Sexual harassment
Workplace harassment accusation takes surprising turn2 total reviews
Comment from Faith Williams
That was a surprising turn of events. I certainly didn't see that ending coming. A few things--the paragraph beginning, 'The carelessly orchestrated...' is rather long. You might want to consider breaking it up to help the flow. Also, 'the door opened tentatively and with hesitation' is redundant. I suggest picking one of those.
Thanks for sharing your story!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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That was a surprising turn of events. I certainly didn't see that ending coming. A few things--the paragraph beginning, 'The carelessly orchestrated...' is rather long. You might want to consider breaking it up to help the flow. Also, 'the door opened tentatively and with hesitation' is redundant. I suggest picking one of those.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2024
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THanks!!! I feel like you had a generally good reaction, so I'm happy now. If I have patience, I will go through and edit your suggestions in.
Comment from Jay Squires
This story has a lot going for it. It's humorous. The characters are interesting. The biggest problem I saw (and I'm reluctant to say it), is that it suffers a great deal from poor editing. I have a hunch you wrote this, then posted it without re-reading it. Rosalind's name changes to Rosalyn. You have the boss sitting down with his hands clasped behind him. These are careless mistakes that you would have caught if you read this aloud, slowly. Below, I've enumerated the errors I found as I read. My purpose is not to hurt your feelings, but to help you improve in your craft. Like I said in the beginning, your story does have a lot going for it. I'm hoping you can build on that. Here then are my points:
Yet, it was him who was in hot water [Yet it was HE who was in hot water.]
"Rosalind sauntered in, swiftly but hesitantly..." [Was it your intention to have Rosalind leave the door open? If so, I would add it to the narrative. Otherwise, the reader might, as I did, think the writer forgot to mention that she closed the door behind her. Those considerations are important.]
"So..." Scott spoke leaning back in his giant office chair, hands clasped together. [In the previous sentence you mentioned his arms, like hers were clasped behind him. Now, in this paragraph, I am led to believe his hands are clasped together behind his back while he is in his chair!]
"You don't have to do that..." Rosalyn mumbled. [Make sure you keep her name straight]
Please accept my critique and suggestions in the manner in which they were intended. My intent is not to hurt you.
Jay
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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This story has a lot going for it. It's humorous. The characters are interesting. The biggest problem I saw (and I'm reluctant to say it), is that it suffers a great deal from poor editing. I have a hunch you wrote this, then posted it without re-reading it. Rosalind's name changes to Rosalyn. You have the boss sitting down with his hands clasped behind him. These are careless mistakes that you would have caught if you read this aloud, slowly. Below, I've enumerated the errors I found as I read. My purpose is not to hurt your feelings, but to help you improve in your craft. Like I said in the beginning, your story does have a lot going for it. I'm hoping you can build on that. Here then are my points:
Yet, it was him who was in hot water [Yet it was HE who was in hot water.]
"Rosalind sauntered in, swiftly but hesitantly..." [Was it your intention to have Rosalind leave the door open? If so, I would add it to the narrative. Otherwise, the reader might, as I did, think the writer forgot to mention that she closed the door behind her. Those considerations are important.]
"So..." Scott spoke leaning back in his giant office chair, hands clasped together. [In the previous sentence you mentioned his arms, like hers were clasped behind him. Now, in this paragraph, I am led to believe his hands are clasped together behind his back while he is in his chair!]
"You don't have to do that..." Rosalyn mumbled. [Make sure you keep her name straight]
Please accept my critique and suggestions in the manner in which they were intended. My intent is not to hurt you.
Jay
Comment Written 21-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2022
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I read your input carefully and edited. Feel free to read it again and tell me what else you find.
