Ralph, Norton, Alice and Trixie
Flash fiction club entry34 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
You did a great job representing the emus as the Honeymooners, John. I remember that show fondly. I never realized there were only 39 episodes. It was so hilarious.
My favorite line from that show (naturally) is the one where Ralph was teaching Norton to play golf, and he tells Norton, "Now address the ball," and Norton replies, "Hello, ball." I also loved that "To the moon, Alice" line too. Fond memories you've brought back. Jim
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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You did a great job representing the emus as the Honeymooners, John. I remember that show fondly. I never realized there were only 39 episodes. It was so hilarious.
My favorite line from that show (naturally) is the one where Ralph was teaching Norton to play golf, and he tells Norton, "Now address the ball," and Norton replies, "Hello, ball." I also loved that "To the moon, Alice" line too. Fond memories you've brought back. Jim
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I?m glad it brought back some smiles.
Awesome review.
John
Comment from LJbutterfly
This flash fiction story is hilarious. It's also creative, turning the Honeymooners into emus. You did a fine job replicating the voices of the famous four. I enjoyed the story, and the educational information on emus. Well done.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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This flash fiction story is hilarious. It's also creative, turning the Honeymooners into emus. You did a fine job replicating the voices of the famous four. I enjoyed the story, and the educational information on emus. Well done.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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LJ, thank you so much for a great review and constant support.
John
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your story was fun to read, John. While I've never
seen an original show from these 4, I liked your 4
emu characters. I liked the way you wove in great
factual information about emus. You gave each emu
a great personality. Your little group sounded just
like real people. Poor Ralph. He will never fly, but he
will make a fun dad.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Your story was fun to read, John. While I've never
seen an original show from these 4, I liked your 4
emu characters. I liked the way you wove in great
factual information about emus. You gave each emu
a great personality. Your little group sounded just
like real people. Poor Ralph. He will never fly, but he
will make a fun dad.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Jan,
Thank you for reading and sharing. Sorry for the late response.
John
Comment from w.j.debi
This is a fun response to the club prompt. It seems Ralph is a bit jealous of Limu's success and is willing to do whatever it takes to prove he is better. Alice likes him just that way he is. Lucky, boy.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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This is a fun response to the club prompt. It seems Ralph is a bit jealous of Limu's success and is willing to do whatever it takes to prove he is better. Alice likes him just that way he is. Lucky, boy.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Debi,
Thank you for reading and your time for a great review.
John
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading. It was fun. My major suggestion is to keep an eye on your dialogue.
The male emu takes over and sits on the nest for the next six plus weeks to incubate the eggs. (I thought only male penguins took care of the egg, so do male emus. Good to know.
"Ed! Be nice." Trixie said as she gave him a stern (comma after 'nice,' it's dialogue)
"Oh, Alice, he's going to hurt himself. He's trying to fly again. Make him stop." Trixie said worriedly. (comma after 'stop,' it's dialogue or use an action tag instead of speech to show being worried and not tell us.)
there's no stopping him, or reasoning with him." Alice replied. ('him,' in dialogue you use commas)
"Ralph, don't be so hard on Ed," Trixie asked. ( I don't read the question, so 'said' instead of 'asked'
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. I enjoyed reading. It was fun. My major suggestion is to keep an eye on your dialogue.
The male emu takes over and sits on the nest for the next six plus weeks to incubate the eggs. (I thought only male penguins took care of the egg, so do male emus. Good to know.
"Ed! Be nice." Trixie said as she gave him a stern (comma after 'nice,' it's dialogue)
"Oh, Alice, he's going to hurt himself. He's trying to fly again. Make him stop." Trixie said worriedly. (comma after 'stop,' it's dialogue or use an action tag instead of speech to show being worried and not tell us.)
there's no stopping him, or reasoning with him." Alice replied. ('him,' in dialogue you use commas)
"Ralph, don't be so hard on Ed," Trixie asked. ( I don't read the question, so 'said' instead of 'asked'
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Wow, I really need to review my work better. I thought I did.
Thank you for finding them and your support.
John
Comment from Ric Myworld
With all the great shows I've watched over many years, I'll never understand why the Honeymooners wasn't one of the longest lasting of them all. It was one of my favorites ever. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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With all the great shows I've watched over many years, I'll never understand why the Honeymooners wasn't one of the longest lasting of them all. It was one of my favorites ever. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Same here on both points.
Thank you.
John
Comment from Jesse James Doty
You did a good job of replicating the voice patterns of the Honeymooners. I loved them when I used to watch Television! Anyway, this is a great entry into the contest for why did the emu cross the road!
Thanks for the dialogue and the laughs so early in the morning!
Jesse
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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You did a good job of replicating the voice patterns of the Honeymooners. I loved them when I used to watch Television! Anyway, this is a great entry into the contest for why did the emu cross the road!
Thanks for the dialogue and the laughs so early in the morning!
Jesse
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Jesse, you?re welcome and thank you for reading.
John
Comment from BethShelby
I rememeber the show. Casting them as emus was a uniques idea, but I did learn some things I didn't know about emus. I think it might be hard to get either Nortor or Ralph to hatch thier wife's eggs but short of that you got their characters down well.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I rememeber the show. Casting them as emus was a uniques idea, but I did learn some things I didn't know about emus. I think it might be hard to get either Nortor or Ralph to hatch thier wife's eggs but short of that you got their characters down well.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you, Beth. Sorry for the late response.
John
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice story.
"Ed? What's goin on?" asked Trixie walking over towards him pushing a chick carriage. Trixie is Norton's wife and the little chick in the carriage is, Zazu. - Who's Ed? Comma before Zazu isn't needed.
Look-at-em, - Maybe (look at 'im since 'em is abbreviated from 'them')
Maybe next time I'll rennet to laugh... - rennet???? (stomach contents???)
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Nice story.
"Ed? What's goin on?" asked Trixie walking over towards him pushing a chick carriage. Trixie is Norton's wife and the little chick in the carriage is, Zazu. - Who's Ed? Comma before Zazu isn't needed.
Look-at-em, - Maybe (look at 'im since 'em is abbreviated from 'them')
Maybe next time I'll rennet to laugh... - rennet???? (stomach contents???)
Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you, Wayne.
Sorry for the late response.
John
Comment from Tom Horonzy
WEll, you replicated the foursome very well. DId you yell, Fore! I'm coming through or got up at 3 a.m. to pen this episode like I did on A Seascape Scene? Regardless, not irregardless, I liked it.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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WEll, you replicated the foursome very well. DId you yell, Fore! I'm coming through or got up at 3 a.m. to pen this episode like I did on A Seascape Scene? Regardless, not irregardless, I liked it.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you, Tom and sorry for the late response.
John
