Ancient Art of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "River Wild"A compilation of poems
35 total reviews
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh my! Sounds like a terrifying day that started out so fun. So glad he was found save. Very well done poem, I hope you do well in the contest.
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Oh my! Sounds like a terrifying day that started out so fun. So glad he was found save. Very well done poem, I hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2023
Comment from Aussie
Good luck in the Share a Story in Poem contest. You never get over trauma like the story you told us. God was watching the boys that day, playing and splashing away. Menacing waters could have had their way. Well said, well written. I know about trauma, I was hit by a car and lost my leg. K xx
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Good luck in the Share a Story in Poem contest. You never get over trauma like the story you told us. God was watching the boys that day, playing and splashing away. Menacing waters could have had their way. Well said, well written. I know about trauma, I was hit by a car and lost my leg. K xx
Comment Written 04-Jul-2023
Comment from Heather lyn Tobias
That was amazing. I loved it. You have created a great memory for me. I was smiling until the boy was washed away and then he gratefully came back. Just a wonderful poem. I do not know what more to say.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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That was amazing. I loved it. You have created a great memory for me. I was smiling until the boy was washed away and then he gratefully came back. Just a wonderful poem. I do not know what more to say.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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I so appreciate your review. And I'm really glad that you enjoyed this, Paul. Thank you again for your kind comments and for your time gratefully appreciated!
Comment from jim vecchio
I am so relieved that son survived that ordeal! You had me scared! A very moving piece, and I am so glad you gave the credit to God. You painted a very vivid work!
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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I am so relieved that son survived that ordeal! You had me scared! A very moving piece, and I am so glad you gave the credit to God. You painted a very vivid work!
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Thank you again. This poem pulls it out of me for sure! Thank you for your time and for your kind review hope your evening is great.!
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Hope you have a wonderful day!
Comment from lancellot
Well, I think we have a winner here. I like how this is crafted, the tone, the rhyme and the gripping story, filled with adventure, childhood innocence, then random life-threatening disaster, and then, fate saves the day. Truely a miracle.
Great story in poetic form.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2023
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Well, I think we have a winner here. I like how this is crafted, the tone, the rhyme and the gripping story, filled with adventure, childhood innocence, then random life-threatening disaster, and then, fate saves the day. Truely a miracle.
Great story in poetic form.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2023
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Thank you again i'm truly humbled by your kind review! 😊😁🙃
Comment from Goodadvicechan
From the picture, one can tell it is dangerous fir kids to play around in the waterfall and forest area.
It could be fun for the two boys fishing there; laughing, spinning, fishing, and
jumping floating rock to rock.
But You started the poem saying one came home very
late. It is really joy and sadness tangled fate.
I am head that everyone turned out to be safe.
Thanks for Sharing
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023
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From the picture, one can tell it is dangerous fir kids to play around in the waterfall and forest area.
It could be fun for the two boys fishing there; laughing, spinning, fishing, and
jumping floating rock to rock.
But You started the poem saying one came home very
late. It is really joy and sadness tangled fate.
I am head that everyone turned out to be safe.
Thanks for Sharing
Comment Written 24-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2023
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Yes one son returned and said the other had fallen in and could not reach him so he came back.
Thank you so much I'm glad you found my poem interested no. Thank you for your kind review and your thoughtful and remarkable inside. I hope your evening is grand!
Comment from Paul Manton
Hello again Lea. My worry here is that I will spend half an hour reviewing this poem. I really could! The rhyming couplets in quatrain form seems easy to write, but works better with light-hearted subjects or comedy. I think something as serious as this needs to be free form and unrhymed so that nothing gets in the way of expressing these deepest of emotions (ie terror and love). There are definitely places in the poem when the form is a real hindrance to your expression: occasionally you have to contrive a rhyme and often you need to use reversals in the sentence, which sound unnatural. Watch out too for missing punctuation.eg in the line, "as often does time slips away.." there are two different meanings possible, unless you meant 'as often does, time slips away..' but you might have meant to say, 'as often does time slip away..' so I am confused by that. Do you ever write with a writing partner? It has to be someone you absolutely trust of course. These creations are our (other) children after all.
