DARK NIGHT AND DARK DAY
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Dark Night & Day, Chapter 8"Romance of a new Alaskan
9 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Marjorie may be interested in thinking about her job and doing her job, but her dreams give away what she really wants. She seems to think James will help her quit thinking about Roger.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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Marjorie may be interested in thinking about her job and doing her job, but her dreams give away what she really wants. She seems to think James will help her quit thinking about Roger.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
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Thanks for your comments and for taking time to read this chapter. Very nice of you.
Comment from MissMerri
Another excellent installment to your captivating story. I lowered the star count one notch only because I'm getting terribly picky about little things and couldn't help but notice a few things you could perhaps make better. First I just want to remind you how talented you are at bringing characters to life. I can see Marjorie so clearly, and now her brother James has entered the picture in much more vivid detail too. I begin to know these people as if they were my own family and that makes me, the reader, care deeply about what might happen next.
Here are my suggestions (in parenthesis)
***A beep from Marjorie's phone made her hurriedly pulled (pull) ...
***stay for (a or the) full year and give all my ...
***When the car was stopped at the apartment, they gave (exchanged) hugs and set (made) plans to get together the next weekend.
***As Marjorie turned over in bed that night, (there) came a dream of strong arms wrapped around her.
You may very well prefer YOUR way of expressing these thoughts, so remember, I am only making suggestions. You make the final decisions.
I am thoroughly enjoying the story. Keep going. ;p
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Another excellent installment to your captivating story. I lowered the star count one notch only because I'm getting terribly picky about little things and couldn't help but notice a few things you could perhaps make better. First I just want to remind you how talented you are at bringing characters to life. I can see Marjorie so clearly, and now her brother James has entered the picture in much more vivid detail too. I begin to know these people as if they were my own family and that makes me, the reader, care deeply about what might happen next.
Here are my suggestions (in parenthesis)
***A beep from Marjorie's phone made her hurriedly pulled (pull) ...
***stay for (a or the) full year and give all my ...
***When the car was stopped at the apartment, they gave (exchanged) hugs and set (made) plans to get together the next weekend.
***As Marjorie turned over in bed that night, (there) came a dream of strong arms wrapped around her.
You may very well prefer YOUR way of expressing these thoughts, so remember, I am only making suggestions. You make the final decisions.
I am thoroughly enjoying the story. Keep going. ;p
Comment Written 14-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Thank a million for reading this and especially for giving me a few spots to check. I appreciate you so much. Right now, I'm a little lost on how to progress the next chapter. Any ideas, MissM?
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a lovely read (I'm afraid I've come into the story a bit late) but it has a great feel to it with romance at its heart. Well expressed with nothing that I feel needs changing. And what a backdrop to the plot! Thanks for sharing. Take care, Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2023
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This is a lovely read (I'm afraid I've come into the story a bit late) but it has a great feel to it with romance at its heart. Well expressed with nothing that I feel needs changing. And what a backdrop to the plot! Thanks for sharing. Take care, Debbie
Comment Written 14-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2023
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Thanks so much for taking time to read this. I appreciate you comments.
Comment from irishauthorme
Good chapter! I like the way you brought out Marjorie's denial, a typical girl's reaction to an emotion they do not want to acknowledge.
It will be interesting to see brother James in the mix.
Good scene with the puppy licking Roger, brought them both to life, right there.
Good work,
irish
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2023
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Good chapter! I like the way you brought out Marjorie's denial, a typical girl's reaction to an emotion they do not want to acknowledge.
It will be interesting to see brother James in the mix.
Good scene with the puppy licking Roger, brought them both to life, right there.
Good work,
irish
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2023
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Love getting a review from you. You an encouraging. Thanks!
Comment from Shirley McLain
You did a great job with this chapter. I liked when that puppy gave that icky kiss. I'm interested to see how all of this is going to come together. Have a great evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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You did a great job with this chapter. I liked when that puppy gave that icky kiss. I'm interested to see how all of this is going to come together. Have a great evening. Shirley
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Glad you took time to read this and give me fun comments. Thanks, Shirley.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Don't you just love having brothers like that? I was the oldest of 4 siblings, two brothers and one sister. Brothers can be a joy or a nuisance. Lol. I enjoyed this chapter, my friend. I look forward to the next one. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Don't you just love having brothers like that? I was the oldest of 4 siblings, two brothers and one sister. Brothers can be a joy or a nuisance. Lol. I enjoyed this chapter, my friend. I look forward to the next one. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thanks so much for such an early response. Glad you read this one.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Unless what her brother discovers, is all great and she can't resist him. HMMM. Thank you for sharing. I really like this story.
"A text message from my brother James. (comma after 'brother')
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Unless what her brother discovers, is all great and she can't resist him. HMMM. Thank you for sharing. I really like this story.
"A text message from my brother James. (comma after 'brother')
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Thanks for commenting and for my usual miss on that comma.
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Commas are a downfall for me, too.
Comment from royowen
I love the way you get into your character's heads, which is a marvellous way of promoting sympathetic characters. The thoughts and intention, and even the attraction becomes wonderfully beckoning to the interest of the reader. Well dine, great post, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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I love the way you get into your character's heads, which is a marvellous way of promoting sympathetic characters. The thoughts and intention, and even the attraction becomes wonderfully beckoning to the interest of the reader. Well dine, great post, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Many thanks for reading this next chapter. Love your comments!
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Most welcome
Comment from lyenochka
I'm glad that those strong arms made an impression - at least in her subconscious! Now her brother will do the investigating and confirm that maybe Roger is the right one for her!
Roger's arms griped tightly around Marjorie (gripped)
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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I'm glad that those strong arms made an impression - at least in her subconscious! Now her brother will do the investigating and confirm that maybe Roger is the right one for her!
Roger's arms griped tightly around Marjorie (gripped)
Comment Written 05-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023
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Many thanks for your comments and for catching one of my usual spelling errors. Hugs, Helen!
