Raggedy Ant
A children story7 total reviews
Comment from Sugarray77
Jose, this is a wonderfully written story that is presented in a lovely and endearing way. The Moral is true and I am sure someone needed to read it. Great job on character development, plot and ending. So well done.
Melissa
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2023
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Jose, this is a wonderfully written story that is presented in a lovely and endearing way. The Moral is true and I am sure someone needed to read it. Great job on character development, plot and ending. So well done.
Melissa
Comment Written 27-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Melissa. :) I'm glad you liked it. I worked on it on the site with help from everyone. Finally, I changed to the present tense and it is good. I thank you for the stars.
Comment from Jim Wile
This is a sweet story with a wonderful moral that should appeal to children and their parents. We all need a hand from time to time and don't need to face things alone. Very well put.
A few minor corrections:
"hid behind some sunglasses she found" should probably be "hid her face (or eyes) behind some sunglasses she found".
"tears overcrowding her sunglasses" would make more sense if you said, "tears flowing beneath her sunglasses".
"when her merry way" should be "went her merry way".
There is an inconsistency in the lines " you can solve any problems big or small if you listen to what they say. They care for you. You do not have to face it alone." Either change "problems" to "problem" or "it" to "them."
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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This is a sweet story with a wonderful moral that should appeal to children and their parents. We all need a hand from time to time and don't need to face things alone. Very well put.
A few minor corrections:
"hid behind some sunglasses she found" should probably be "hid her face (or eyes) behind some sunglasses she found".
"tears overcrowding her sunglasses" would make more sense if you said, "tears flowing beneath her sunglasses".
"when her merry way" should be "went her merry way".
There is an inconsistency in the lines " you can solve any problems big or small if you listen to what they say. They care for you. You do not have to face it alone." Either change "problems" to "problem" or "it" to "them."
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Jim. :) I changed many errors in the story, then I changed the tense to make it present instead of yesterday. I believe it sounds better, but... could you look over it again?
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Yes, it does sound better with the corrections. I did discover a couple more that I missed the first time. They're just minor:
1) Her hair is a mess her clothes are in tatters. (needs "and" or comma between mess and her)
2) "family notice" should be "family notices"
3) Raggedy Ant, do not cry I may be able to fix your problem.(needs a period after cry)
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Thank you, Jim. :)
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
About the picture, I usually post the text in advanced editor, then save. Immediately go back into document, edit, and add the picture from my computer and save. I wonder if you can download the picture and then attach it? I've seen it from other posts, but you describe Raggedy Ant well enough that it may not be necessary.
First sentence of 4th paragraph, perhaps: Body crushed, she straightened up as much as she could. Either way, add the word "as" after "much"
Why do you have the line, "I want something new, something sweet . . ." separate from the paragraph above?
Fifth paragraph - you don't need all of those commas in the last sentence. "When one in the family tried to reach her, their words came out all wrong."
There's a few other spelling and tense-change errors, but this isn't for contest and you were just having fun so I'm going to leave you alone:-)
I thought the moral of the story was going to be that some people march to a different drummer (or just go in the wrong direction), and that's okay.
But everyone seems happy in this children's tale, and that's what matters.
Glad you had fun with this one! Sorry that I'm giving you 4 stars on this, but there are an abundance of fixes that could be made, and I'm just trying to be honest. Thanks for sharing.
Pam
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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About the picture, I usually post the text in advanced editor, then save. Immediately go back into document, edit, and add the picture from my computer and save. I wonder if you can download the picture and then attach it? I've seen it from other posts, but you describe Raggedy Ant well enough that it may not be necessary.
First sentence of 4th paragraph, perhaps: Body crushed, she straightened up as much as she could. Either way, add the word "as" after "much"
Why do you have the line, "I want something new, something sweet . . ." separate from the paragraph above?
Fifth paragraph - you don't need all of those commas in the last sentence. "When one in the family tried to reach her, their words came out all wrong."
There's a few other spelling and tense-change errors, but this isn't for contest and you were just having fun so I'm going to leave you alone:-)
I thought the moral of the story was going to be that some people march to a different drummer (or just go in the wrong direction), and that's okay.
But everyone seems happy in this children's tale, and that's what matters.
Glad you had fun with this one! Sorry that I'm giving you 4 stars on this, but there are an abundance of fixes that could be made, and I'm just trying to be honest. Thanks for sharing.
Pam
Comment Written 25-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Pam, you are the writer. I changed my tense and would like for you to check how far I am. :) Tear me apart woman! But with a gentle heart. :)
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You're a writer too:-)
Comment from country ranch writer
Went her merry way?maybe?I think she learned her lesson. If she had done what was supposed to do she wouldn't have got herself in fix to begging with it pays to listen to your elders.
Tuesday1/24/2023.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Went her merry way?maybe?I think she learned her lesson. If she had done what was supposed to do she wouldn't have got herself in fix to begging with it pays to listen to your elders.
Tuesday1/24/2023.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Barb. I'm glad you liked it. :)
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Smile
Comment from prettybluebirds
Any child would love this story. It is too bad you couldn't get the picture to paste on here. It is a lovely story, anyway. Yout choice of words is perfect and makes the story delightful to read.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Any child would love this story. It is too bad you couldn't get the picture to paste on here. It is a lovely story, anyway. Yout choice of words is perfect and makes the story delightful to read.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Pretty Bird. :) I changed the tense instead of yesterday I made it today. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from lyenochka
Your story made me smile, Jose! And it's perfect for a children's story. I think you should write more of these. So glad that you posted the story!!
Suggestions:
Crush in body she straighten (Crushed in body,)
because her antennas were misaligned. (antennae) for bugs the plural you have are for TV antennas.
In your notes, you could refer the reader to Debra's post:
https://fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=1082995
That way they can see the picture if they want to.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Your story made me smile, Jose! And it's perfect for a children's story. I think you should write more of these. So glad that you posted the story!!
Suggestions:
Crush in body she straighten (Crushed in body,)
because her antennas were misaligned. (antennae) for bugs the plural you have are for TV antennas.
In your notes, you could refer the reader to Debra's post:
https://fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=1082995
That way they can see the picture if they want to.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Helen. :) I'm glad you liked it, but I changed it to the present tense and I think it sounds better.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Shame the picture could not be loaded. Your story is endearing and children would love this sweet tale about the ant getting battered under foot, but the family came to the rescue, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Shame the picture could not be loaded. Your story is endearing and children would love this sweet tale about the ant getting battered under foot, but the family came to the rescue, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023
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Thank you, Dolly. :)
