made to the doctor's family sent shivers down my spine. The story is gearing up for a complex plot and thrilling showdown between the heroes and villains. The pace is brisk and the parallel scenes flow smoothly.
I was caught off guard by Ayesha as I had expected her to escape the hotel before the police showed up. It's a good thing they took her into custody, since Bruno must have had enough of hiding in the morgue.
The plot is clever and realistic, and I can't wait to see how Bapit and his team will take down the corrupt forces, unless of course I am getting too far ahead of myself.
Much enjoyed, Tony.
Gloria
Comment Written 21-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Gloria. Another review that encourages me to persist with the story. Greatly appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Wy Jung
Oh wow. Things are heating up now. You're good at spinning a tale and keeping the reader engaged. This story is working into quite the movie script.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
|
Oh wow. Things are heating up now. You're good at spinning a tale and keeping the reader engaged. This story is working into quite the movie script.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
-
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement, Wy. Wishing you all the best for the festive season. Tony.
Comment from Aiona
Fascinating chapter. I didn't see any typos. Good characterization from a 3rd person limited omniscient point of view. The plot is engaging and full of intrigue. I'm not quite sure who to sympathize with yet!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
|
Fascinating chapter. I didn't see any typos. Good characterization from a 3rd person limited omniscient point of view. The plot is engaging and full of intrigue. I'm not quite sure who to sympathize with yet!
Comment Written 19-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023
-
Thanks for your kind words about the plot and for your encouragement, Aiona. Wishing you all the best for the festive season. Tony.
