A Fly on the Wall
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "On the Gift of a Sense of Humor"A journal musings and assessments about situations
26 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Pope
Some time ago, I read part of an autobiography by Tina Fey. I laughed throughout the entire piece. I remember thinking how can so many ridiculous events happen to one person? I thought about that a while and decided that the hilarious events were caused in big part by Fey's incredible sense of humor. She saw funny in everything, and it became funny.
That's what you do. And you tell it so well. You even set the stage for funny in the way that you dress. That's what this episode is about to me. It is outstanding. And bravo for putting the swimmers' stomachs over your own sense of propriety.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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Some time ago, I read part of an autobiography by Tina Fey. I laughed throughout the entire piece. I remember thinking how can so many ridiculous events happen to one person? I thought about that a while and decided that the hilarious events were caused in big part by Fey's incredible sense of humor. She saw funny in everything, and it became funny.
That's what you do. And you tell it so well. You even set the stage for funny in the way that you dress. That's what this episode is about to me. It is outstanding. And bravo for putting the swimmers' stomachs over your own sense of propriety.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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Hahaha. That's write, Debbie: team player, that's me! (Plus I didn't want to be their afternoon snack; that did play into my decision to just stand there...)
Thanks for the great review, and, of course, the additional star. xoxox
Comment from Ric Myworld
Always a firm believer that stories are about the characters and not the plots, themes, or whatever, you've sure given us a great look into yours. LOL. Thanks for sharing. It's always wonderful to start my day off with a laugh.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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Always a firm believer that stories are about the characters and not the plots, themes, or whatever, you've sure given us a great look into yours. LOL. Thanks for sharing. It's always wonderful to start my day off with a laugh.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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Glad I could oblige!!
Comment from nomi338
This is quite the hilarious story. I am reminded of an incident that happened to me when I was in the military. I was on duty as a guard at one of the entry gates to the base. A sergeant asked me to give a package to his wife. As she got out of her car to approach the gate a huge gust of wind blew her dress up over her head. I gave her the package and went back inside the guard shack. Later that day I ran into the sergeant who tried to introduce me to his wife and I replied, "Oh we have already met." She turned a bright shade of red for the second time that day.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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This is quite the hilarious story. I am reminded of an incident that happened to me when I was in the military. I was on duty as a guard at one of the entry gates to the base. A sergeant asked me to give a package to his wife. As she got out of her car to approach the gate a huge gust of wind blew her dress up over her head. I gave her the package and went back inside the guard shack. Later that day I ran into the sergeant who tried to introduce me to his wife and I replied, "Oh we have already met." She turned a bright shade of red for the second time that day.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2022
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Hahahahaha. That poor woman!
Comment from Carol Clark2
These two stories are absolutely hilarious! I like that you included them both, as well as introducing them with the quote from 'Fiddler.' Love the 'super model variety' of chickens. Thanks for the laughs. Have a blessed week. Carol
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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These two stories are absolutely hilarious! I like that you included them both, as well as introducing them with the quote from 'Fiddler.' Love the 'super model variety' of chickens. Thanks for the laughs. Have a blessed week. Carol
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Thanks for the review and the extra special star!! xo
Comment from LJbutterfly
Both events described are hilarious. My daughter would have laughed first and then reacted as yours did. I believe God gives us a sense of humor, but He too has a sense of humor when you consider some of the humorous circumstances we find ourselves in. Thank you for this delightful story.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Both events described are hilarious. My daughter would have laughed first and then reacted as yours did. I believe God gives us a sense of humor, but He too has a sense of humor when you consider some of the humorous circumstances we find ourselves in. Thank you for this delightful story.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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And thank YOU for this delightful review!! I appreciate it very much (and am encouraged that it is not only MY child who thinks everything that happens in life centers around her.) xo
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this post with us. I found it funny. Yes, God does give us a since of humor and I've discovered through the years, He also has a since of humor and doesn't mind sharing it.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Thank you for sharing this post with us. I found it funny. Yes, God does give us a since of humor and I've discovered through the years, He also has a since of humor and doesn't mind sharing it.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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You are sooo very right!!!
