When Thanks isn't Enough
Freedon isn't free, they paid for it42 total reviews
Comment from Karyn2
Honest poem of remembrance and respect to honour the fallen and the freedom they fought so hard for.
I feel there are a few things that could lift your poem. I hope you don't mind my suggesting a few. "Fought" and "not" did not work as satisfying rhymes. Possibly, you could change "not" to "nought"? I think the 2nd last line might have mean to end in "me" to rhyme with "free". I feel if possible, try reworking the lines starting with "it, the or they" maybe not all of them, but there are so many more interesting word choices that would grab the reader at the start of each line especially where you have doubled using these 2 lines in a row.
I hope this comes across as helpful and not too critical because I feel this has a great message and with a little refining holds promise.
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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Honest poem of remembrance and respect to honour the fallen and the freedom they fought so hard for.
I feel there are a few things that could lift your poem. I hope you don't mind my suggesting a few. "Fought" and "not" did not work as satisfying rhymes. Possibly, you could change "not" to "nought"? I think the 2nd last line might have mean to end in "me" to rhyme with "free". I feel if possible, try reworking the lines starting with "it, the or they" maybe not all of them, but there are so many more interesting word choices that would grab the reader at the start of each line especially where you have doubled using these 2 lines in a row.
I hope this comes across as helpful and not too critical because I feel this has a great message and with a little refining holds promise.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a creative and beautifully written poem paying tribute to American fallen soldiers. It pairs perfectly with your chosen photo, adding rich imagery to your clear and heartfelt poetry. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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This is a creative and beautifully written poem paying tribute to American fallen soldiers. It pairs perfectly with your chosen photo, adding rich imagery to your clear and heartfelt poetry. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
So many wars remembered here and lives lost in the struggle of battle for freedom and rights. We must remember our soldiers and praise their efforts through the centuries, I enjoyed your words here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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So many wars remembered here and lives lost in the struggle of battle for freedom and rights. We must remember our soldiers and praise their efforts through the centuries, I enjoyed your words here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much Dolly. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from nomi338
We owe so much to those who chose to answer the call to stand for those who not only could not, but also for those who believe it or not would not. For all they died, for so many, after their death so many of us cried.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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We owe so much to those who chose to answer the call to stand for those who not only could not, but also for those who believe it or not would not. For all they died, for so many, after their death so many of us cried.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a super tribute to the members of the military past and present. I guess the emphasis is on the past, especially with fantastic lines like: They lay alone,
In a garden of stone,
Very nice entry indeed.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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This is a super tribute to the members of the military past and present. I guess the emphasis is on the past, especially with fantastic lines like: They lay alone,
In a garden of stone,
Very nice entry indeed.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
The poem is a poignant reminder of the sacrifices made by soldiers, and the importance of remembering their contributions to our freedom. It is a great way to honor the memory of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, and to remind the readers of the cost of freedom.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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The poem is a poignant reminder of the sacrifices made by soldiers, and the importance of remembering their contributions to our freedom. It is a great way to honor the memory of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice, and to remind the readers of the cost of freedom.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
This poem of rhyming couplets here makes the poem an epitaph for the American dead of all the brutal conflicts which the country has faced.
So many made the ultimate sacrifice!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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This poem of rhyming couplets here makes the poem an epitaph for the American dead of all the brutal conflicts which the country has faced.
So many made the ultimate sacrifice!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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Welcome
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem is a good way to honor all those who died in war to start and retain our way of life.
I think you left out the word me at the end of the second to last line.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck in the contest.
Joan
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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This poem is a good way to honor all those who died in war to start and retain our way of life.
I think you left out the word me at the end of the second to last line.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Good luck in the contest.
Joan
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much Joan. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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You are most kindly welcome.
Joan
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is a very nice tribute!
This part missed a little on the rhyme and flow:
For eight years we fought,
To have British rule not,
This part was brilliant:
They lay alone,
In a garden of stone,
Nice work here.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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This is a very nice tribute!
This part missed a little on the rhyme and flow:
For eight years we fought,
To have British rule not,
This part was brilliant:
They lay alone,
In a garden of stone,
Nice work here.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
You covered a lot of American history and the facts are true to this day. They died for our freedom and we should never forget their many sacrifices for all of us to be free to do what we want in our lives. Thanks for addressing this great country of ours and its history which should never be forgotten.
Jesse
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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You covered a lot of American history and the facts are true to this day. They died for our freedom and we should never forget their many sacrifices for all of us to be free to do what we want in our lives. Thanks for addressing this great country of ours and its history which should never be forgotten.
Jesse
Comment Written 16-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2023
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.
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Good luck with the contest!
