Offshore Lights
The oil rigs that dot the Southern California coastline.10 total reviews
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Welcome to the Fanstory community of writers. We are glad to have you join us. Congratulations on this your first post. This is a super poem for the nature 3 - 5 - 3 prompt. I agree with you - I would wonder whether darkness would have been the preferred scenery.
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Welcome to the Fanstory community of writers. We are glad to have you join us. Congratulations on this your first post. This is a super poem for the nature 3 - 5 - 3 prompt. I agree with you - I would wonder whether darkness would have been the preferred scenery.
Comment Written 28-May-2023
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your contest entry, James.
I enjoyed reading it. To me, the syllable count was
correct. I liked the added image. Your notes were
interesting, too. In the South, oil is spoken with more
than one syllable. However, that is regional. I'm not
a contest judge, but it seemed fine to me.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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You did a great job with your contest entry, James.
I enjoyed reading it. To me, the syllable count was
correct. I liked the added image. Your notes were
interesting, too. In the South, oil is spoken with more
than one syllable. However, that is regional. I'm not
a contest judge, but it seemed fine to me.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 27-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thanks Jan! My own way of speaking I'll occasionally drop a "-yull" at the end depending on the situation, but rarely. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I certainly enjoyed your feedback. Thank you.
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Haha, make that y'all for the South.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is a good entry for the 3-5-3 nature writing prompt contest.
A descriptive piece within such a small space allowed. There is something reassuring about lights along the way in the dark of night - oil rigs or not.
Nicely done and best of luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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This is a good entry for the 3-5-3 nature writing prompt contest.
A descriptive piece within such a small space allowed. There is something reassuring about lights along the way in the dark of night - oil rigs or not.
Nicely done and best of luck in the competition.
Comment Written 27-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thanks for replying! I'm glad you liked the work. Yes the lights are nice to look at in a mechanical sort of way, but at the same time the feeling I'm left with looking at them is a bit of a mixed bag when I consider what they actually are. Once again, thanks for the response. Cheers!
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Thanks for replying! I'm glad you liked the work. Yes the lights are nice to look at in a mechanical sort of way, but at the same time the feeling I'm left with looking at them is a bit of a mixed bag when I consider what they actually are. Once again, thanks for the response. Cheers!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Nature 3-5-3 writing prompt contest.
I like the presentation too. Concrete images easy to visualize.
Good syllables count and connection between lines.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Excellent entry for the Nature 3-5-3 writing prompt contest.
I like the presentation too. Concrete images easy to visualize.
Good syllables count and connection between lines.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 26-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thanks for the response! I really appreciate the feedback!
The presentation kind of came together last minute. I tried finding a photo of offshore oil rigs by night but every image that came up was either of a solitary oil rig and not a chain, or it would be a chain of oil rigs during the day. This image was the closest compromise. From there it was choosing a background color that would be harmonious with the photo's palette and then choosing a text color that would be visible and easily readable.
Once again thanks for the response. I really want to improve as a writer so to find out where my strengths currently lie is a wealth of information, information that I can use as I approach future works. Thank you.
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Thanks for the response! I really appreciate the feedback!
The presentation kind of came together last minute. I tried finding a photo of offshore oil rigs by night but every image that came up was either of a solitary oil rig and not a chain, or it would be a chain of oil rigs during the day. This image was the closest compromise. From there it was choosing a background color that would be harmonious with the photo's palette and then choosing a text color that would be visible and easily readable.
Once again thanks for the response. I really want to improve as a writer so to find out where my strengths currently lie is a wealth of information, information that I can use as I approach future works. Thank you.
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I like your poem and the picture you have.
Here is another:
https://i.pinimg.com/564x/4d/f4/eb/4df4eb93de3ce9ade3ab193ddddf1314.jpg
Comment from Bill Schott
This 3-5-3, Offshore Lights, has the proper formatting and imagines the steady and brilliant oil rig lights casting awesome shine from the sea. Cities offshore.
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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This 3-5-3, Offshore Lights, has the proper formatting and imagines the steady and brilliant oil rig lights casting awesome shine from the sea. Cities offshore.
