Red Skeletons
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Marred"Haunting Poetry for the Darkness in us all
2 total reviews
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is an interesting entry for the ABC poetry contest. The train of thought is relatable. The final line is nicely rhymed. Just a comment, if I may.
In the third line, the word - Teat - doesn't make sense to me. Do you mean entice him with your bosom, then torture with the torment of not being able to touch? The word - Tease - came to mind if that were the case.
Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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This is an interesting entry for the ABC poetry contest. The train of thought is relatable. The final line is nicely rhymed. Just a comment, if I may.
In the third line, the word - Teat - doesn't make sense to me. Do you mean entice him with your bosom, then torture with the torment of not being able to touch? The word - Tease - came to mind if that were the case.
Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the competition.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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Thank you for pointing out the problem with the third line. I have made an adjustment if you would like to check it out.
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That is much better :-)
Comment from kahpot
Wow! this is certainly a powerful piece about revenge, I really like the alliteration in the first four lines, very descriptive and to the point, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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Wow! this is certainly a powerful piece about revenge, I really like the alliteration in the first four lines, very descriptive and to the point, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 10-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2023
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Thank you. I thought it gave it more focus somehow so it drew the reader in I hope.
