Comment from Janis Miller

Excellent

I imagine this is someone in an abusive relationship or perhaps a neglected one. I think a word change suggestion may bring some more elegance to fit the rest of the words. Instead of rotting, perhaps "decayed"

The repetition of no more in such a short poem to me feels too redundant like there could be more you might be able to add, but someone else might love it.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2023

---

reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023

You are correct the word decayed fits the piece better. I am sorry you don't like the repeating phrase. Thank you for taking the time to review.

reply by Janis Miller on 24-Oct-2023

No worries. That is just my silly opinion, and honestly (who am I?) Just a reader of absolutely ZERO renown. I wouldn't even take it as a suggestion to make changes. It is purely just an opinion. Thanks for being kind! (some people can be harsh in replies)

Comment from Eleri

Excellent

This poem has the correct number of syllables per line for the Cinquain contest and is very powerful. I like the repetition of the first line at the end and I presume you meant 'coarse' in the second line and not 'course'.
Good luck in the contest
Eleri

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2023

---

reply by the author on 24-Oct-2023

I did my fingers don't always do right and my brain knows what it is supposed to say. That is one of the reasons we need others to read.