Comment from tempeste

Exceptional

Ciao ,

Snow is magic .. it makes even a war zone seem peaceful.

I love opening the blinds in the morning and finding the town covered in a snow white blanket. So quiet...

.. but when I go outside I too hear the compact snow crunch under my boots .. just like under those horse hooves.

I like the closing line and the fact you chose horses , my favourite animal, in this winter poem.

 Comment Written 06-May-2023

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reply by the author on 07-May-2023

Thanks for your review of this Winter poem. So glad we are in the midst of Spring now.

Mark

Comment from Father Flaps

Excellent

Hi Mark,
When I read your poem, and looked at the picture, I thought outside the box (so to speak) and saw an Indian winter camp. There is a whole village of tipis just a bit south of this picture. I feel sorry for those poor horses, though, outside in the cold like that.
I have to admit, I've never heard of a Hailu. Is this your own invention? It's like a backwards Haiku, a bit of reverse of the normal. There are two "Aha!" lines instead of one at the end. Better for Indian ponies breaking the silence than a bugle and rattling sabres. What a way to start the day! But that's what we did to those poor Indians... wiped them out.
I like the pairing of "crunch/crusted".
Nicely penned! I had visions of "Little Big Man" reviewing your Hailu.
Cheers,
Kimbob

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023

KimBob,

Yes, Hailu is my personal invention, which combines the typical 5-7-5 syllabled poem with the 3-5-3 word Lune format created by poet Jack Collom.

Pleased you liked my alliteration, which is often intentionally inserted in my poems.

The ?aha moment? is something I often have trouble with for my Haiku poems. Do like Little Big Man.

Methinks, horses can weather the cold weather better than humans.

Mark

Comment from LateBloomer

Excellent

Hello Mark, your poem is filled with vivid imagery. I can see it, and I can hear it. Also, good alliteration--crunch/crusted. Well chosen photo.
Well done. A pleasure to read. Keep the blue waters flowing.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023

Thanks for your reading of my poem. The attributes you cited were intentional. I edited the original to accomplish what you said I did in its final version.

Pleased you liked my overall presentation.

Mark

Comment from RodG

Excellent

I like your photo/poem combo, Mark. One immediately feels sorry for those horses being outside in such weather. Good focus on SOUND in this short poem with onomatopoeia and alliteration. Rod

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023

Rod,
Pleased you like my poetic touches in this poem. Methinks the horses don?t mind the cold weather as much as we do (-;

Mark

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

I like the reverse satori, Mark. I recognized it as such right away and had to reprogram my mind to absorb it first, then read the supportive lines. So well done and a truly lovely haiku!!

Melissa

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2023

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023

Melissa,

Yep it is a reverse satori! However, this is my personal poem format, Hailu not Haiku (-;

Mark

reply by Sugarray77 on 28-Mar-2023

Haha... I continue to look like an idiot when I review your writing... ugh.. sorry, Mark.

M

reply by the author on 28-Mar-2023

M

Maybe someday I will sponsor a Hailu FS contest to popularize my format (-;

M