But even after all these comments, I gave you five stars because of the effectiveness of the poem - there really was terror and panic in it - and some very clever allusions and dramatic irony at the beginning. Again, this sounds like a true story, so I thank the Lord that your boys came home safely.
Best wishes, Paul
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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Hello again Lea. My worry here is that I will spend half an hour reviewing this poem. I really could! The rhyming couplets in quatrain form seems easy to write, but works better with light-hearted subjects or comedy. I think something as serious as this needs to be free form and unrhymed so that nothing gets in the way of expressing these deepest of emotions (ie terror and love). There are definitely places in the poem when the form is a real hindrance to your expression: occasionally you have to contrive a rhyme and often you need to use reversals in the sentence, which sound unnatural. Watch out too for missing punctuation.eg in the line, "as often does time slips away.." there are two different meanings possible, unless you meant 'as often does, time slips away..' but you might have meant to say, 'as often does time slip away..' so I am confused by that. Do you ever write with a writing partner? It has to be someone you absolutely trust of course. These creations are our (other) children after all.
But even after all these comments, I gave you five stars because of the effectiveness of the poem - there really was terror and panic in it - and some very clever allusions and dramatic irony at the beginning. Again, this sounds like a true story, so I thank the Lord that your boys came home safely.
Best wishes, Paul
Comment Written 17-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023
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To be honest i've never written anything in my life until three months ago. I just put something in as a joke just to see what would happen. I was not expecting that it would be any good. So all of this writing is quite new to me and natural and not anything that I've learned to do or been trained to do. Yes just words coming from head to pen on whatever subject or "inspiration" that comes to mind. Thank you very much for your insight and your kind instruction. It really does mean a lot to me it does make sense too. I think I'll tweak a couple lines so I don't sound like yoda lol. Thank you for Your review and your advice and your kind rating. I'm very much appreciating it and look forward to hearing from you again. I hope you're night is great!
Comment from JSD
Another brilliant work. Well done. Your use of rhyme is so easy and natural and the rhythm is quite sinister at times, reflecting the horror you nearly experience. A great entry for the contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Another brilliant work. Well done. Your use of rhyme is so easy and natural and the rhythm is quite sinister at times, reflecting the horror you nearly experience. A great entry for the contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind review and for your comments. I have to say wow people like this and I'm really glad. They do and that you do as well! Your insight and clarity is always special I appreciated by me I hope you have a great day!
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Pleasure. Have a look at my last couple of posts if you get a chance. Cheers. John x
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I'm just driving on the road right now when I get home. I'll be happy to look through your work and deliver my judgment thereof. Lol just kidding. I am driving though I'll check them out this evening have a great day!
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Thank you!
Comment from Lisasview
Your poem took my breath away... I could not stop reading each line fairly quickly to ind out what happened.. Your lines ran so smoothly so this was not difficult...
Amazing story...and so well written.................
Lisa, new to this site
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Your poem took my breath away... I could not stop reading each line fairly quickly to ind out what happened.. Your lines ran so smoothly so this was not difficult...
Amazing story...and so well written.................
Lisa, new to this site
Comment Written 16-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2023
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Thank you Lisa again I appreciate rear review and your time and your insight. I'm glad you liked it. It makes for good validation and the reason we're all here thank you!
Comment from MissMerri
Wow! Such a powerful poem you have written. I was breathless than tearful with relief. You have done a fantastic job of telling this story in well chosen words and melodic meter and rhyme. I wish I still had six stars to bestow. It is well worth it. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Wow! Such a powerful poem you have written. I was breathless than tearful with relief. You have done a fantastic job of telling this story in well chosen words and melodic meter and rhyme. I wish I still had six stars to bestow. It is well worth it. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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I'm really glad you like it. Thank you so much for your kind review. I appreciate it. Was good to write it to get it out there. It takes some of the power of the incident away. My boys are grown and successful men with their own families now for which I am thankful. Again thank you for your fantastic review and for your time and effort always appreciated have a great night!
