Untitled
An Emotional Guided Tour12 total reviews
Comment from estory
There's a tension, a desperate search for place and self in this poem, and the ambiguous contrasts in the imagery constantly seems to pull the rug out from underneath us as we read this. We are neither here nor there in this poem, reaching out to grasp shadows that don't exist, or finding ourselves in a world that has forgotten its soul. I loved this line: "I find myself under flat white sails/ under a sky that has forgotten the wind". You show some great imagination in the imagery, the contrasts are dramatic and the uncertainty they create seems to drop away underneath us time and time again while reading this. In lots of ways, this symbolizes the experience of life we have today. We are in a world and a society that has forgotten its soul, and in groping around trying to find our own souls, we grab onto nothing, we find ourselves at the end, a disappointing end. estory
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023
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There's a tension, a desperate search for place and self in this poem, and the ambiguous contrasts in the imagery constantly seems to pull the rug out from underneath us as we read this. We are neither here nor there in this poem, reaching out to grasp shadows that don't exist, or finding ourselves in a world that has forgotten its soul. I loved this line: "I find myself under flat white sails/ under a sky that has forgotten the wind". You show some great imagination in the imagery, the contrasts are dramatic and the uncertainty they create seems to drop away underneath us time and time again while reading this. In lots of ways, this symbolizes the experience of life we have today. We are in a world and a society that has forgotten its soul, and in groping around trying to find our own souls, we grab onto nothing, we find ourselves at the end, a disappointing end. estory
Comment Written 23-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much for such a thoughtful review. I woke up and wrote this poem in about 15 minutes in the middle of the night. I was going through some things. In hindsight, I believe it to be a letter to myself and confirmed how it would end if I didn't do the hard things I needed to do. I did them. And, I'm so thankful. You are an amazing listener to a muffled voice.
This evening, I find myself sitting in the sand watching the little crabs run about as the waves crash under a clear and moonless sky. There's a gentle breeze and the scent of salt in the air. The waves keep coming and swirl about at my feet just as they have for many ages, before retreating back to the deep. And, I'm at peace.
Thanks again.
Comment from Lance Levens
An honest attempt to grapple with deep issues. A few nits:
1. "Churned and scorched by the fiery fallacy of life." Fallacy is a term for an error in logical thinking. Doesn't seem to fit here.
2. "I find myself in the periphery,
Where only the brave and true surrender
When overtaken by the great iron horse
That bears down without the confines of rails."
I have an image here of folks trying to outrun a railroad train. Apparrently, the cowards can outrun the train, but the brave can't, so they surrender. And the speaker in the poem aligns him/herself with the brave who give in. All in all, this seems counterintuitive. Shouldn't the brave outrun the train and the cowards surrender?
3. find myself under flat, white sails,
Where the sky has forgotten the wind
And the albatross circles over head
Mocking the cursed cries of foregone fate.
I like "where the sky has forgotten the wind." a transferred epithet i.e. it should be vice versa. Echoes of Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner lend heft to the speaker's lamentations.
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An honest attempt to grapple with deep issues. A few nits:
1. "Churned and scorched by the fiery fallacy of life." Fallacy is a term for an error in logical thinking. Doesn't seem to fit here.
2. "I find myself in the periphery,
Where only the brave and true surrender
When overtaken by the great iron horse
That bears down without the confines of rails."
I have an image here of folks trying to outrun a railroad train. Apparrently, the cowards can outrun the train, but the brave can't, so they surrender. And the speaker in the poem aligns him/herself with the brave who give in. All in all, this seems counterintuitive. Shouldn't the brave outrun the train and the cowards surrender?
3. find myself under flat, white sails,
Where the sky has forgotten the wind
And the albatross circles over head
Mocking the cursed cries of foregone fate.
I like "where the sky has forgotten the wind." a transferred epithet i.e. it should be vice versa. Echoes of Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner lend heft to the speaker's lamentations.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2023
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like you are in a place where only despair and sorrow exist and there is a sad under tone to this poem. Our emotions can sometimes control us to the extent that our spirit becomes consumed, a poignant write, love Dolly x x x
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This sounds like you are in a place where only despair and sorrow exist and there is a sad under tone to this poem. Our emotions can sometimes control us to the extent that our spirit becomes consumed, a poignant write, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 22-Sep-2023
Comment from Emerie Mao
I really enjoyed your poem. I do belive that it will do well in the contest. Best of luck to you, I hope you have a great rest of your day! :D
- Emerie
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2023
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I really enjoyed your poem. I do belive that it will do well in the contest. Best of luck to you, I hope you have a great rest of your day! :D
- Emerie
Comment Written 31-May-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind review. You have a great day too!
Comment from Nicki Nance
This is lovely. It has a structure that holds it together. Beyond the format, you take the reader through a human experience. Your imagery is compelling. You chose the perfect graphic - also structured and free form.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2023
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This is lovely. It has a structure that holds it together. Beyond the format, you take the reader through a human experience. Your imagery is compelling. You chose the perfect graphic - also structured and free form.
