Ancient Art of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Drift"A compilation of poems
15 total reviews
Comment from Eternal Muse
This is a great poem on its own merit, but a least to me, it's not a haiku.
Haiku is usually about nature, with two connecting lines of concrete imagery in the first two lines, and a Satori (moment of insight) in the last line.
Your poem is truly beautiful and very deep with amazing imagery, but you entered it for a haiku contest.
I am not dropping a rating for this, just wanted to give you my feedback.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2023
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This is a great poem on its own merit, but a least to me, it's not a haiku.
Haiku is usually about nature, with two connecting lines of concrete imagery in the first two lines, and a Satori (moment of insight) in the last line.
Your poem is truly beautiful and very deep with amazing imagery, but you entered it for a haiku contest.
I am not dropping a rating for this, just wanted to give you my feedback.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much one other person mentioned that to me and I did read that. Is certainly the case yes they didn't say one way or the other? I think it's worth questioning though and I thank you very much for pointing this out to me. I may have to do a rewrite thank you again. I appreciate your comments and for your review. I hope you have a wonderful evening thanks again.!
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Thank you so much again for your kind suggestions. I've gone ahead and made changes. Wonder if it might? Have. A peak and not for your thoughts? Thank you so much for your help and for pointing out what may be a together. Thanks again!
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Well, this is better. You now have a classic haiku, the one with elements of a human nature.
Good luck in the contest.
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Ty for your help!
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I saw a typo in my original review - I meant that a haiku usually has two connecting lines of "concrete imagery" and I had "complete imagery". I fixed it.
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Look up Gypsy Blue Rose portfolio - she is a great expert on Haiku and runs a haiku club on FanStory.
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Yes I will do that thank you yes I've heard that she does the club for haiku. It's great thank you
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Np thx!
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Lea,
firstly, I seem to have a connection in the way in which you write, as I know will other writers on site and of course, elsewhere.
You provoke thought and pause... Haiku has taken a more modern form which for me isn't a bad thing... and your Haiku a perfect example.
I know I seem to use the word ambiguity in some of your reviews, but you leave the doorway open for multiple interpretations... and my mind drifts between so many scenarios where these words take you. I know you left your feeling and explanation in your notes, but still?
Break-ups... loss... losing one's identity... hell, even something that takes one into mental illness... and probably mix all of these together and it come back to your notes?
No matter it provides the pause of thought, and I love that for such a limited format... and hey((((((, all in clever construction of a mono rhyme, which again I don't usually see in among the more traditional style of this form.
Beautifully composed... and all the very best wishes in this contest Lea!
With our thoughts we create...
the strength of focus.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Hi Lea,
firstly, I seem to have a connection in the way in which you write, as I know will other writers on site and of course, elsewhere.
You provoke thought and pause... Haiku has taken a more modern form which for me isn't a bad thing... and your Haiku a perfect example.
I know I seem to use the word ambiguity in some of your reviews, but you leave the doorway open for multiple interpretations... and my mind drifts between so many scenarios where these words take you. I know you left your feeling and explanation in your notes, but still?
Break-ups... loss... losing one's identity... hell, even something that takes one into mental illness... and probably mix all of these together and it come back to your notes?
No matter it provides the pause of thought, and I love that for such a limited format... and hey((((((, all in clever construction of a mono rhyme, which again I don't usually see in among the more traditional style of this form.
Beautifully composed... and all the very best wishes in this contest Lea!
With our thoughts we create...
the strength of focus.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you James for your thorough and kind review I very much appreciated. I mean something to me I take them all very seriously and I look at what yourself and others say to it again. Thank you so much. For your time and for your insight And your thoughts always appreciated hope you have a great evening!
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My pleasure Lea... your evening is my morning... so a pleasant evening to you dear lady!
Comment from shelley kaye
this was a good haiku with intriguing and thought-provoking word choices and a very cool picture to accompany
a few suggestions...
1- the dots are a bit much, maybe just a comma
2-second line- lowercase o
3-third line- lowercase h
4- maybe put a dash ~ qt the end of the second line for a pause before the satori
in haiku you want to use as few uppercase letters (proper nouns) as possible and as little punctuation as possible
one more suggestion- maybe try a dark blue background and a white font to blend in with the picture
if you want to know more about haiku, go to the "thehaikufoundation.org" site
nice haiku- just needs some touch ups
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
shelley :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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this was a good haiku with intriguing and thought-provoking word choices and a very cool picture to accompany
a few suggestions...
