The Farewell
Viewing comments for Prologue "A Final Farewell"Last conversations with dad
16 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This has an excellent setting description. I'm wondering if you've had other experiences with playwrights or with the setting up the plays. This would never have worked in our family and I'm just curious if everyone here would go along with it also: "SINCE WE`RE ALL HERE AND DAD SEEMS TO HAVE THE ENERGY,
WOULD IT MAKE SENSE FOR EACH OF US TO HAVE
A PRIVATE MOMENT WITH DAD, A CONVERSATION?" some readers may find this painful to read It's good you've played it out so they can see what happens with all the rest of the family.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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This has an excellent setting description. I'm wondering if you've had other experiences with playwrights or with the setting up the plays. This would never have worked in our family and I'm just curious if everyone here would go along with it also: "SINCE WE`RE ALL HERE AND DAD SEEMS TO HAVE THE ENERGY,
WOULD IT MAKE SENSE FOR EACH OF US TO HAVE
A PRIVATE MOMENT WITH DAD, A CONVERSATION?" some readers may find this painful to read It's good you've played it out so they can see what happens with all the rest of the family.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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I shared this with my family. They all embraced it. Thank you very much for reading and providing your comments. No, I have not had experiences with other playwrights.
Would the 'pain' come from the script or the fact of having that conversation. Is the dialogue cumbersome?
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Kaiku
I think you've written a great script, explained the setting very well, and introduced many characters with Peggy and Nancy taking the main roles. But it's sad, probably the saddest time in the life of a family... saying goodbye to a loved one. It's something you don't really want to be reminded of. I prefer humor over pain. And losing someone is painful.
But the screenplay is easy to follow and well written. I wish you Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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Hi Kaiku
I think you've written a great script, explained the setting very well, and introduced many characters with Peggy and Nancy taking the main roles. But it's sad, probably the saddest time in the life of a family... saying goodbye to a loved one. It's something you don't really want to be reminded of. I prefer humor over pain. And losing someone is painful.
But the screenplay is easy to follow and well written. I wish you Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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It was an interesting project. I have only shared it with a couple siblings as I am somewhat careful so as not to kick up the dandruff. Thanks for reading. You are busy.
Comment from tempeste
Ciao!
55 years is such a long time .. it's a lifetime.
I read that lots of elderly couples when one dies the other follows soon. And I can understand that.
Your mother had the family 's support but I can't imagine how heart breaking it must have been to see the man she loved get weaker and know that he was at the end.
This is definitely the episode that tugged most at the heart of the Farewell project.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Ciao!
55 years is such a long time .. it's a lifetime.
I read that lots of elderly couples when one dies the other follows soon. And I can understand that.
Your mother had the family 's support but I can't imagine how heart breaking it must have been to see the man she loved get weaker and know that he was at the end.
This is definitely the episode that tugged most at the heart of the Farewell project.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Thanks so much again.
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"smiles"
Your entry " No Laughing Matter" has three votes now!
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you are funny. Thanks. I have one more piece to do today and I will have finished my `added segments` to The Farewell Series. I will then pack for Croatia. I release my last Doors of Albufeira tomorrow. It`s called the Door of Closure. I actually sent it to my ex-wife today. I hate saying ex-wife.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is the start of a good screenplay. The text is a good size, but I wish the dialogue was not in all capital letters. Capital letters are typically used to show loudness, shouting or raised emotions. Your all caps clash with the stage directions of soft tones and calmness. Secondly, the screenplay basically stays where it began. I realize it is based on a true event. Perhaps embellish the event to show more than flat emotions from all of the characters.
The visual fits well. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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This is the start of a good screenplay. The text is a good size, but I wish the dialogue was not in all capital letters. Capital letters are typically used to show loudness, shouting or raised emotions. Your all caps clash with the stage directions of soft tones and calmness. Secondly, the screenplay basically stays where it began. I realize it is based on a true event. Perhaps embellish the event to show more than flat emotions from all of the characters.
The visual fits well. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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CAPS is my style. It helps to separate from all the emotional direction. The 4 rating does wipe out my 6 rating. But thanks for your time to review.
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I had no way of knowing that, but it does clash with stage directions which states the character is calm.
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That?s fine. Again, that?s your interpretation of CAPS. It will continue to be my style. You are the first to mention that and my 6 came from an awarded script writer. I just believe it is being overly critical. No big deal.
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Whether they mention it or not all caps in a screenplay sends a mixed message to the readers and the actors. In poetry, I do not see it as a problem because ee cummings wrote mainly in all lowercase letters. FS isn't the real world. In the real world we must all be flexible and change course whenever a situation changes.
