When did I lose you?
A short story of loss37 total reviews
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is an intense piece of fiction. I didn't realize she was speaking to God until the near end. I felt the pain of this character and perhaps the anger and frustration of their losses. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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This is an intense piece of fiction. I didn't realize she was speaking to God until the near end. I felt the pain of this character and perhaps the anger and frustration of their losses. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 13-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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Thank you. The story is fiction. I did lose my sons but not my faith.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Loss is a horrible thing and when stuff like this happens, there are lots of unanswered questions which sadly for many folk never come with any answers.
The sense of grieve and abandonment comes across well in this short piece.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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Hi there,
Loss is a horrible thing and when stuff like this happens, there are lots of unanswered questions which sadly for many folk never come with any answers.
The sense of grieve and abandonment comes across well in this short piece.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 13-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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Thank you. The story is fictional. While I did lose my sons, and lived through terrible grief, I never lost faith.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
We all have interesting ways of dealing with loss. I know you lost your husband, but since this is a flash fiction contest, I assume this is not entirely your story.
It is tragically familiar when, with every new loss, we wonder why were left alone to suffer.
Your narrator poses a lot of questions here - like most of us in life.
Good luck with the contest.
Pam
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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We all have interesting ways of dealing with loss. I know you lost your husband, but since this is a flash fiction contest, I assume this is not entirely your story.
It is tragically familiar when, with every new loss, we wonder why were left alone to suffer.
Your narrator poses a lot of questions here - like most of us in life.
Good luck with the contest.
Pam
Comment Written 13-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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Thank you. It is fiction because, while I did lose my sons and husband, I never lost faith. I tried to imagine how someone might do so in the same situation.
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
You must be one hell of a strong person to have suffered all that. I suppose it is natural to search for reasons why bad things happen, but the universe has no pity, I am afraid. What happens, happens, without any real purpose or reason. The only meaning of life is to survive and you have done that admirably. x
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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You must be one hell of a strong person to have suffered all that. I suppose it is natural to search for reasons why bad things happen, but the universe has no pity, I am afraid. What happens, happens, without any real purpose or reason. The only meaning of life is to survive and you have done that admirably. x
Comment Written 13-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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Thank you, and thanks for the kind words. This story is fictional. I did lose my sons, but not my faith. I tried to imagine how one could lose faith in a situation like mine.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This story has a theme of great loss that also affects the speaker's ability to identify what God's motives might be. They say that the loss of a loved one is definitely about the hardest test there is during mortal life. Good luck in that contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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This story has a theme of great loss that also affects the speaker's ability to identify what God's motives might be. They say that the loss of a loved one is definitely about the hardest test there is during mortal life. Good luck in that contest.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2023
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Thank you. It is very hard to lose the ones you love. However, the story is fiction. I lost my sons but not my faith. I can see where someone could lose faith in a similar situtation.
Comment from Origins of the Soul
@prettybluebirds
This was so touching! I feel its liberating to be able to write about loss... kind of gives a cathartic relief that sometimes is not achievable even when you share it with someone. Thank you for posting this beautiful piece. And I am really sorry for your loss. Losing your loved ones is a wound that only time and pets can heal. Sending you much love and virtual hugs!
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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@prettybluebirds
This was so touching! I feel its liberating to be able to write about loss... kind of gives a cathartic relief that sometimes is not achievable even when you share it with someone. Thank you for posting this beautiful piece. And I am really sorry for your loss. Losing your loved ones is a wound that only time and pets can heal. Sending you much love and virtual hugs!
Comment Written 12-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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Thank you. The story is fiction in that I didn't lose my faith. I can imagine that some might in a situation such as mine.
Comment from Terry Broxson
I find it interesting that our lives have several similarities. You are nine days older than me. My wife died in 2018, and we had cats. But there are differences. We did not have kids. In my family and in both my father's and mother's families, as well, all the parents outlived their kids. My brother did not outlived his kids.
I can only imagine the heartbreak. Fiction or not it is a strong entry for the contest. Good luck. Terry.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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I find it interesting that our lives have several similarities. You are nine days older than me. My wife died in 2018, and we had cats. But there are differences. We did not have kids. In my family and in both my father's and mother's families, as well, all the parents outlived their kids. My brother did not outlived his kids.
I can only imagine the heartbreak. Fiction or not it is a strong entry for the contest. Good luck. Terry.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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Thank you. Your life is sumilar in a lot of ways. I had kids but seemedunable to raise any of them. It was a long time ago and I am fine now, or as fine as I will ever be.
Comment from LJbutterfly
The reader can feel the pain and emotion of your words in this short fictional story. The same question runs throughout. Where? Where? Where? The question is never answered. Your artwork pairs perfectly with your subject and helps promote your message.
In real life, the loss of a son is horrifying, but three sons is devastating. I'm glad you know that God is with you, and I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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The reader can feel the pain and emotion of your words in this short fictional story. The same question runs throughout. Where? Where? Where? The question is never answered. Your artwork pairs perfectly with your subject and helps promote your message.
In real life, the loss of a son is horrifying, but three sons is devastating. I'm glad you know that God is with you, and I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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Thank you. One reviewer called me out for using a repetitive word. The whole idea in the story is asking where were you reapeatedly. One can't please everyone. I'm glad you like the story .
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Maybe the better way to consider is the man you thought abandon you, was himself the abandoned, and having his sons, I read behind the lines, have joined him wherever where may be and now the three are reunited and neither or are not abandoned.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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Maybe the better way to consider is the man you thought abandon you, was himself the abandoned, and having his sons, I read behind the lines, have joined him wherever where may be and now the three are reunited and neither or are not abandoned.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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Thank you. I wrote this so one could take it as spiritual of otherwise. It is a fictional story. While I did lose three sons, I never felt like the story portrays.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a poignant flash fiction. However, in the future I think you could increase the impact of such short pieces by careful editing. I suggest: print out triple interline, mark all repeated words, try to reformulate or use synonyms. 1 single example:
If I knew where to find you > If I knew how to find you... Where were you? No one will tell me where you are > Where were you? No one will tell me the response (I had counted 6 where's)
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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This is a poignant flash fiction. However, in the future I think you could increase the impact of such short pieces by careful editing. I suggest: print out triple interline, mark all repeated words, try to reformulate or use synonyms. 1 single example:
If I knew where to find you > If I knew how to find you... Where were you? No one will tell me where you are > Where were you? No one will tell me the response (I had counted 6 where's)
Comment Written 11-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2023
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Thank you. I did notice the repetative words and considered doing it over. Then I said, nah, it was late and I was tired. This is the way the thoughts went through my mind and I wrote them down as such. I don't give a hoot if it wins or not, I enjoyed writing it.
