A Childhood Scare
Four stanzas-abcb55 total reviews
Comment from Frank Malley
A Childhood Scare" is a poem that seeks to remember the fright that visits childhood's heart when natural disasters occur. This poem has been recognized on FS, so I'm reluctant to make any suggestions, but I will. I think line four should read 'The creek suffered from overload.' This requires the re-using of 'creek' in the next stanza, but it is after all the creek that is overloaded, not the home. In stanza two, flow is improved if it's written The other side of the creek/ Is where we parked our old, old car. The next line should read 'up on,' rather than the one word "upon." Lines 11 and 12 have a logical problem: the sense is that the "one scared kid" is what caused the sigh of relief for "all," when it is the flood's abatement that caused the general sigh of relief. A small final note: 'down' is misspelled in the last line. I rate this poem a five because of its topic and its honesty.
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A Childhood Scare" is a poem that seeks to remember the fright that visits childhood's heart when natural disasters occur. This poem has been recognized on FS, so I'm reluctant to make any suggestions, but I will. I think line four should read 'The creek suffered from overload.' This requires the re-using of 'creek' in the next stanza, but it is after all the creek that is overloaded, not the home. In stanza two, flow is improved if it's written The other side of the creek/ Is where we parked our old, old car. The next line should read 'up on,' rather than the one word "upon." Lines 11 and 12 have a logical problem: the sense is that the "one scared kid" is what caused the sigh of relief for "all," when it is the flood's abatement that caused the general sigh of relief. A small final note: 'down' is misspelled in the last line. I rate this poem a five because of its topic and its honesty.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2023
Comment from GWHARGIS
We used to have a small cottage on a small peninsula of land when I was young. A hurricane hit one night and several trees fell, blocking our only exit off. Quite scary. Your poem was realistic and still held the fear of a young child in its presentation. One spag. Left me dowm. Should be down. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your biographical poem. Gretchen
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We used to have a small cottage on a small peninsula of land when I was young. A hurricane hit one night and several trees fell, blocking our only exit off. Quite scary. Your poem was realistic and still held the fear of a young child in its presentation. One spag. Left me dowm. Should be down. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your biographical poem. Gretchen
Comment Written 23-Feb-2023
Comment from JT traveller
A sentimental, heartfelt poem that expresses deep feelings conjured from childhood memories.
One small typo, "dowm" is your final written word. Easily corrected.
A most pleasant read.
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A sentimental, heartfelt poem that expresses deep feelings conjured from childhood memories.
One small typo, "dowm" is your final written word. Easily corrected.
A most pleasant read.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2023
Comment from Gloria ....
I can imagine that must have been a very scary occurrence. Of course we never think of these possibilities until they actually happen and a pleasant meandering stream becomes a wide, rushing river.
Well done, Jay and I'm glad you were able to move closer to town.
Thank you always for sharing.
Gloria
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I can imagine that must have been a very scary occurrence. Of course we never think of these possibilities until they actually happen and a pleasant meandering stream becomes a wide, rushing river.
Well done, Jay and I'm glad you were able to move closer to town.
Thank you always for sharing.
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
Comment from Wendy G
These memories where danger and fear are very present, are never forgotten. The reader understands the inner conflict in your last two lines. You were all calmer and at peace, with the safety you then enjoyed - but it is still hard to leave one's home and memories.
Wendy
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These memories where danger and fear are very present, are never forgotten. The reader understands the inner conflict in your last two lines. You were all calmer and at peace, with the safety you then enjoyed - but it is still hard to leave one's home and memories.
Wendy
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
Comment from Mary Vigasin
The memories that stand out when one is so young are those that frighten us the most. Great telling of the time when you were "really one scared kid."
Nicely written poem.
Take care,
Best wishes,
Mary
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The memories that stand out when one is so young are those that frighten us the most. Great telling of the time when you were "really one scared kid."
Nicely written poem.
Take care,
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
It sounds like you described a disaster in your poem, lost a home, too, because of the flood. What a tragedy. But no one got hurt so that's a good thing. God was watching over you.
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It sounds like you described a disaster in your poem, lost a home, too, because of the flood. What a tragedy. But no one got hurt so that's a good thing. God was watching over you.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your story about this incident was well told. I enjoyed reading it,
though it was scary to think of what could've happened. Your rhymes
worked well, there was smooth flow with great details, and a sad,but
truthful ending. I believe your dad did the best for the family by moving.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
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Your story about this incident was well told. I enjoyed reading it,
though it was scary to think of what could've happened. Your rhymes
worked well, there was smooth flow with great details, and a sad,but
truthful ending. I believe your dad did the best for the family by moving.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Jay, I understand the childhood fears that you had--easily understandable. My dad had a river behind his house. He had a baby brother who drowned in it. Water can be scary.
Your poem reads and flows well, and its message is clear. Of special note:
On the other side of the creek,
was where we parked our old, old car.
The water rose upon our porch
and none of us could swim that far.
(That was a very scary situation. Also, I'm assuming the family car was ruined.)
Well done; well said. I'm glad the family moved to a safer location.
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
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Hi Jay, I understand the childhood fears that you had--easily understandable. My dad had a river behind his house. He had a baby brother who drowned in it. Water can be scary.
Your poem reads and flows well, and its message is clear. Of special note:
On the other side of the creek,
was where we parked our old, old car.
The water rose upon our porch
and none of us could swim that far.
(That was a very scary situation. Also, I'm assuming the family car was ruined.)
Well done; well said. I'm glad the family moved to a safer location.
Keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
Comment from nomi338
Yes, but at least you did not drown. Getting to live to see another day is a much bigger prize than dying in a favored house. There is no gift greater than life. Keep your diamonds and pearls, I choose life every time.
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Yes, but at least you did not drown. Getting to live to see another day is a much bigger prize than dying in a favored house. There is no gift greater than life. Keep your diamonds and pearls, I choose life every time.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2023
