Ralph, Norton, Alice and Trixie
Flash fiction club entry34 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Wish I had a six in the cupboard. This was very funny and I learned a few things. You definitely had the speech and idiosyncrasies down pat. These were funny dad jokes and I could see Jackie Gleason and the rest of them as emus. Very funny. Good luck in the contest. Gretchen
reply by the author on 30-May-2023
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Wish I had a six in the cupboard. This was very funny and I learned a few things. You definitely had the speech and idiosyncrasies down pat. These were funny dad jokes and I could see Jackie Gleason and the rest of them as emus. Very funny. Good luck in the contest. Gretchen
Comment Written 27-May-2023
reply by the author on 30-May-2023
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Sorry for the late response. Time has been short recently. I do appreciate you reading and sharing, as always!
John
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well done. I thought you'd captured their speech well. As I was reading it took me back to watching The Honeymooners many years ago. Great choice for this fun challenge. Well done, cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Well done. I thought you'd captured their speech well. As I was reading it took me back to watching The Honeymooners many years ago. Great choice for this fun challenge. Well done, cheers
Valda
Comment Written 27-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thank you so much, Pearl!
I appreciate your words.
Thanks again,
John
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Emus must be really interesting to watch. You've done a good job of turning four of them into the Honeymooners. I can almost hear the voices of the foursome as they find something to argue about, which seemed to be what every episode was about.
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Emus must be really interesting to watch. You've done a good job of turning four of them into the Honeymooners. I can almost hear the voices of the foursome as they find something to argue about, which seemed to be what every episode was about.
Comment Written 26-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thank you , Carol for a great review!
John
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi John,
loved the story intertwining with the Honeymooners theme... very creative and a great twist indeed.
Not only was the story good, but the added facts went down a treat John.
Sad fact... here, where I live, we used to have families of emus strolling around the golf course, on the way into town... even had them on my front lawn. But with the introduction of unconscious drivers from out of the area who were quickly moving into our untouched little village, and not appreciating where they lived and who they share their space with... our little families of emus were systematically wiped out. That was over ten years ago now, haven't seen one since here. The coastal emu is nearing extinction because of humans who believe they own more rights to life. Sad facts are, even if it was only the male that got taken out, that alone would end several breeding seasons. Yes, the female would lay her eggs, but she would not hatch them... they'd just be left.
Shorter only than the ostrich... personally, I would just changed this around... something along the lines of...
a close second to their cousins, the ostrich.
Once a crazy(,) omit comma hare-brained.
Not sure of your use of 'rennet' as to my understanding it's the contents of an unweaned calves stomach?
Really enjoyed the read John, enjoyed the comic relief sprinkle deftly throughout, well done my friend.
With our thoughts we create...
a flight plan.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Hi John,
loved the story intertwining with the Honeymooners theme... very creative and a great twist indeed.
Not only was the story good, but the added facts went down a treat John.
Sad fact... here, where I live, we used to have families of emus strolling around the golf course, on the way into town... even had them on my front lawn. But with the introduction of unconscious drivers from out of the area who were quickly moving into our untouched little village, and not appreciating where they lived and who they share their space with... our little families of emus were systematically wiped out. That was over ten years ago now, haven't seen one since here. The coastal emu is nearing extinction because of humans who believe they own more rights to life. Sad facts are, even if it was only the male that got taken out, that alone would end several breeding seasons. Yes, the female would lay her eggs, but she would not hatch them... they'd just be left.
Shorter only than the ostrich... personally, I would just changed this around... something along the lines of...
a close second to their cousins, the ostrich.
Once a crazy(,) omit comma hare-brained.
Not sure of your use of 'rennet' as to my understanding it's the contents of an unweaned calves stomach?
Really enjoyed the read John, enjoyed the comic relief sprinkle deftly throughout, well done my friend.
With our thoughts we create...
a flight plan.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 26-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Thank you, James!
I take your reviews to heart. Your suggestions are spot on and I will change and keep them in mind in future writings!
That?s a downright shame on the Emu population decline. Shameful. They look adorable and funny.
Hey, I appreciate your stopping by. You know I value your reviews my, brother.
Have a great remaining weekend.
Cheers,
John
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This is a truly wonderful response John.
You are a very humble man who has a kind heart. I'm not the greatest at edit, but when I can offer something, I will.
Yes, shameful is one of the words I would use, but afraid it's a few down the line to what I really think, or have said. They are such a goofy bird and don't have a good road sense, but in saying that, they are visible and just don't run out in front of cars... well, not unless spooked. Speed kills everything... and unconscious drivers speed. I really loved seeing this iconic bird walking across my front lawn... I miss that!
Hope your weekend is going well too my Brother.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A great fun story with humorous characters and a well constructed story. The information about the emu was helpful and provided another dimension to this prose, helping to bring it all to life. Good job and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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A great fun story with humorous characters and a well constructed story. The information about the emu was helpful and provided another dimension to this prose, helping to bring it all to life. Good job and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 26-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Debbie, thank you so much!
John
Comment from nomi338
I love reimagined stories so much. I am working on a bunch myself. Mostly I am retelling or reimagining classic fairytales, riddles and rhymes. I like giving them modern day themes and outcomes. I have read some to my eight year old great grandson and he loved them.
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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I love reimagined stories so much. I am working on a bunch myself. Mostly I am retelling or reimagining classic fairytales, riddles and rhymes. I like giving them modern day themes and outcomes. I have read some to my eight year old great grandson and he loved them.
Comment Written 26-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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Nomi,
Grandchild approval is a fantastic measure, and you got it!
I look forward to reading these writings.
Cheers,
John
Comment from estory
I like how you paraphrased the old Honeymooners characters to give so much personality to these emus. It caught me a bit by surprise. There's some nice comedy here true to the old colloquialisms that Ralph and Ed used to use on each other. I got a kick out of it. estory
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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I like how you paraphrased the old Honeymooners characters to give so much personality to these emus. It caught me a bit by surprise. There's some nice comedy here true to the old colloquialisms that Ralph and Ed used to use on each other. I got a kick out of it. estory
Comment Written 26-May-2023
reply by the author on 27-May-2023
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I?m glad this enabled you to recollect the Honeymooners. One of my favorite shows?
Cheers,
John
Comment from Goodadvicechan
Good conversations can tell a good story. You are good in achieving telling us what is happening through conversations,
I like the ending, thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 26-May-2023
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Good conversations can tell a good story. You are good in achieving telling us what is happening through conversations,
I like the ending, thanks for sharing
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 26-May-2023
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Thank you for taking the time to read and share.
John
Comment from Zoe Webb
I've only heard of the Honeymooners (and the 'to the moon, Alice!' line) but was able to still be entertained and follow along with this. A good read! I laughed.
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I've only heard of the Honeymooners (and the 'to the moon, Alice!' line) but was able to still be entertained and follow along with this. A good read! I laughed.
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Zoe. Thank you for stopping by to read my post and reward me with six stars? I am honored!
John
Comment from royowen
I think you did a marvellous job on this short story, and I think you did a great reproduction of the very recognisable dialogue, you have surpassed yourself, Jackie Gleason was Ralph, can't remember the others, only 39 episodes, not long enough, well done, it took ne back, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I think you did a marvellous job on this short story, and I think you did a great reproduction of the very recognisable dialogue, you have surpassed yourself, Jackie Gleason was Ralph, can't remember the others, only 39 episodes, not long enough, well done, it took ne back, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Audrey Meadows was his wife.
Art Carney and Joyce Randolph were the Norton ?s.
Thank you much, Roy. It was a great series, though short lived. I do watch the Honeymooner marathon on NY Eve?
John
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Well done John
