Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Children's Spring"Musing of an old man
42 total reviews
Comment from Ida T. Johnson
Very easy, light, and pleasant to read due to your chosen meter and rhyming pattern. Those 2 little cuties are a nice touch too! The word "ponds" in the last stanza, is that the form you intended or should it be "pond's". Good job!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Very easy, light, and pleasant to read due to your chosen meter and rhyming pattern. Those 2 little cuties are a nice touch too! The word "ponds" in the last stanza, is that the form you intended or should it be "pond's". Good job!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thanks Ida
Comment from lyenochka
That's a cute picture and I'm sure little ones would enjoy that excitement of the coming of spring through noticing activities of the squirrels and birds. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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That's a cute picture and I'm sure little ones would enjoy that excitement of the coming of spring through noticing activities of the squirrels and birds. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This a good entry in the Children's Poetry Contest. The text is a good size. The message is clearly stated and easy to understand.
However, because it is poetry for kids about the lively arrival of spring, I would not use a dull gray background for the text. Children's books are colorful, and the season of spring is for sure colorful.
Secondly, I would expand the poem box to allow better spacing around your poem. Drop the first line down one space. Go to the end of the last line and hit enter once. Now your poem box is larger.
The visual fits well. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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This a good entry in the Children's Poetry Contest. The text is a good size. The message is clearly stated and easy to understand.
However, because it is poetry for kids about the lively arrival of spring, I would not use a dull gray background for the text. Children's books are colorful, and the season of spring is for sure colorful.
Secondly, I would expand the poem box to allow better spacing around your poem. Drop the first line down one space. Go to the end of the last line and hit enter once. Now your poem box is larger.
The visual fits well. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Sandra, thank you, I will be working on this today.
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You are welcome. Hope the review helped.
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Sandra, yes indeed 🙏🎶🎶
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I'm glad!
Comment from royowen
A child's poem, but an older child I think my friend, this is a great post my friend, and a great entry in this contest. The theme is good, the flow sublime and the rhyming and articulation are excellent, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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A child's poem, but an older child I think my friend, this is a great post my friend, and a great entry in this contest. The theme is good, the flow sublime and the rhyming and articulation are excellent, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2023
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Roy, thank you I am attacking the meter today.
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Well done
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is not a simplistic poem in spite of having rhyming words that even a third grader can understand. Favorite lines: The ponds full of frogspawn growing,
nestled in trees, birds are laying,
while two noisey crows are crowing,
Spring comes, it comes, they are saying.
I think you mean "noisy" with the 'ey' ending.
The last line with its use of repetition gives the tone a sense of the definite, or the inevitable.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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This is not a simplistic poem in spite of having rhyming words that even a third grader can understand. Favorite lines: The ponds full of frogspawn growing,
nestled in trees, birds are laying,
while two noisey crows are crowing,
Spring comes, it comes, they are saying.
I think you mean "noisy" with the 'ey' ending.
The last line with its use of repetition gives the tone a sense of the definite, or the inevitable.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank goodness someone has eyes that can help, I am bey9nd grateful, 🙏🙏🎶🎶. thank you ?
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry was fun to read, JLR. It had smooth flow,
good rhymes, and great imagery. The art choice was a great
addition. Your words were descriptive and ones children would
understand.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Your contest entry was fun to read, JLR. It had smooth flow,
good rhymes, and great imagery. The art choice was a great
addition. Your words were descriptive and ones children would
understand.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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My sincere thank you.
Comment from MissMerri
I love the theme of this poem, and also the picture that accompanies it. As I read the first stanza with its perfect meter and rhyme, I began to think "this will be a six-worthy poem," but the second stanza was not so smooth and I suddenly found myself thinking, "this poem is SO good, I want to help with these lines and make it 100% perfect." Is that too presumptuous? If you'd rather not change anything, I understand. If you'd like to make a few small adjustments to even out the rhythm, I'd be delighted to help. Just let me now via PM. I see so much to love in this piece. MM
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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I love the theme of this poem, and also the picture that accompanies it. As I read the first stanza with its perfect meter and rhyme, I began to think "this will be a six-worthy poem," but the second stanza was not so smooth and I suddenly found myself thinking, "this poem is SO good, I want to help with these lines and make it 100% perfect." Is that too presumptuous? If you'd rather not change anything, I understand. If you'd like to make a few small adjustments to even out the rhythm, I'd be delighted to help. Just let me now via PM. I see so much to love in this piece. MM
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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I sent you a definite yea and thank you. I will work on this and resend.
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are uplifting, descriptive and creative. Thank you for
the author's notes - great info I didn't know about! The poem flows and
connects well. The artwork is awesome and implies to the reader that
spring is on the way! Have a great day!.....Maria
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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The author's words are uplifting, descriptive and creative. Thank you for
the author's notes - great info I didn't know about! The poem flows and
connects well. The artwork is awesome and implies to the reader that
spring is on the way! Have a great day!.....Maria
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Maria, thank you!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. As a retired first grade teacher, I would read this poem to my students and ask them to illustrate the poem. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. As a retired first grade teacher, I would read this poem to my students and ask them to illustrate the poem. I enjoyed reading and wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Oh, Barbara! Thank you so much. I have written so few children poems. I appreciate your validation.
Comment from patcelaw
You have done a wonderful job writing this children's poem. I find it rather hard to be able to write for children. However, on a few occasions I have done so. May you have a blessed day and may God bless. Patricia.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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You have done a wonderful job writing this children's poem. I find it rather hard to be able to write for children. However, on a few occasions I have done so. May you have a blessed day and may God bless. Patricia.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2023
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Patricia, I too, find childrens poems a challenge. I can count on one hand the number of entries I have attempted.
May your weeks be filled with the highest and best life has to offer. 🙏🙏🎶🎶