Comment from GWHARGIS
Omg! You sure held it together a little better than I would have. This was hilarious. I could see the whole dress thing as if I was there. At least the underwear and bra were matching. It could have been worse. You could have been donning your white cotton period underpants. I met Miss Virginia so I laughed when you said something about the unpagaent like shriek. Oh to be a fly on the wall in the life of Rachelle Allen. �. Thanks for the laugh. Gretchen
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Omg! You sure held it together a little better than I would have. This was hilarious. I could see the whole dress thing as if I was there. At least the underwear and bra were matching. It could have been worse. You could have been donning your white cotton period underpants. I met Miss Virginia so I laughed when you said something about the unpagaent like shriek. Oh to be a fly on the wall in the life of Rachelle Allen. �. Thanks for the laugh. Gretchen
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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It's one entertaining place, my wall!!
Thank you for the delightful review and the extra star, too! So appreciated, Gretchen. xo
PS - What what Miss VA like?
Comment from Susan Newell
Rachelle,
This is hilarious. I like the marrying of the two stories of humiliation and the responses (by mothers and children both) to it. You do indeed lead an exciting life. I liked the coining of the word "foofy." It says everything. I made a few notes below.
Sue
Unexpectedly, en route to the school, I was way-laid by ==> waylaid
envisioned the catastrophe of having to tell the ravenous school of piranhas inside that their bagels were scattered all over the parking lot, doing cartwheels like tumbleweeds across a desert floor. --Superb!
my acrobatic hemline to return to its proper place hear my knees. -- typo ==> near
People here don't really "have" livestock.--i wonder if "keep" might be a better word choice than "have" (It's a term we rural people use.)
Mrs. New York's chickens are of the super model variety. ==> supermodel
I was in my usual teaching spot in Mrs. New York's sparkling home --in the chair next to the piano. --You might want to introduce the son here. At first I though the Mrs. was the student.
Victorian playhouse that is the foofy chickens of Snootyville's residence. --Would this be better as?: Victorian playhouse residence of the foofy Snootyville chickens. (Tighter writing.)
like Bruce Jenner back when he had a y-chromosome -- He still has Y (capitalized) chromosomes. They haven't yet found a way to really turn boys into girls. Can you find a more accurate way to express this? He probably takes estrogen.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Rachelle,
This is hilarious. I like the marrying of the two stories of humiliation and the responses (by mothers and children both) to it. You do indeed lead an exciting life. I liked the coining of the word "foofy." It says everything. I made a few notes below.
Sue
Unexpectedly, en route to the school, I was way-laid by ==> waylaid
envisioned the catastrophe of having to tell the ravenous school of piranhas inside that their bagels were scattered all over the parking lot, doing cartwheels like tumbleweeds across a desert floor. --Superb!
my acrobatic hemline to return to its proper place hear my knees. -- typo ==> near
People here don't really "have" livestock.--i wonder if "keep" might be a better word choice than "have" (It's a term we rural people use.)
Mrs. New York's chickens are of the super model variety. ==> supermodel
I was in my usual teaching spot in Mrs. New York's sparkling home --in the chair next to the piano. --You might want to introduce the son here. At first I though the Mrs. was the student.
Victorian playhouse that is the foofy chickens of Snootyville's residence. --Would this be better as?: Victorian playhouse residence of the foofy Snootyville chickens. (Tighter writing.)
like Bruce Jenner back when he had a y-chromosome -- He still has Y (capitalized) chromosomes. They haven't yet found a way to really turn boys into girls. Can you find a more accurate way to express this? He probably takes estrogen.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Thank you. This is so tremendously helpful. I especially like the way you did the "good editor" 'can you find a more accurate way to express this?' Perfect! Xo
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:-)
Comment from Write Right Writer
Rachelle...
You truly are the goddess of writing great comedy (take THAT, Erma Bombeck). And you have outdone yourself this time!
Many of your stories are funny because of the way you tell them. This is your once-in-a-generation special gift of being the Erma Bombeck of the 21-st century.
But these two stories would be quite funny even if completely unembellished and narrated in a robotic-like monotone or delivered by a dog with a note in its mouth.