1- the dots are a bit much, maybe just a comma
2-second line- lowercase o
3-third line- lowercase h
4- maybe put a dash ~ qt the end of the second line for a pause before the satori
in haiku you want to use as few uppercase letters (proper nouns) as possible and as little punctuation as possible
one more suggestion- maybe try a dark blue background and a white font to blend in with the picture
if you want to know more about haiku, go to the "thehaikufoundation.org" site
nice haiku- just needs some touch ups
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
shelley :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Thank you for all your great information and I took all your suggestions too hard and made help. I am an amateur of writers in many ways any constructive. Criticism? Like you have just given me is very helpful. And very much appreciated so thank you for your review for your kind word and for your helpful instruction hope you have a great night!
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you're welcome :)
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
This haiku is a reminder that nothing in this world lasts forever. It doesn't pay to put too much emphasis on worldly goods, as they can disappear in an instant. I suppose the same could be said about a relationship, but as people, we have to take a chance that things will work out well. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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Hello Lea,
This haiku is a reminder that nothing in this world lasts forever. It doesn't pay to put too much emphasis on worldly goods, as they can disappear in an instant. I suppose the same could be said about a relationship, but as people, we have to take a chance that things will work out well. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 24-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2023
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I appreciate your comments and your insight especially. I thank you also for your time and for your review always grateful to hear from everyone. Thank you again and I hope you have a great evening!
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
This is a stunning piece my friend. Although it's more of a senryu, which is about human nature.
Haiku would be about seasonal nature.
It's lovely regardless.
-Kerry
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2023
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This is a stunning piece my friend. Although it's more of a senryu, which is about human nature.
Haiku would be about seasonal nature.
It's lovely regardless.
-Kerry
Comment Written 23-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much i'm glad you liked it and I appreciate your time on your review It is more about seasonal isn't it? Wonder if I shouldn't change a word. I'll just have to look at it to see but a great tip and I hope you have a really great day!
Comment from Cherish Adams
You're right Lea. All could be lost, gone in an instant. There are no guarantees. You're Haiku is beautiful. Thought provoking. I'll have to think on it...seems like there is something else here. Well done and good luck in the contest. Thank you for writing. Cherish
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2023
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You're right Lea. All could be lost, gone in an instant. There are no guarantees. You're Haiku is beautiful. Thought provoking. I'll have to think on it...seems like there is something else here. Well done and good luck in the contest. Thank you for writing. Cherish
Comment Written 23-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2023
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Thank you for your thoughtful review. I appreciate it very much also thankful for your time and for your insigit's really great and I thank you so much again. I hope your day is awesome!
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Wow, this is like a window into one's soul. You share the unraveling of something once held precious - a relationship, a home, a career? It could be anything, but the pain is deep. Beautifully expressed in this Haiku. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Wow, this is like a window into one's soul. You share the unraveling of something once held precious - a relationship, a home, a career? It could be anything, but the pain is deep. Beautifully expressed in this Haiku. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Thank you genda again for your fine review for your comments. Yes it be can be taken that way it is a reminder As it can easily unravel one small pull. For your time and for your comments Are precious and I thank you for that too!
Comment from Eleri
The rhyming in this poem is just great. I also love the imagery - pulling a thread and the hem always drifts. A great idea for a Haiku. Good luck in the competition
Eleri
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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The rhyming in this poem is just great. I also love the imagery - pulling a thread and the hem always drifts. A great idea for a Haiku. Good luck in the competition
Eleri
Comment Written 22-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Thank you again Eleri (nice name). I'm glad you liked it. For your comments and for your time and for your review I am grateful I wish you the best of days!
Comment from Ricky1024
"The Drift" is a Haiku contest Entry rich in Theme and Imagery design.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Good luck with your contest Entry.
Doctor Ricky1024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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"The Drift" is a Haiku contest Entry rich in Theme and Imagery design.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Good luck with your contest Entry.
Doctor Ricky1024
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your awesome review I'm totally appreciating. To hear from you I hope you are doing well. Thank you again for your time and attention hope it's a good evening for you!
Comment from Bill Schott
This haiku, The Drift, has the proper formatting and views death as a shift to a new plane, no more planned or expected than any other occurrence that one experiences.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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This haiku, The Drift, has the proper formatting and views death as a shift to a new plane, no more planned or expected than any other occurrence that one experiences.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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She did thank you for your perspective. It shows great insight as well. I also appreciate your time and effort I don't hope that your evening is a great one. Thank you again!
