Comment from Kaiku

Exceptional

I saw this on Netflix and had no clue. Now I must engage it. Looks like a very entertaining series. My daughter has been working on a piece that details a woman serial killer that is a gardener by trade. When she's tamping that potted plant I believe she is thinking a deadly plot. No pun intended. Fun stuff you showcase.

 Comment Written 11-Dec-2022

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reply by the author on 11-Dec-2022

I saw the ad for the series two days ago and on a last minute whim I decided to use it as my theme for this entry. I had already written a poem with another subject but I will keep that for another time.

This new series has 8 episode in the first season and I was able to binge watch it on the computer.

Up to now I had only seen the old Addams Family series.

I have not seen any of the Addams films.

The last time I went to a cinema was in 1982 as a teen when I saw Star Trek the Motion Film. The film had already been out a three years.

Glad you enjoyed the goofiness and thought it was worth that extra star.

Take care!

reply by Kaiku on 11-Dec-2022

Ciao my friend.

Comment from Mario PIERRE

Excellent

You made the 3 words not only fit in any poem, but most importantly the backbone of the poem itself. Dark tones and written subtly, it's a beautiful one. Good luck with the contest.
Mario

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2022

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reply by the author on 10-Dec-2022

Thanks for the kind review.
I edited it somewhat replacing too many SHEs with other names like : pig-tailed ravin and teen.
Glad you enjoyed the dark theme.

Comment from Karyn2

Excellent

You have definitely ticked the boxes for this competition including the prompts and I think you have selected a great character/theme to use as your focus. You have written in free verse style with many rhymes or near/imperfect rhymes. I stumbled a little at first with the end rhyme as I was then expecting a rhythmic rhyming poem and then it felt quite awkward around "horror". I wonder perhaps if you can use some of the end rhymes as internal rhymes so it is clearer earlier on that it isn't a rhyme and meter style? Quite a few sentences start with She or She's. I wonder if you might switch a few up or omit the over use of she? Just a few thoughts you may like to think on. I think you have a solid entry and wish you the very best.

 Comment Written 10-Dec-2022

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reply by the author on 10-Dec-2022

I appreciate you constructive feedback

I agree I have too many she , she is , I noticed myself( sigh)

Now that I have posted I?ll see if I can edit some out .

As for the rhymes I?m not sure if I can fix that but I will keep it in mind.

Thank you!

reply by the author on 10-Dec-2022

I worked on the poem and made several edits..I replaced some SHEs and rephrased other lines. I would love to hear your opinion if you have time.

reply by Karyn2 on 10-Dec-2022

Hey well done! I think you've made this so much more descriptive! We get an even deeper look at the character! I love the raven pigtail line! How would you feel if it read something like this:
....is emotionally shut down
A frown she won't even hint.
She hates hugs and clowns,
When ever around the lass knows
how to stand her ground.
Folks call her a freak,
The other cheek, she never offers."

It might flow too differently to how you had in mind but by keeping the same wording but placing some of the rhymes internally, I feel works better here as a free form poem which the end of your poem is. Again, you have to live it too. Going well!!

reply by Karyn2 on 10-Dec-2022

Its midnight my end so I'm signing out. All the best for contest. Whatever version you put up there's lots to love!!

reply by the author on 10-Dec-2022

Thank you for the help and additional suggestions, they are appreciated but I'll leave it.

I realise that your version actually flows better as a free- form poem..I have too many rhymes but I'm too stubborn to give them up.

I will treasure your comments and remember in the future to limit my rhymes when doing a free form poem.

Thank you for your time and help. It's nearly 15.00 here.

Wishing you sweet dreams!

reply by Karyn2 on 10-Dec-2022

Good call! You have a great poem and I wish you the very best in the competition! I don?t think there is a rule about how much rhyme can be in a free verse (I actually wrote one that intentionally has a mix). You are the creator and the freedoms are your to choose your own expression. Have a good evening!!

reply by the author on 10-Dec-2022

Best wishes for a lovely Sunday !

Here it's 5.25 in the morning and I have my fireplace blazing (smiles) .

I'm going to have a slice of my favorite fig,raisin and nut bread. The local bakery is a stone throw from my house. The aroma in the mornings is just mouth watering.

Take care!