Add your special gift for comedy to two already funny stories--and Voila! I believe this may be the best piece of written comedy I have ever seen from you (and you KNOW how much I've loved many of your previous posts. Well done, Rachelle.
I am elated and SO unbelievably happy for you. Mark my words, this post will rock the FanStory world. Both stories are beyond HILARIOUS! You take LOL to a deafening volume and I am still laughing. Congratulations!
First of all, your L'Chaim opening as a simile is a perfect segue for this post. Well done.
If I were to list all of my favorites, I would be here all night so here are my Top 6 for the first story:
- I loved how you set up the, "ravenous school of piranhas" line seven paragraphs earlier with, "...engage in feeding frenzies, like piranhas do." It was the set up that made the delivery funny. You did the same thing with, "uber-stylish sunglasses adorned with gold prong-like accents..." as a set up to, "... become impaled on the prongs of my oh-so-stylish sunglasses" six paragraph later. Outstanding! Ditto for the, "barreling gust of wind" set up of "pop-up windstorm in the preceding paragraph. Great comedy is all about the set up, right?
- Scooped up, hip checked, and made a bee-line
- Powerful word/phrase choices: team player that I am, succumb to gravity, with unparalleled panic, become impaled on the prongs of my oh-so-stylish sunglasses, and defy all laws of Physics.
- (Question: was it better or worse that my bra and panties were leopard, as well?)
- This turn of events segued to a chorus of male voices, shouting, "I'LL GET IT!!" which was followed by stampeding footfalls that sounded like a herd of bison in a Zumba class (perhaps my favorite)
- The entire bit about Leah's reaction is hilarious. My favorite line in this bit is (To this day --and she's forty now-- compassion is still not this girl's strong suit.)
I cannot do the same with your Mrs. Chicken Hawk story. To do so would require 1-3 key word/phrase themes from each paragraph.
The Saturn dress in orbit story is all about set up and delivery, like a stand up comedy routine. But your masterfully-crafted use of irony, sarcasm, exaggeration, and point of view in virtually every paragraph of Mrs Chicken Hawk is stand alone funny. Like a series of jokes, every paragraph's humor is self-contained.
And you excel in both styles/genres of humor. Your natural talent for humor is truly exceptional, Rachelle.
In terms of edits and suggested improvements, here are a few "VERY picky" thoughts that may or may not be helpful. Take them, tweak them, or trash them as you see fit. Polishing something that already shines so brightly is optional and preference-driven. My questions are rhetorical and every bullet point begins with, "What do you think about..."
P = Paragraph / L = Line / S = Sentence
1. Edit: P-6 (The commitment), L-4 (girls. But...) - Delete, "it's that" to read, "anything about swimmers, they don't..."
2. Edit: P-6 (The commitment), L-4 (do. I watched) - Delete, "I attended" to read, "...at every meet and can swear..."
3. Question: What do you think about adding the word, "print" to read, "(Question: was it better or worse that my bra and panties were leopard print, as well?)
4. Edit: P-20 (Simultaneously), L-3 (hemline to) - Replace, "hear my knees" with "near my knees."
5. Note: P-27 (She lives), S-2 and S-3 - I love S-1 and S-4 and and am wondering if S-2 and S-3 should be deleted or rewritten. Deleting both would work or perhaps a point of view revision along the lines of, "People raise livestock (or chickens) in rural counties--not snooty suburbs (Snootyville?).
6. Edit: P-30 (I was in...), L-3 (door that leads...) - Delete, "inground pool, which, in turn, leads to the..." to read, "in front of the door that leads to the gate and fenced-in area...).
7. Suggested Reworking for Flow: P-30 (I was in...), end of last sentence - Change, "...with the Victorian playhouse that is the foofy chickens of Snootyville's residence to read something along the lines of, "...with the Victorian playhouse where the foofy chickens of Snootyville live/reside.
8. P-33 (She proceeded...), L-2 (like Bruce Jenner) - Delete, "and was a decathalete rather than a hair-and-make-up guru to read, "like Bruce Jenner back when he had a (before he surrendered/traded in his) y-chromosome."
