His Wounded Heart
He finds joy at last.27 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
I liked the social content of this poem greatly but I think it demonstrates how a set of rules can benefit a poem, especially when the poem starts observing rules strictly and then chucks them out.
This begins with alternating lines similar in many ways to ballad metre. After the second stanza, in obedience to the no rules requirement, it begins to crumble with a longer last line to the quatrain than previously, then moving from quatrains to tercets and, in the final stanza a couplet.
If it were mine I would rewrite it in the style of the first two stanzas, for your own benefit or entirely in free verse. It wouldn't be eligible for the contest but it would be a better poem.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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I liked the social content of this poem greatly but I think it demonstrates how a set of rules can benefit a poem, especially when the poem starts observing rules strictly and then chucks them out.
This begins with alternating lines similar in many ways to ballad metre. After the second stanza, in obedience to the no rules requirement, it begins to crumble with a longer last line to the quatrain than previously, then moving from quatrains to tercets and, in the final stanza a couplet.
If it were mine I would rewrite it in the style of the first two stanzas, for your own benefit or entirely in free verse. It wouldn't be eligible for the contest but it would be a better poem.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is such a poignant poem about a man who succumbed to the bottle to drown his sorrows and lost everything in life. A well metered and rhymed poem with such an easy flow Yvonne and your sentiments, although sad, are real and honest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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This is such a poignant poem about a man who succumbed to the bottle to drown his sorrows and lost everything in life. A well metered and rhymed poem with such an easy flow Yvonne and your sentiments, although sad, are real and honest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Wendy G
I had to wait till I got another bucket of stars. This is very beautiful, very moving and most challenging. The theme is important. We are in no position to judge another as we never know their full story. Wishing you great success in the upcoming contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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I had to wait till I got another bucket of stars. This is very beautiful, very moving and most challenging. The theme is important. We are in no position to judge another as we never know their full story. Wishing you great success in the upcoming contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 05-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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You're so right! We never know a person's story, and it's uncharitable to make judgments. Thank you so much for the compliments and stars.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a sad story of a homeless man looking for shelter, hoping for a feed. Well told Yvonne with a poignant ending as he takes his final breath and memories slip through. Lovely. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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This is a sad story of a homeless man looking for shelter, hoping for a feed. Well told Yvonne with a poignant ending as he takes his final breath and memories slip through. Lovely. Good luck in the contest.
Cheers
Valda
Comment Written 05-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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At least, he found peace. We never know what caused a person to end like that. It's uncharitable to make judgments as so many do. Thanks for a great review, Valda.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, my friend, if this isn't the winner, I might quit this site!!!!!!***********************************************************************************************************************************************
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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Oh, my friend, if this isn't the winner, I might quit this site!!!!!!***********************************************************************************************************************************************
Comment Written 04-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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Bless your heart! I appreciate your support and encouragement. I hope all is well with Cleo and you.
Comment from lyenochka
You created such a moving portrait in this poem, Yvonne! I especially liked the way you showed the interaction with those who passed him by. ("faces showing undisguised disgust,") Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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You created such a moving portrait in this poem, Yvonne! I especially liked the way you showed the interaction with those who passed him by. ("faces showing undisguised disgust,") Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your support as always.
Comment from GWHARGIS
This was very stark and sad. Makes you wonder if it was just bad luck or bad choices thar led him to this point. I like how the downward direction was pivotal. The rain was coming down. He pulled his hat down. Then walking down to the poor side of town. Really good imagery and emotion. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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This was very stark and sad. Makes you wonder if it was just bad luck or bad choices thar led him to this point. I like how the downward direction was pivotal. The rain was coming down. He pulled his hat down. Then walking down to the poor side of town. Really good imagery and emotion. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 04-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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Thank you. We never know what brings a person to this state, but it's uncharitable to make judgements as so many do.
Comment from Janet Foor
A heart wrenching poem of despair. A sad commentary on the world around us that we can't help our fellowman. We have many homeless people where we live and one always ponders what went wrong. How did they get here? Where is their family? The questions go on and on.
You have taken us on an uncomfortable journey but thankfully he finds himself in a better place in the end.
Excellent artwork and presentation. Nicely rhymed, vivid imagery and lovely alliteration. Sorry I am out of sixes.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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A heart wrenching poem of despair. A sad commentary on the world around us that we can't help our fellowman. We have many homeless people where we live and one always ponders what went wrong. How did they get here? Where is their family? The questions go on and on.
You have taken us on an uncomfortable journey but thankfully he finds himself in a better place in the end.
Excellent artwork and presentation. Nicely rhymed, vivid imagery and lovely alliteration. Sorry I am out of sixes.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 04-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much for this review. I see you understand we never know what brings a person to this state, but it's uncharitable to make judgements as so many do.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Sometimes, those happy, carefree, times can help us get through about anything. Makes us think what we would do it it weren't for all those happy times. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six for this one.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2023
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Sometimes, those happy, carefree, times can help us get through about anything. Makes us think what we would do it it weren't for all those happy times. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six for this one.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2023
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Thank you. It's enough that you like it.
Comment from Ben Colder
Wow! You made this song a sad one. I can see much of this much like this old boy but more blessed than he. I get lonely missing the wife, but with the peace of Christ, I make it. Good entry.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2023
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Wow! You made this song a sad one. I can see much of this much like this old boy but more blessed than he. I get lonely missing the wife, but with the peace of Christ, I make it. Good entry.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2023
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I understand. I miss my son so much!