Comment Written 31-May-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2023
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Thank you Nicki for taking the time to read and to understand. When one lays open the hallways of their mind, it's important that it be appreciated by those who choose to walk through. Thanks very much for your kind and thoughtful review
Comment from JT traveller
Excellent poem. Truly deserving of all six stars. Powerful, evocative wording. Finding oneself in so many different ways. I was moved. Thank you for sharing. Jacqueline
reply by the author on 31-May-2023
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Excellent poem. Truly deserving of all six stars. Powerful, evocative wording. Finding oneself in so many different ways. I was moved. Thank you for sharing. Jacqueline
Comment Written 27-May-2023
reply by the author on 31-May-2023
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Thanks for the great review! I'm so happy it made sense to a couple of people. it was one of those poems that just happened. Thanks again - I was hoping you'd see it!
Comment from WalkerMan
Current events around the world and the distortion imposed by corrupt "news" media certainly contribute to depression, even to the point of despair, of many among us who see the effect on their own lives. This poem, aptly titled "Untitled" and written in free verse, expresses the chaos, fear, and sadness of a person feeling without recourse, as no source of hope is mentioned.
The eight stanzas have a sequence from the explosive Big Bang reference in the first, consequent mental chaos in the second, fear of being crushed by an unstoppable force in the third, deluded by coping methods that fail amid life's challenges in the fourth, despair when "dreams become unrecognizable" and morning mood becomes mourning in the fifth, abandoned by the wind needed to continue sailing and mocked by the circling albatross over goals never achieved in the sixth, emptiness without all that once was normal and longing for even the worst of what had been familiar in the seventh, to the sense of helplessly fading away without recourse in the last.
Yes, strong faith could reverse such a mood; but that is not the purpose of this masterfully composed post.
Superb: effectively expressed, consistently developed true to its theme, appropriately written in free verse, aptly titled, and aptly illustrated.
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Current events around the world and the distortion imposed by corrupt "news" media certainly contribute to depression, even to the point of despair, of many among us who see the effect on their own lives. This poem, aptly titled "Untitled" and written in free verse, expresses the chaos, fear, and sadness of a person feeling without recourse, as no source of hope is mentioned.
The eight stanzas have a sequence from the explosive Big Bang reference in the first, consequent mental chaos in the second, fear of being crushed by an unstoppable force in the third, deluded by coping methods that fail amid life's challenges in the fourth, despair when "dreams become unrecognizable" and morning mood becomes mourning in the fifth, abandoned by the wind needed to continue sailing and mocked by the circling albatross over goals never achieved in the sixth, emptiness without all that once was normal and longing for even the worst of what had been familiar in the seventh, to the sense of helplessly fading away without recourse in the last.
Yes, strong faith could reverse such a mood; but that is not the purpose of this masterfully composed post.
Superb: effectively expressed, consistently developed true to its theme, appropriately written in free verse, aptly titled, and aptly illustrated.
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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I so appreciate you taking the time and effort to see the layers and meaning in this poem. It is so refreshing to be simply heard and understood. I thank you for that priceless gift.
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You are most welcome. Thank you for confirming that my interpretation of your post is correct in all aspects, including the title.
I do that so the author can be sure his or her intended message is evident to at least some sufficiently alert readers.
This post is a masterwork, regardless of the contest result. :)) -- Mike
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Thank you for posting your Author's Note that I had not seen until now. I appreciate the honor. :)) -- Mike
Comment from Bill Schott
This free verse, Untitled, lists the places where the speaker finds the negative aspects of life. Being haunted, in the darkness, on the outside looking in, while being stuck in or under something, as decline brings it all to a predictable conclusion.
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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This free verse, Untitled, lists the places where the speaker finds the negative aspects of life. Being haunted, in the darkness, on the outside looking in, while being stuck in or under something, as decline brings it all to a predictable conclusion.
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Yes, it is all of those things and to anyone who has ever experienced those feelings, it is also an offering of understanding. For those that haven't, it's a raw glimpse of what hides beneath a forced smile. Thanks for your kind review.
Comment from shelley kaye
i like how each stanza begins with i find myself and talks about something different in each stanza like travelling through life....
nice poem about how you find yourself in the beginning .... and in the end
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
shelley :)
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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i like how each stanza begins with i find myself and talks about something different in each stanza like travelling through life....
nice poem about how you find yourself in the beginning .... and in the end
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
shelley :)
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thanks, Shelley. There was much intent with this poem. I hope it meant something to those that read it. It meant a great deal to me to write it.
Comment from royowen
Well done. When one finds the struggle in life becomes wearisome, look up, not at.your feet, the mountain gives perspective, the feet walk on dirt and dust. a lovely post, I think we all feel like this sometimes. This is beautifully written, expressive and articulate, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Well done. When one finds the struggle in life becomes wearisome, look up, not at.your feet, the mountain gives perspective, the feet walk on dirt and dust. a lovely post, I think we all feel like this sometimes. This is beautifully written, expressive and articulate, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thanks, Roy. There was much intent with this poem. I hope it meant something to those that read it. It meant a great deal to me to write it.
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Well done