9. Question: P-35 (Meanwhile, her...), Last sentence - I'm wondering if the parenthetical drooling line diminishes the impact of the preceding (and hilarious abyss/head shaking line. What about cutting it or perhaps something like "it wasn't his greatest lesson" or "I was definitely tempted to call the PTSD hotline" or... IDK?
10. Suggestion: P-36 (When his mother...), L-1 (same) - Replace, "brouhaha" with "attempted kidnapping" or "failed/thwarted abduction"
11. Suggestion: P-36 (When his mother...), L-1 (same) - Delete, "her silky blonde locks had transformed into slimy, matted serpents that slithered down her back, leaving muddy tracks on her pale pink athletic wear."
Sidebar: Using the word "liltingly" the way you did in P-31 may be my favorite word in the entire post, followed closely by your phrase, "out-polite ME, frickin-A dammit!" in P-32. Fabulous!
I trust these comments are helpful, Rachelle, at least for brief consideration and subsequent dismissal. You must know that every single word, phrase, line, sentence and paragraph not mentioned in these bullet points flooded my mind with tacit comments like, "perfect, masterful, hilarious, don't change a keystroke, and I'm so jealous."
Remember that, like you, I only review great work. The better the work, the longer the review--and this may be my longest review ever for that VERY reason.
Your writing inspires me and your friendship brings me great joy.
Curt
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Rachelle...
You truly are the goddess of writing great comedy (take THAT, Erma Bombeck). And you have outdone yourself this time!
Many of your stories are funny because of the way you tell them. This is your once-in-a-generation special gift of being the Erma Bombeck of the 21-st century.
But these two stories would be quite funny even if completely unembellished and narrated in a robotic-like monotone or delivered by a dog with a note in its mouth.
Add your special gift for comedy to two already funny stories--and Voila! I believe this may be the best piece of written comedy I have ever seen from you (and you KNOW how much I've loved many of your previous posts. Well done, Rachelle.
I am elated and SO unbelievably happy for you. Mark my words, this post will rock the FanStory world. Both stories are beyond HILARIOUS! You take LOL to a deafening volume and I am still laughing. Congratulations!
First of all, your L'Chaim opening as a simile is a perfect segue for this post. Well done.
If I were to list all of my favorites, I would be here all night so here are my Top 6 for the first story:
- I loved how you set up the, "ravenous school of piranhas" line seven paragraphs earlier with, "...engage in feeding frenzies, like piranhas do." It was the set up that made the delivery funny. You did the same thing with, "uber-stylish sunglasses adorned with gold prong-like accents..." as a set up to, "... become impaled on the prongs of my oh-so-stylish sunglasses" six paragraph later. Outstanding! Ditto for the, "barreling gust of wind" set up of "pop-up windstorm in the preceding paragraph. Great comedy is all about the set up, right?
- Scooped up, hip checked, and made a bee-line
- Powerful word/phrase choices: team player that I am, succumb to gravity, with unparalleled panic, become impaled on the prongs of my oh-so-stylish sunglasses, and defy all laws of Physics.
- (Question: was it better or worse that my bra and panties were leopard, as well?)
- This turn of events segued to a chorus of male voices, shouting, "I'LL GET IT!!" which was followed by stampeding footfalls that sounded like a herd of bison in a Zumba class (perhaps my favorite)
- The entire bit about Leah's reaction is hilarious. My favorite line in this bit is (To this day --and she's forty now-- compassion is still not this girl's strong suit.)
I cannot do the same with your Mrs. Chicken Hawk story. To do so would require 1-3 key word/phrase themes from each paragraph.
The Saturn dress in orbit story is all about set up and delivery, like a stand up comedy routine. But your masterfully-crafted use of irony, sarcasm, exaggeration, and point of view in virtually every paragraph of Mrs Chicken Hawk is stand alone funny. Like a series of jokes, every paragraph's humor is self-contained.
And you excel in both styles/genres of humor. Your natural talent for humor is truly exceptional, Rachelle.
In terms of edits and suggested improvements, here are a few "VERY picky" thoughts that may or may not be helpful. Take them, tweak them, or trash them as you see fit. Polishing something that already shines so brightly is optional and preference-driven. My questions are rhetorical and every bullet point begins with, "What do you think about..."
