Seasons of Change
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Seasons of the Mind - III"A collection of 30 poems in thirty days
13 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nicely done. Good work.
I don't remember the author, but your poem puts me in mind of a character placed in India. He remarks as to how he could worship anywhere, but he chooses to worship here. (on a hilltop facing the mountains)
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2023
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Very nicely done. Good work.
I don't remember the author, but your poem puts me in mind of a character placed in India. He remarks as to how he could worship anywhere, but he chooses to worship here. (on a hilltop facing the mountains)
Best wishes.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2023
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Wayne, thank you. What a great place to feel a Higher Presence.
Comment from Julie Lau
I enjoyed reading this atmospheric and well-written poem, which also scans well. Just one thing I would like to suggest; that you remove the comma in the last line. All the best for your future writing too,
Julie L
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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I enjoyed reading this atmospheric and well-written poem, which also scans well. Just one thing I would like to suggest; that you remove the comma in the last line. All the best for your future writing too,
Julie L
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Thank you, Julie L
Comment from Wendy G
Another beautiful one, reflective and appreciative of the peace and serenity of early morning in Nature, and with an awareness of God's presence. Very well written, very smooth rhyme and metre. Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Another beautiful one, reflective and appreciative of the peace and serenity of early morning in Nature, and with an awareness of God's presence. Very well written, very smooth rhyme and metre. Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Wendy, thank you!
Comment from Evelyn Hopkins
I love your writing!! and the story it creates It's very pretty and draws attention in to the audience. Good luck and I hope you have a good day!! :))
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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I love your writing!! and the story it creates It's very pretty and draws attention in to the audience. Good luck and I hope you have a good day!! :))
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Evelyn, thank you.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent poem for the NaPoWriMo challenge. I believe God speaks to us in nature. You expressed what His presence means to you.
Good use of the senses.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Excellent poem for the NaPoWriMo challenge. I believe God speaks to us in nature. You expressed what His presence means to you.
Good use of the senses.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Thank u Gypsy!
Comment from lyenochka
Love your sensitivity to nature's speaking of God's presence to you. This comes out in all your nature poems and I agree with you that we should never become numb to His Presence. I also liked how you invoked all the senses !
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Love your sensitivity to nature's speaking of God's presence to you. This comes out in all your nature poems and I agree with you that we should never become numb to His Presence. I also liked how you invoked all the senses !
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Thank you. 🙏
Comment from royowen
A deeply reflective poem, where the poet, looks upon his life and realises the depths of belief that he has engaged his life in grateful reverie. I love the musing and connection of his to his surrounds and God, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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A deeply reflective poem, where the poet, looks upon his life and realises the depths of belief that he has engaged his life in grateful reverie. I love the musing and connection of his to his surrounds and God, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Thank you 🙏
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Welcome
Comment from patcelaw
The words of your poem here took me a long mountain trail in the early morning. It was a blessing to read, and to hear it as it was being read to me. I do wish you the very best in all of your writing. God bless and have a good day. Patricia.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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The words of your poem here took me a long mountain trail in the early morning. It was a blessing to read, and to hear it as it was being read to me. I do wish you the very best in all of your writing. God bless and have a good day. Patricia.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Thank you!
Comment from Jim Wile
This is a very beautiful poem, JLR, with exquisite imagery and rhyming. You have so well described the sensory images of an early morning walk in the hills, the "hues of bloodstone and indigo aloft," the "musty smell rising in the air," that it's very easy to picture this scene and your reverence for it.
I will say, though, that an improvement in the meter of your poem will go a long way in making it more pleasant to read aloud. You've got basically an
iambic tetrameter meter (dit-DA, dit-DA, dit-DA, dit-DA), but it's not very closely followed. For example, the following could get your first stanza across and keep close to the meter:
As I trekked along the winding trail,
the final call of the nightingale
has caused my busy mind to still
and slowed my stride along the hill.
There are a couple of extra "grace notes" in this like the initial "As" and the "of the" before nightingale, but these can be said quickly without losing the rhythm of the dit-DA pattern.
If you are interested in improving your poetic meter, I would be glad to help with the rest of this poem and give you tips for the future. Not everyone is interested in meter. Just let me know. Jim
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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This is a very beautiful poem, JLR, with exquisite imagery and rhyming. You have so well described the sensory images of an early morning walk in the hills, the "hues of bloodstone and indigo aloft," the "musty smell rising in the air," that it's very easy to picture this scene and your reverence for it.
I will say, though, that an improvement in the meter of your poem will go a long way in making it more pleasant to read aloud. You've got basically an
iambic tetrameter meter (dit-DA, dit-DA, dit-DA, dit-DA), but it's not very closely followed. For example, the following could get your first stanza across and keep close to the meter:
As I trekked along the winding trail,
the final call of the nightingale
has caused my busy mind to still
and slowed my stride along the hill.
There are a couple of extra "grace notes" in this like the initial "As" and the "of the" before nightingale, but these can be said quickly without losing the rhythm of the dit-DA pattern.
If you are interested in improving your poetic meter, I would be glad to help with the rest of this poem and give you tips for the future. Not everyone is interested in meter. Just let me know. Jim
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Jim as you can tell I am miserable at meter so of course of a responding yes. I have taken three pantygent meter classes and am still abysmal.
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Great! What I've done with a few others is to give out my email address: jwile123@gmail.com. What I have to say will be much easier to do with email than through these small boxes here, so feel free to email me so that you don't have to post your email here, and we can get started. I'm in the process of writing an essay on Good Meter in Poetry, and I'll be sure to share that with you.
I should be able to help you fix up this poem, and give you a set of principles to follow for the future.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-A well written poem with effective imagery and rhyme.
-You create a vivid word picture of a spring morning with
"hues of bloodstone and indigo aloft."
-I also like the line about dew releasing nectar on the earth.
-A very good concluding line.
-You are doing a great job with the project.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-A well written poem with effective imagery and rhyme.
-You create a vivid word picture of a spring morning with
"hues of bloodstone and indigo aloft."
-I also like the line about dew releasing nectar on the earth.
-A very good concluding line.
-You are doing a great job with the project.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Thank you!🙏🙏
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You are welcome.