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of course. No problem. I appreciate the time you took to read my work It`s appreciated.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your script was interesting to read, though poignant, Kaiku. You did a great job with the details. I liked how
the family discussed what the next step would be, and
how Peggy took the lead. I liked how you stated the
conversations were private. If this is real, then I would categorize it a family non-fiction.
Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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Your script was interesting to read, though poignant, Kaiku. You did a great job with the details. I liked how
the family discussed what the next step would be, and
how Peggy took the lead. I liked how you stated the
conversations were private. If this is real, then I would categorize it a family non-fiction.
Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 24-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2023
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I think the script description aligns the text a bit differently. It was recommended to list as a script. The story is both fiction and non- fiction. Thank you reading and providing a thoughtful review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It's a hard thing to do, but the right thing. Going to have a conversation with your father when you know he hasn't much time left would be something I'd like my family to do with me. Have a private chat. This is an excellent script for the contest, and I wish you the best of luck. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2023
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It's a hard thing to do, but the right thing. Going to have a conversation with your father when you know he hasn't much time left would be something I'd like my family to do with me. Have a private chat. This is an excellent script for the contest, and I wish you the best of luck. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2023
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Appreciate that. Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to review.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading this little scene. I do feel it should be developed a little more. Good luck with the contest.
AWW...WHAT`S YOUR IDEA PEGGY? (comma after 'idea' because you're addressing 'Peggy')
THAT WOULD BE NICE PEGGY. (again, addressing 'Peggy' comma after 'nice')
GREAT IDEA PEGGY! (comma after 'idea', the reason same as before)
VERY NICE PEGGY. (comma after 'nice')
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2023
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading this little scene. I do feel it should be developed a little more. Good luck with the contest.
AWW...WHAT`S YOUR IDEA PEGGY? (comma after 'idea' because you're addressing 'Peggy')
THAT WOULD BE NICE PEGGY. (again, addressing 'Peggy' comma after 'nice')
GREAT IDEA PEGGY! (comma after 'idea', the reason same as before)
VERY NICE PEGGY. (comma after 'nice')
Comment Written 24-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2023
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Thanks, I don`t agree with the commas as there is not a pause in the delivery. Correct me if I am wrong in that position. The characters are addressing Peggy on stage. Or is it always a practice to use a comma in this situation? Peggy has center stage so to speak and controlling the conversation. I appreciate the review In most of the scripts I have seen on this site, they all tend to be very short and succinct. I have nine small scenes that follow the Preparation. I do appreciate your comments as I continue to attempt the script writing process.
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It always a practice to use a comma in this situation. I just double checked my rule book: "Commas set off names of person being written to or spoken to in direct address." page 210 of The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference.
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Appreciate that. I will make the correction.
Comment from jacquelyn popp
This is a great script and interesting. I can relate to what they are thinking and maybe feeling. I lost my dad a couple of years ago to congestive heart failure. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2023
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This is a great script and interesting. I can relate to what they are thinking and maybe feeling. I lost my dad a couple of years ago to congestive heart failure. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2023
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Thank you for your kind review. CHF is not pleasant.
Comment from lyenochka
This doesn't give us a lot of story. Since you entered this into the contest, I hope you will add a little more plot that gets resolved. The situation is well set and it's always great when all the kids can come together at a time like this.
AWE...WHAT`S YOUR IDEA PEGGY? (AW or AWW)
THAT WOULD BE NICE PEGGY. (comma after 'NICE')
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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This doesn't give us a lot of story. Since you entered this into the contest, I hope you will add a little more plot that gets resolved. The situation is well set and it's always great when all the kids can come together at a time like this.
AWE...WHAT`S YOUR IDEA PEGGY? (AW or AWW)
THAT WOULD BE NICE PEGGY. (comma after 'NICE')
Comment Written 23-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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Thank you
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Awe is correct as it is said to express ?respect?. Comma after nice would be optional as it is a singular flowing statement. There are 9 conversations. Rather short but succinct. I was told to enter the contest this way. A book is being assembled scene by scene. Thanks again.
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Went back again and see that AWW is the most appropriate spelling. Thanks for pointing it out.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This script is short and succinct, but clear enough that the reader can feel the atmosphere in the room. Peggy has an excellent idea. Each sibling will have their own personal and private memory of their final conversation with their father. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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This script is short and succinct, but clear enough that the reader can feel the atmosphere in the room. Peggy has an excellent idea. Each sibling will have their own personal and private memory of their final conversation with their father. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2023
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Appreciate it. Thanks for reviewing.