P = Paragraph / L = Line / S = Sentence
1. Edit: P-6 (The commitment), L-4 (girls. But...) - Delete, "it's that" to read, "anything about swimmers, they don't..."
2. Edit: P-6 (The commitment), L-4 (do. I watched) - Delete, "I attended" to read, "...at every meet and can swear..."
3. Question: What do you think about adding the word, "print" to read, "(Question: was it better or worse that my bra and panties were leopard print, as well?)
4. Edit: P-20 (Simultaneously), L-3 (hemline to) - Replace, "hear my knees" with "near my knees."
5. Note: P-27 (She lives), S-2 and S-3 - I love S-1 and S-4 and and am wondering if S-2 and S-3 should be deleted or rewritten. Deleting both would work or perhaps a point of view revision along the lines of, "People raise livestock (or chickens) in rural counties--not snooty suburbs (Snootyville?).
6. Edit: P-30 (I was in...), L-3 (door that leads...) - Delete, "inground pool, which, in turn, leads to the..." to read, "in front of the door that leads to the gate and fenced-in area...).
7. Suggested Reworking for Flow: P-30 (I was in...), end of last sentence - Change, "...with the Victorian playhouse that is the foofy chickens of Snootyville's residence to read something along the lines of, "...with the Victorian playhouse where the foofy chickens of Snootyville live/reside.
8. P-33 (She proceeded...), L-2 (like Bruce Jenner) - Delete, "and was a decathalete rather than a hair-and-make-up guru to read, "like Bruce Jenner back when he had a (before he surrendered/traded in his) y-chromosome."
9. Question: P-35 (Meanwhile, her...), Last sentence - I'm wondering if the parenthetical drooling line diminishes the impact of the preceding (and hilarious abyss/head shaking line. What about cutting it or perhaps something like "it wasn't his greatest lesson" or "I was definitely tempted to call the PTSD hotline" or... IDK?
10. Suggestion: P-36 (When his mother...), L-1 (same) - Replace, "brouhaha" with "attempted kidnapping" or "failed/thwarted abduction"
11. Suggestion: P-36 (When his mother...), L-1 (same) - Delete, "her silky blonde locks had transformed into slimy, matted serpents that slithered down her back, leaving muddy tracks on her pale pink athletic wear."
Sidebar: Using the word "liltingly" the way you did in P-31 may be my favorite word in the entire post, followed closely by your phrase, "out-polite ME, frickin-A dammit!" in P-32. Fabulous!
I trust these comments are helpful, Rachelle, at least for brief consideration and subsequent dismissal. You must know that every single word, phrase, line, sentence and paragraph not mentioned in these bullet points flooded my mind with tacit comments like, "perfect, masterful, hilarious, don't change a keystroke, and I'm so jealous."
Remember that, like you, I only review great work. The better the work, the longer the review--and this may be my longest review ever for that VERY reason.
Your writing inspires me and your friendship brings me great joy.
Curt
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Wow! And definitely one of the most extensive reviews I've ever RECEIVED, too...though the amazo Michele Harber, editor extraordinaire, has bestowed some seriously lengthy ones, too.
I'll print this out and "take the suggestions under advisement."
Thank you for the enthusiastic review!
Comment from lyenochka
Thank the Lord for giving you a sense of humor! And now we can all join you in the hilarity you found even in the awkward situation endangering the possibility that the piranhas might miss their feeding and witnessing the most bizarre chicken rescue by Mrs. New York! Love your humor!!
proper place hear my knees. (near?)
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Thank the Lord for giving you a sense of humor! And now we can all join you in the hilarity you found even in the awkward situation endangering the possibility that the piranhas might miss their feeding and witnessing the most bizarre chicken rescue by Mrs. New York! Love your humor!!
proper place hear my knees. (near?)
Comment Written 23-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2022
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Thanks for always making me feel as if I've entertained you the way I intended. And thanks for the "near/hear" catch, too. Always appreciate your keen eagle eye!! (maybe I should have said "hawk"...)
