A Midnight Kiss
A New Year's Eve story from a prompt.9 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I'm sure we all know we aren't supposed to kiss strangers, but sometimes when the mood hits us, who the heck cares something simple as a name. LOL. Thanks for sharing your short story that touches a few spots for many, I'm sure.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
  |
Well, I'm sure we all know we aren't supposed to kiss strangers, but sometimes when the mood hits us, who the heck cares something simple as a name. LOL. Thanks for sharing your short story that touches a few spots for many, I'm sure.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2023
-
Thanks, Ric! I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did a fantastic job here. This enjoyable story is succinct, very descriptive, with realistic imagery, and believable dialogue. It also has a satisfying happy ending.
Suggestion for sentence structure: "She sat at the table while her friends danced, sipping her second Coke of the night." (It sounds as if her friends danced an sipped her Coke). You could say, She sat at the table sipping her second Coke of the night while her friends danced.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
|
You did a fantastic job here. This enjoyable story is succinct, very descriptive, with realistic imagery, and believable dialogue. It also has a satisfying happy ending.
Suggestion for sentence structure: "She sat at the table while her friends danced, sipping her second Coke of the night." (It sounds as if her friends danced an sipped her Coke). You could say, She sat at the table sipping her second Coke of the night while her friends danced.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
-
Thank you! Good point. I appreciate your thoughtful advice.
Comment from Thesis
You developed the story with a somewhat pathetic character into one to be envied. Your words showed her inner pain and her desire to leave the party until a stranger changed her whole world, She began having fun, dancing and, of course, the kiss.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
|
You developed the story with a somewhat pathetic character into one to be envied. Your words showed her inner pain and her desire to leave the party until a stranger changed her whole world, She began having fun, dancing and, of course, the kiss.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2023
-
Thank you for the kind review. Happy New Year!
Comment from Karyn2
Christmas and New Years just provide the perfect backdrop for a blossoming romance story and your shot romantic fiction didn't disappoint! You created a character that was relatable. I know that alone feeling at an event when those you knew drift away. The awkward moments, false smiles hoping no one truly sees. I also loved the repetition of "the man could..." which brought such a pleasing structure and ultimately excellent ending. My only thought was that I would have liked to have known "her" name at some point. I think handsome mystery man's identity could remain unknown though. Just a little idea. Great writing! Can't wait to read more in 23!
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
 |
Christmas and New Years just provide the perfect backdrop for a blossoming romance story and your shot romantic fiction didn't disappoint! You created a character that was relatable. I know that alone feeling at an event when those you knew drift away. The awkward moments, false smiles hoping no one truly sees. I also loved the repetition of "the man could..." which brought such a pleasing structure and ultimately excellent ending. My only thought was that I would have liked to have known "her" name at some point. I think handsome mystery man's identity could remain unknown though. Just a little idea. Great writing! Can't wait to read more in 23!
Comment Written 01-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2023
-
Karyn, what a lovely review! Thank you so much. I was so glad you liked the repetition at the end - I re-wrote the ending to add that. You're probably right about the name; it would have rounded out her character. Thanks again!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This was a great story of an unexpected happy ending for
the lady--and probably the man, too, Chris. I enjoyed reading
it. You set the scene well with your great descriptive words. There
was smooth flow and believable action.
Thanks for sharing an upbeat ending, Jan
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
This was a great story of an unexpected happy ending for
the lady--and probably the man, too, Chris. I enjoyed reading
it. You set the scene well with your great descriptive words. There
was smooth flow and believable action.
Thanks for sharing an upbeat ending, Jan
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Jan! What a kind review which I truly appreciate.
Comment from jessizero
I was feeling sorry for your protagonist, but things ended well for her. (Or should I say that things began well for her in the new year?) Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
I was feeling sorry for your protagonist, but things ended well for her. (Or should I say that things began well for her in the new year?) Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you! And let's hope for the new beginning :-) Happy New Year to you, too.
Comment from Mario PIERRE
It's the first time I got the privilege to review your work, just clicked on your profile after you reviewed my story. What a great short story! It's heartfelt, and the solitude of the girl is palpable through your words. Great job!!
M
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
It's the first time I got the privilege to review your work, just clicked on your profile after you reviewed my story. What a great short story! It's heartfelt, and the solitude of the girl is palpable through your words. Great job!!
M
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you, Mario! What a kind review.
I've been absent for several months- bad case of writer's block - but I've promised myself to write again. Your review was a nice confidence booster. Thanks, again.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
From the beginning your forlorn fifth wheel deserved better. You describe her well, using her inner dialogue to tell us about her. So, naturally we are pleased that her evening ended well. A great read.
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
From the beginning your forlorn fifth wheel deserved better. You describe her well, using her inner dialogue to tell us about her. So, naturally we are pleased that her evening ended well. A great read.
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review, Ginda!
Comment from RodG
What a delightful story to usher in the new year. An excellent job of setting the story and introducing your protagonist in just the first two paragraphs. Then just enough backstory to evoke our sympathy. What I like best is how you characterize "him" mostly through dialog. And a terrific happy ending! Rod
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
|
What a delightful story to usher in the new year. An excellent job of setting the story and introducing your protagonist in just the first two paragraphs. Then just enough backstory to evoke our sympathy. What I like best is how you characterize "him" mostly through dialog. And a terrific happy ending! Rod
Comment Written 31-Dec-2022
reply by the author on 31-Dec-2022
-
Thanks, Rod! What a nice review. I've not written for several months and was nervous about posting - you made my day. Thanks again.
-
My pleasure and Happy New Year!