Comment Written 26-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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They really are like a constellation almost; at once arresting in their mechanical beauty, but also off putting as to their true purpose and interruption of the coastal scene.
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They really are like a constellation almost; at once arresting in their mechanical beauty, but also off putting as to their true purpose and interruption of the coastal scene.
Comment from Paulina Jisel Franklin
This reminds me of San Pedro and the South Bay for whatever reason. I love driving on those bridges over there and the lights are very pretty. Bravo!
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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This reminds me of San Pedro and the South Bay for whatever reason. I love driving on those bridges over there and the lights are very pretty. Bravo!
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Close! It was written about a long empty stretch further South. :D
I'm glad the imagery was able to trigger a scene for you! Thanks for the reply!
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Close! It was written about a long empty stretch further South. :D
I'm glad the imagery was able to trigger a scene for you! Thanks for the reply!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A poignant write about lights on the sea beaming bright and drawing attention, I wish you luck with the contest and welcome to Fanstory, love Dolly x x x x x
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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A poignant write about lights on the sea beaming bright and drawing attention, I wish you luck with the contest and welcome to Fanstory, love Dolly x x x x x
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thank you for the warm welcome, Dolly! I'm glad you enjoyed the work! I'm so jazzed to be a part of this community!
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Thank you for the warm welcome, Dolly! I'm glad you enjoyed the work! I'm so jazzed to be a part of this community!
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You will enjoy it here and your writing will benefit too, good luck James x x x
Comment from royowen
I think in the darkness any light is a relief, what do we look for in life, metaphorically, anything that will give us a clue as to existence, but in your case physical, a light always represents hope. Welcome to fanstory, Beautifully written, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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I think in the darkness any light is a relief, what do we look for in life, metaphorically, anything that will give us a clue as to existence, but in your case physical, a light always represents hope. Welcome to fanstory, Beautifully written, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thank you so much for such a warm welcome, Roy! I've only been on the site for a few days now but it already feels like I'm part of a community of writers striving to hone their craft.
I really appreciate your kind words about my work. I also agree with you. In life we look for the light in the dark, but I also believe we learn to understand that the darkness is also a part of life. It's a part that's hard to accept.
Once again thank you so much for the review. It really fires me up to hear feedback from people!
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Thank you so much for such a warm welcome, Roy! I've only been on the site for a few days now but it already feels like I'm part of a community of writers striving to hone their craft.
I really appreciate your kind words about my work. I also agree with you. In life we look for the light in the dark, but I also believe we learn to understand that the darkness is also a part of life. It's a part that's hard to accept.
Once again thank you so much for the review. It really fires me up to hear feedback from people!
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My pleasure James, yes, it?s a great community, empathetic and kind,
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Thanks Roy! Cheers!
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My privilege
Comment from Lorinda lee Boyer
I felt this. Felt myself in the car, travelling along, trying to wipe away the bad day only to see those oil rigs. Dang it. That would have ruined it for me, too.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I felt this. Felt myself in the car, travelling along, trying to wipe away the bad day only to see those oil rigs. Dang it. That would have ruined it for me, too.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you so much for reading! I'm really glad I was able to make you feel something, feel apart of it. That's an incredible response to get! And, yes, those oil rigs can ruin the view but at the same time the lights on the water are kind of nice in a weird, "gooey" way.
I think if I had more space I would've tried to also convey that they're oddly pleasant to look at and gone further in describing the conflicting emotion they present. Alas, there's only so much you can do with so few syllables!
I really appreciate you taking the time to not only read this but to also leave a review. Thank you!
Comment from Mario PIERRE
Welcome to FS and you started with a good post. You are right, oil sounds quite ... gooey(?)...LOL . Anyway, I enjoyed the poem, and I think you can see beauty in anything, even oil rigs!!
Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Welcome to FS and you started with a good post. You are right, oil sounds quite ... gooey(?)...LOL . Anyway, I enjoyed the poem, and I think you can see beauty in anything, even oil rigs!!
Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you so much for the warm welcome! You're spot on the money! They do make me feel, "gooey". Like on one hand it's kind of nice looking out across the black water and seeing a string of lights, but, nonetheless, they're oil rigs.
Thanks for reviewing!
