Ralph, Norton, Alice and Trixie
Flash fiction club entry34 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
In enjoyed your Honeymooners/Emu history mash-up.
I wish, though, you didn't need to pause the story for factual information regarding big, flightless birds. This is called exposition, and it's frowned upon fiction. I don't have any suggestions for fixing it, I'm afraid.
When you're telling a joke and you have to pause to explain something, the joke is likely to fall flat. I think the notion of turning Ralph and Ed Norton into emus is a hard row to hoe.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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In enjoyed your Honeymooners/Emu history mash-up.
I wish, though, you didn't need to pause the story for factual information regarding big, flightless birds. This is called exposition, and it's frowned upon fiction. I don't have any suggestions for fixing it, I'm afraid.
When you're telling a joke and you have to pause to explain something, the joke is likely to fall flat. I think the notion of turning Ralph and Ed Norton into emus is a hard row to hoe.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you, Lee. You?re the second reviewer to bring that up. I?ll have to be more aware of that when writing.
Much appreciated, my friend.
John
Comment from karenina
What a lark (or Emu) to integrate "The Honeymooners" into this fun story!
I loved that show as well ~ and I'm astounded that it only lasted 39 episodes... (I'm thinking I must have seen them all a dozen times, in that case.)
I think you did a great job replicating their voices, by the way...
Very original "take" ~ and no errors that I could find, for sure.
Nice!
Karenina
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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What a lark (or Emu) to integrate "The Honeymooners" into this fun story!
I loved that show as well ~ and I'm astounded that it only lasted 39 episodes... (I'm thinking I must have seen them all a dozen times, in that case.)
I think you did a great job replicating their voices, by the way...
Very original "take" ~ and no errors that I could find, for sure.
Nice!
Karenina
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Karenina. Fantastic words in your review. Thank you so much!
John
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Welcome! My pleasure!
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi John, whether he is Ralph Kramden or Ralph Emu, Ralph just can't win when it comes to Alice. I enjoyed reading your fun story. Humor always sells.
Of special note:
"I got one for you, Ralph," Alice chimed in. "Why did the rooster cross the road? ... He had something to cock-a-doodle dooo!"
(Alice could always one-up Ralph with a zinger.)
Question...did we ever find out what happened to Ralph Emu's wing or did I miss it?
("Ralph?" asked Alice. "What have you done to your wings?
"Yea, Ralphie-boy, go ahead, tell Alice.")
Great classic photo of the Honeymooners. Well done. Keep the blue waters flowing. Margaret
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Hi John, whether he is Ralph Kramden or Ralph Emu, Ralph just can't win when it comes to Alice. I enjoyed reading your fun story. Humor always sells.
Of special note:
"I got one for you, Ralph," Alice chimed in. "Why did the rooster cross the road? ... He had something to cock-a-doodle dooo!"
(Alice could always one-up Ralph with a zinger.)
Question...did we ever find out what happened to Ralph Emu's wing or did I miss it?
("Ralph?" asked Alice. "What have you done to your wings?
"Yea, Ralphie-boy, go ahead, tell Alice.")
Great classic photo of the Honeymooners. Well done. Keep the blue waters flowing. Margaret
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I dropped the ball on the wing, a change of thought process. I guess I should?a winged it (haha).
Honeymooners was a great show and I usually watch the Honeymooner marathon on NY Eve.
Thank you so much for reading, Margaret. I appreciate your time.
John
Comment from Ginda Simpson
You certainly captured the personalities of the characters on the Honeymooners. You succeeded in transferring their voices to fit your emu story. And as with the Honeymooners, you succeeded to telling a bunch of nonsense, which means you did great with this flash fiction.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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You certainly captured the personalities of the characters on the Honeymooners. You succeeded in transferring their voices to fit your emu story. And as with the Honeymooners, you succeeded to telling a bunch of nonsense, which means you did great with this flash fiction.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you, Ginda for reading.
John
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
The episodes always ended with that line, didn't they? I'm sure certain ones of us will remember that show - my dad loved it.
I thought this was a good approach for the contest prompt - turning the Emus into characters we know. If I could make one suggestion, it would be that you TOLD us a lot about Emus. I think this would have been more effective if you had SHOWED us through descriptive language and possibly dialogue as to what an Emu is. Every time you stopped to tell me something - "a male emu is called a cock, females are called hens) - it took me out of the story.
Thanks for taking us down Memory Lane with this fun story.
Pam
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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The episodes always ended with that line, didn't they? I'm sure certain ones of us will remember that show - my dad loved it.
I thought this was a good approach for the contest prompt - turning the Emus into characters we know. If I could make one suggestion, it would be that you TOLD us a lot about Emus. I think this would have been more effective if you had SHOWED us through descriptive language and possibly dialogue as to what an Emu is. Every time you stopped to tell me something - "a male emu is called a cock, females are called hens) - it took me out of the story.
Thanks for taking us down Memory Lane with this fun story.
Pam
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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That?s a great point, Pam. I"ll try to employ that in future posts.
I always appreciate your support. John
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This was not as I expected given the title and picture. I have to say I found it to be clever, creative and funny. You did a great job in capturing the Honeymooners dialogue and then to make them emus is so over the top in entertainment.
Mary
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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This was not as I expected given the title and picture. I have to say I found it to be clever, creative and funny. You did a great job in capturing the Honeymooners dialogue and then to make them emus is so over the top in entertainment.
Mary
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Mary ? fantastic review, thank you!
John
Comment from lyenochka
I enjoyed your emu version of the Honeymooners. I think that some of Ralph's threats would not be politically correct these days. But you made him do his typical threat but they ended as "love birds" in the end. And you captured the personalities of all the characters very well! Loved your creative entry!
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I enjoyed your emu version of the Honeymooners. I think that some of Ralph's threats would not be politically correct these days. But you made him do his typical threat but they ended as "love birds" in the end. And you captured the personalities of all the characters very well! Loved your creative entry!
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you, Helen for such a fine review.
I watched four episodes of All in the Family over the weekend as I was a temporary bachelor. That would NEVER be allowed today.
Thanks again.
John
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It's funny how our sensibilities have changed over the years. Great job with your story!
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
You did very well with the entry. This is very creative, funny, and interesting. It was fun to learn so many things by emus, also. I was born and raised in New York City and my parents were from the era of The Honeymooners. You wrote the voices very well.Excellent writing!
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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You did very well with the entry. This is very creative, funny, and interesting. It was fun to learn so many things by emus, also. I was born and raised in New York City and my parents were from the era of The Honeymooners. You wrote the voices very well.Excellent writing!
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you for a fine review. This was a great sitcom series though short lived.
John
Comment from Teri7
This was really too cute! Believe it or not, I remember them on television a long time ago when I was very young. It was a funny show and this is a funny post. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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This was really too cute! Believe it or not, I remember them on television a long time ago when I was very young. It was a funny show and this is a funny post. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you, Teri. I?m glad this brought up some memories.
John
Comment from lancellot
Very cute. I did watch the Honeymooners reruns growing up. And I didn't care about it being in black and white, for a time a black and white Tv was all we had. Have you ever noticed how similar they are to the Flintstones?
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Very cute. I did watch the Honeymooners reruns growing up. And I didn't care about it being in black and white, for a time a black and white Tv was all we had. Have you ever noticed how similar they are to the Flintstones?
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you for reading and sharing. Flintstones, huh?
I can see some similarities.
John
