Red Skeletons
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Monster in the Moonlight"Haunting Poetry for the Darkness in us all
7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This poem tell a great story. The characterization becomes clear, with little needing to be stated.
You've done well. There will be some who will smirk at the summing up. This is universal poem.
A+ material
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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This poem tell a great story. The characterization becomes clear, with little needing to be stated.
You've done well. There will be some who will smirk at the summing up. This is universal poem.
A+ material
Comment Written 29-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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Thank you so much. I had fun writing this one it took some time to find the right words to use so I could make it dark.
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You did it
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Wow, that's a powerful one. Full of passion and vengeful imagery enhanced by the stunning image. I enjoyed this, its development throughout the verse giving context and its murderous resolution. The fact that you achieved this in a loop poem is particularly skilful. Personally, I would have preferred the third line to have been more extensive including adjectives perhaps for delight - 'harbour my ?? delight' But this is very good and a worthy entry. Good luck in the contest! Take care, Debbie
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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Wow, that's a powerful one. Full of passion and vengeful imagery enhanced by the stunning image. I enjoyed this, its development throughout the verse giving context and its murderous resolution. The fact that you achieved this in a loop poem is particularly skilful. Personally, I would have preferred the third line to have been more extensive including adjectives perhaps for delight - 'harbour my ?? delight' But this is very good and a worthy entry. Good luck in the contest! Take care, Debbie
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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Thank you so much. It was very interesting making it murder related.
Comment from Frank Malley
This poem has the always interesting theme of betrayed love at its center, and it finds some interesting choices for words of comparison: counterpart, harbor, plastic, hoarder, and others. I think this poem suffers from the author's need to explain things that could be left to an imaginative reader's ability to organize and construe. Why not 'I longed to be your counterpart, the safe harbor for my delight' instead of the longer lines?
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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This poem has the always interesting theme of betrayed love at its center, and it finds some interesting choices for words of comparison: counterpart, harbor, plastic, hoarder, and others. I think this poem suffers from the author's need to explain things that could be left to an imaginative reader's ability to organize and construe. Why not 'I longed to be your counterpart, the safe harbor for my delight' instead of the longer lines?
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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The one choice for the longer lines was to account for and include the ending word from the last line since it was a loop poem. I will work in the future to be prevalent in showing instead of telling. Thank you for your review.
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I honestly don't know the loop form. FS writers are often more infatuated with using 'novel' forms than with writing better poems. I am not directing this to you, but I see it all the time in FS poetry.Giving a form a name - like haiku - doesn't mean the poetry couldn't have existed exactly the same without the name. The names nonetheless develop a lot of cachet.
Comment from Ricky1024
This poetry contest entry was well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
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My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry Mia.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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This poetry contest entry was well written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
My Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and good luck with your contest entry Mia.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 27-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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Thank you so much for the stars. I am so honred.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This sounds like the Shakespeare's story of Macbeth here! A fine, imaginative loop poem for the contest, I wish you luck, an entertaining poem, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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This sounds like the Shakespeare's story of Macbeth here! A fine, imaginative loop poem for the contest, I wish you luck, an entertaining poem, love Dolly x
Comment Written 26-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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Thank you
Comment from AshleyV
I love the picture you chose to showcase your poem. It's like you're reaching out trying to escape from being the monster. Your chooses of words were fantastic too. Comparing yourself to art being collected by a hoarder was beautiful.
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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I love the picture you chose to showcase your poem. It's like you're reaching out trying to escape from being the monster. Your chooses of words were fantastic too. Comparing yourself to art being collected by a hoarder was beautiful.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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Thank you so much for the stars I am so very honored. You saw it exactly they don't want to be the monster but the only way out is through the monster and they are asking for escape.
Comment from jessizero
You did an excellent job with the loop format. Your poem was melodic, though dark. It was also very powerful. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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You did an excellent job with the loop format. Your poem was melodic, though dark. It was also very powerful. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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Thank you
