Cassie Is Missing
A Detective's family is threatened.14 total reviews
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story. I am so happy it has a happy ending this far. You used great descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose. Thanks for sharing! Teri
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This is a very well written story. I am so happy it has a happy ending this far. You used great descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose. Thanks for sharing! Teri
Comment Written 12-Dec-2023
Comment from Lisasview
Excellent story..and I really seldom read short stories here on Fan Story...but the photo of the little girl and the Title drew me in.
I always love seeing movies with this sort of story line...and with an excellent ending... Of course one has to wonder what their plans were with this child in a cage!
Lisasview
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Excellent story..and I really seldom read short stories here on Fan Story...but the photo of the little girl and the Title drew me in.
I always love seeing movies with this sort of story line...and with an excellent ending... Of course one has to wonder what their plans were with this child in a cage!
Lisasview
Comment Written 23-Nov-2023
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Good story that I assume is technically correct. You do, however, have one big problem. You keep slipping from first person to third person. That is a story killer. First person works best in a story about the abduction of a cop's daughter. Here are most of the problems: . . . way to Sharon and (me). . . . release info on those (I) arrested. . . . . . way (our) dog Milo. . . . . . on Astoria Bld. for ( me). . . . set up for (me) . . . (I) was nervous . . . (my) temper . . . (my) emotions . . . Sharon hugged (me) tightly . . . . . . car, (I) told (my) driver . . . Best of luck with this and have a great Thanksgiving.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Good story that I assume is technically correct. You do, however, have one big problem. You keep slipping from first person to third person. That is a story killer. First person works best in a story about the abduction of a cop's daughter. Here are most of the problems: . . . way to Sharon and (me). . . . release info on those (I) arrested. . . . . . way (our) dog Milo. . . . . . on Astoria Bld. for ( me). . . . set up for (me) . . . (I) was nervous . . . (my) temper . . . (my) emotions . . . Sharon hugged (me) tightly . . . . . . car, (I) told (my) driver . . . Best of luck with this and have a great Thanksgiving.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2023
Comment from LJbutterfly
You packed a lot of mystery, suspense, and action into this short crime fiction. Details of the investigation and suspects sounded authentic. A child was kidnapped, a dog lost its life and officers were wounded. I loved the satisfying ending acknowledging a little girl needed hugs from her parents. Well done.
I exited the vehicle and ran up the front steps, through the open front door, to find my wife Nancy, (isn't the wife Sharon)?
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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You packed a lot of mystery, suspense, and action into this short crime fiction. Details of the investigation and suspects sounded authentic. A child was kidnapped, a dog lost its life and officers were wounded. I loved the satisfying ending acknowledging a little girl needed hugs from her parents. Well done.
I exited the vehicle and ran up the front steps, through the open front door, to find my wife Nancy, (isn't the wife Sharon)?
Comment Written 21-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2023
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Thanks for taking the time to read this one. LOL, caught. I was working on two stories and totally put the wrong character name in there. Good catch, Thank You!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Wow, this one had strong momentum and I think I barely breathed during this excellent story. You've captured all the tension, fear and horror of this kind of incident whilst revealing great knowledge about police procedures. The only thing I would say is that it all seemed to be wrapped up a bit too neatly and, ideally, it could have been expanded into several chapters to draw out more of the realism and emotional content. But it's flawlessly expressed and an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
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Wow, this one had strong momentum and I think I barely breathed during this excellent story. You've captured all the tension, fear and horror of this kind of incident whilst revealing great knowledge about police procedures. The only thing I would say is that it all seemed to be wrapped up a bit too neatly and, ideally, it could have been expanded into several chapters to draw out more of the realism and emotional content. But it's flawlessly expressed and an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 21-Nov-2023
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Hot action. Great story. Very well told.
But now I'm stuck for another hundred characters to make a legal review!
I wish every child abduction was so successful.
Best wishes.
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Hot action. Great story. Very well told.
But now I'm stuck for another hundred characters to make a legal review!
I wish every child abduction was so successful.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this story with us. Unfortunately, although it's fictional, it happens. You did a great job writing it.
I did not realize that we had arrived at my house, (omit 'that')
I do not think Sharon should be alone right now." (Under the circumstances, I think he'd say, 'I don't')
finding It locked. (it)
"Jimmy I'm really scared. (Jimmy, I doubt under the circumstances she would used the word 'really')
the Lt. Told his driver, (told)
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Thank you for sharing this story with us. Unfortunately, although it's fictional, it happens. You did a great job writing it.
I did not realize that we had arrived at my house, (omit 'that')
I do not think Sharon should be alone right now." (Under the circumstances, I think he'd say, 'I don't')
finding It locked. (it)
"Jimmy I'm really scared. (Jimmy, I doubt under the circumstances she would used the word 'really')
the Lt. Told his driver, (told)
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
Comment from Wendyanne
This was an exciting well written story as we are wondering if the little girl will be found and , if so, will she still be alive? I found this quite enjoyable. Well done.
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This was an exciting well written story as we are wondering if the little girl will be found and , if so, will she still be alive? I found this quite enjoyable. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow! What a whirlwind pace here! Usually, these kinds of stories drag out (I read this genre a lot. Most times, I love them, but sometimes, the time it takes to get to the action is laborious. Definitely not the case here!)
It's nice to read something longer than a POEM on here!! I enjoyed your creation very much. xo
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Wow! What a whirlwind pace here! Usually, these kinds of stories drag out (I read this genre a lot. Most times, I love them, but sometimes, the time it takes to get to the action is laborious. Definitely not the case here!)
It's nice to read something longer than a POEM on here!! I enjoyed your creation very much. xo
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
Comment from Navada
Wow. This is a really vivid and horrific tale. The amount of detail included really brings it to life and makes it seem terribly real. You create suspense effectively and I was so relieved when Cassie was spared, although I feel awful for poor Milo. Thanks for the share.
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Wow. This is a really vivid and horrific tale. The amount of detail included really brings it to life and makes it seem terribly real. You create suspense effectively and I was so relieved when Cassie was spared, although I feel awful for poor Milo. Thanks for the share.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2023
