A Magical Mixture of Music
A poem about A Magical Mixture of Music6 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This is very good, but needs a couple more tweaks
notes:
For music is very truly
a language understood
when taking it in you'll duly
be all that you could and should {be}
- suggest removing this last word. It interrupts the rhyme
As the vibrations suddenly bind you
to that dawn of the new understanding then tomorrow will find you
honing perfecting and standing
should be:
As the vibrations suddenly bind you
to that dawn of the new understanding
then tomorrow will find you
honing perfecting and standing
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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This is very good, but needs a couple more tweaks
notes:
For music is very truly
a language understood
when taking it in you'll duly
be all that you could and should {be}
- suggest removing this last word. It interrupts the rhyme
As the vibrations suddenly bind you
to that dawn of the new understanding then tomorrow will find you
honing perfecting and standing
should be:
As the vibrations suddenly bind you
to that dawn of the new understanding
then tomorrow will find you
honing perfecting and standing
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for your help and I really appreciate your advice.
Blessings,
Brother Badger
I have taken your advice and edited
Comment from Sally Law
How good to see you again, old FanStory friend! It's been a long time. I'm glad to see you writing. Marvelous poem of the comedy and tragedy of life.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for your book.
Sal :))
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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How good to see you again, old FanStory friend! It's been a long time. I'm glad to see you writing. Marvelous poem of the comedy and tragedy of life.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for your book.
Sal :))
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for your time and continued support.
Blessings,
Brother Badger
Darren
Comment from w.j.debi
Music can certainly lead us with it's magical ability to speak directly to the soul. Nice meter and rhyme as well as a well developed theme make this interesting and fun to read.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Music can certainly lead us with it's magical ability to speak directly to the soul. Nice meter and rhyme as well as a well developed theme make this interesting and fun to read.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for your time and continued support, I really appreciate you.
Blessings,
Brother Badger
Comment from royowen
It's not easy when one is uncertain in life, the times can be a little better by adjusting one's behaviour, but attitude and outlook can, from negative to positive, saying and thinking positively, beautifully written Darren, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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It's not easy when one is uncertain in life, the times can be a little better by adjusting one's behaviour, but attitude and outlook can, from negative to positive, saying and thinking positively, beautifully written Darren, blessings Roy
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for your time and continued support, I really appreciate your help.
Yours truly,
Darren
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Most welckme
Comment from Paul Manton
Hello Badger. Good to meet another musician. I trained in classical vocal studies but also sang folk music (trad. English and Irish) most of my life -now help out with music at my local church. (See my 'notes' for more)
Lots to say about your poem. I can help you to make it much better, if you allow me:
When I read verse one, I was instantly impressed: a quatrain alternating four and thee beats to the line, with an abab rhyme - and a sprung trochaic beat on line 4, in an otherwise iambic rhythm. (Still with me?)
If not, no problem - just that, it was great! And if you had done that throughout, the poem would have been a masterpiece.
But verse two decides to differ - however, perfectly ok, for now we have
just three beats to the bar BUT with an obvious typo - last word snuck in and needs to get binned! Then verse two is fine.
Verse three is anapaestic TWO beats to the line - but still works (you are holding on by your fingernails!)
Verse four is much the same, with your delightful 'comagedy' (applause from me) - but unluckily, in spite of that brave attempt, it still lacks a syllable to make it scan. So you could have written eg ' humanity's comagedy' thus keeping your great word and restoring the meter.
After that, consider removing some of the weaker verses, which don't scan or rhyme properly - you will end up with a much better poem, even if it is half the length.
Three before the end, you obviously need to restore the four lines - but read the other verse aloud - you are a musician after all: whether the half rhymes work or not, listen to the beat - some lines need to lose syllables, some need to gain them.
Good luck with this and all your future writing.
Paul
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Hello Badger. Good to meet another musician. I trained in classical vocal studies but also sang folk music (trad. English and Irish) most of my life -now help out with music at my local church. (See my 'notes' for more)
Lots to say about your poem. I can help you to make it much better, if you allow me:
When I read verse one, I was instantly impressed: a quatrain alternating four and thee beats to the line, with an abab rhyme - and a sprung trochaic beat on line 4, in an otherwise iambic rhythm. (Still with me?)
If not, no problem - just that, it was great! And if you had done that throughout, the poem would have been a masterpiece.
But verse two decides to differ - however, perfectly ok, for now we have
just three beats to the bar BUT with an obvious typo - last word snuck in and needs to get binned! Then verse two is fine.
Verse three is anapaestic TWO beats to the line - but still works (you are holding on by your fingernails!)
Verse four is much the same, with your delightful 'comagedy' (applause from me) - but unluckily, in spite of that brave attempt, it still lacks a syllable to make it scan. So you could have written eg ' humanity's comagedy' thus keeping your great word and restoring the meter.
After that, consider removing some of the weaker verses, which don't scan or rhyme properly - you will end up with a much better poem, even if it is half the length.
Three before the end, you obviously need to restore the four lines - but read the other verse aloud - you are a musician after all: whether the half rhymes work or not, listen to the beat - some lines need to lose syllables, some need to gain them.
Good luck with this and all your future writing.
Paul
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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My dear Paul, I really appreciate your advice, and am willing to improve this as per your advice, please give me more feedback!
Yours truly,
Darren
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You are an original my friend.
Good luck with all your future work.
Always glad to help.
Paul
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You are so welcome
Comment from JSD
Good luck with your book. Not got my head round that concept yet. This is an excellent and well structured consideration of the magic spells music can cast.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Good luck with your book. Not got my head round that concept yet. This is an excellent and well structured consideration of the magic spells music can cast.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Dear JSD, thanks for your good review, I really appreciate your time and support.
Sincerely,
Brother Badger
