Angels Unaware
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Friends and Brothers"A Memoir and Love Story
10 total reviews
Comment from Alaskastory
"Friends and Brothers" is set to fascinate readers. Tom's budding effort to the kiss is filled with great and inspiring detail of his feelings and action. This chapter is really a good one!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2023
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"Friends and Brothers" is set to fascinate readers. Tom's budding effort to the kiss is filled with great and inspiring detail of his feelings and action. This chapter is really a good one!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2023
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Thanks Marie for following through on all the chapters. You know how we writers can be where we fret over how one chapter may not be as dynamic as the next.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Aren't first dates wonderful? We didn't have enough sense to pour water out of a boot. I met my first date when I screamed, jumped and grabbed a stranger at a scary movie. I was mortified. I think I was 15. You did an excellent job, and I can't wait to read more. Shirley
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Aren't first dates wonderful? We didn't have enough sense to pour water out of a boot. I met my first date when I screamed, jumped and grabbed a stranger at a scary movie. I was mortified. I think I was 15. You did an excellent job, and I can't wait to read more. Shirley
Comment Written 15-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thanks Shirley. Appreciate your feedbacks very much
Comment from royowen
A similar thing happened to me, but I'm so glad that one particular girl dumped me, no once, but twice, although I did quite well with girls. The right one came along, fortunately for myself, my girls and my grandchildren, beautifully written Stan, blessings Roy
Typo : On (a) cold crisp winter day. 2: Like (a) hot spring geyser.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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A similar thing happened to me, but I'm so glad that one particular girl dumped me, no once, but twice, although I did quite well with girls. The right one came along, fortunately for myself, my girls and my grandchildren, beautifully written Stan, blessings Roy
Typo : On (a) cold crisp winter day. 2: Like (a) hot spring geyser.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thanks Roy!
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Most welcome
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for sharing your tender memories of that first encounter with girls. I think God protected you and kept you for the one He planned for you. Rhonda seemed too eager. And who gets a car for his birthday? I guess those two were meant for each other. But it's great that your first dating experiences occurred with people in church families and double-dating.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thanks for sharing your tender memories of that first encounter with girls. I think God protected you and kept you for the one He planned for you. Rhonda seemed too eager. And who gets a car for his birthday? I guess those two were meant for each other. But it's great that your first dating experiences occurred with people in church families and double-dating.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2023
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Thanks! blessings between the bookends!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This was well-written. There were great descriptive phrases like: Grey clouds and darkness threatened all remaining light. There were a few itsy-bitsy fixes, such as:
Up the road, likely bored as me came Mark McGill, son of a pastor.
Up the road, likely as bored as I was, came Mark McGill, son of a pastor.
He was a sophomore in High School, I was a freshman.
You can un-capitalize high school, because you did not name which one. I would also use a semi-colon instead of a comma because of having two independent clauses.
For the first time I prayed believing he would truly be my savior.
I think I would try it this way:
For the first time I prayed, believing He would truly be my Savior.
When I told him they respected parental authority he was okay with it.
Just add a comma after authority
Valentine's day
capitalize Day
We found candy shaped like hearts on them.
I think this is missing two words: We found candy shaped like hearts with messages on them.
Things were blur.
Just add the article a before blur.
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This was well-written. There were great descriptive phrases like: Grey clouds and darkness threatened all remaining light. There were a few itsy-bitsy fixes, such as:
Up the road, likely bored as me came Mark McGill, son of a pastor.
Up the road, likely as bored as I was, came Mark McGill, son of a pastor.
He was a sophomore in High School, I was a freshman.
You can un-capitalize high school, because you did not name which one. I would also use a semi-colon instead of a comma because of having two independent clauses.
For the first time I prayed believing he would truly be my savior.
I think I would try it this way:
For the first time I prayed, believing He would truly be my Savior.
When I told him they respected parental authority he was okay with it.
Just add a comma after authority
Valentine's day
capitalize Day
We found candy shaped like hearts on them.
I think this is missing two words: We found candy shaped like hearts with messages on them.
Things were blur.
Just add the article a before blur.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
Comment from JT traveller
Fantastic, descriptive writing. The introduction to Tommy was a helpful prequel to the read.
"...on a broken road beneath a billion stairs."
This is definitely my favourite line. It conjures up a vivid image and also plays as a metaphor for perhaps the burdens of the eleven year Olds own life to date.
Well written. A joy to read.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Fantastic, descriptive writing. The introduction to Tommy was a helpful prequel to the read.
"...on a broken road beneath a billion stairs."
This is definitely my favourite line. It conjures up a vivid image and also plays as a metaphor for perhaps the burdens of the eleven year Olds own life to date.
Well written. A joy to read.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Thanks! Appreciate you telling me a line or sentence that jumped out in good way.
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My pleasure. Just speaking my mind. J
Comment from BethShelby
Most girls when I grew up were not as bold as Rhonda. I was every bit as scared and uncomfortable around boys as you were around girl. I think it come from being isolated. I was an only child and you didn't seem to speind a lot of time with your bother so we didn't how to socialize with the opposite sex. God likely impressed the boy to invite you to his church. I guess the preacher words reached you hears. Chruch is usually where most people feel the calling of God.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Most girls when I grew up were not as bold as Rhonda. I was every bit as scared and uncomfortable around boys as you were around girl. I think it come from being isolated. I was an only child and you didn't seem to speind a lot of time with your bother so we didn't how to socialize with the opposite sex. God likely impressed the boy to invite you to his church. I guess the preacher words reached you hears. Chruch is usually where most people feel the calling of God.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Thanks Beth!
Comment from BethShelby
Most girls when I grew up were not as bold as Rhonda. I was every bit as scared and uncomfortable around boys as you were around girl. I think it come from being isolated. I was an only child and you didn't seem to speind a lot of time with your bother so we didn't how to socialize with the opposite sex. God likely impressed the boy to invite you to his church. I guess the preacher words reached you hears. Chruch is usually where most people feel the calling of God.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Most girls when I grew up were not as bold as Rhonda. I was every bit as scared and uncomfortable around boys as you were around girl. I think it come from being isolated. I was an only child and you didn't seem to speind a lot of time with your bother so we didn't how to socialize with the opposite sex. God likely impressed the boy to invite you to his church. I guess the preacher words reached you hears. Chruch is usually where most people feel the calling of God.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2023
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Thanks also for this Beth. Appreciate you staying with the story.
Comment from Ben Colder
Lover boy, Tom. LOL. How does the song go? And her hair hung down in ringlets. You brought a few memories in my direction. Thanks for sharing your post.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Lover boy, Tom. LOL. How does the song go? And her hair hung down in ringlets. You brought a few memories in my direction. Thanks for sharing your post.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Thanks brother ben.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
This is a gorgeous piece of work lovely and thoughtful and inspiring and that makes me smile. The pains of a shy young man painfully obvious. This is very well written I was taken along in the story from beginning to end. Which is a sign of a good writer think this is well done? It has good punctuation no spelling or sentence structure issues or anything grammatically speaking. This is a really great submission I wish you all the best have a great day!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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This is a gorgeous piece of work lovely and thoughtful and inspiring and that makes me smile. The pains of a shy young man painfully obvious. This is very well written I was taken along in the story from beginning to end. Which is a sign of a good writer think this is well done? It has good punctuation no spelling or sentence structure issues or anything grammatically speaking. This is a really great submission I wish you all the best have a great day!
Comment Written 14-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2023
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Thanks! Really appreciate time you took to dive into this.
