Quiet Lawyer
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Quiet Lawyer Chapter 19 D"Can a broken heart be mended?
23 total reviews
Comment from estory
This chapter seemed like a rudimentary tour of New York, until we get that conversation between Ali and Cord and we see her struggling to commit to the relationship and Cord trying to put her at ease and give her her space. He is perfectly defferential here; almost a bit too perfect. Then at the end is the introduction of some tension when the driver gives Cord his gun back and talks about being followed. Good build up of suspense there and we have to await your next chapter. estory
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
  |
This chapter seemed like a rudimentary tour of New York, until we get that conversation between Ali and Cord and we see her struggling to commit to the relationship and Cord trying to put her at ease and give her her space. He is perfectly defferential here; almost a bit too perfect. Then at the end is the introduction of some tension when the driver gives Cord his gun back and talks about being followed. Good build up of suspense there and we have to await your next chapter. estory
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review. Cord has figured out, no proof yet, that Alan was not good to Ali. He's willing to be patient.
Comment from eliz100
All your chapters are excellent, but this one had something extra so---the six stars. Maybe it was the carriage ride in NYC. I worked and lived in the city for some years. The sexual tension was palpable.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
 |
All your chapters are excellent, but this one had something extra so---the six stars. Maybe it was the carriage ride in NYC. I worked and lived in the city for some years. The sexual tension was palpable.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Every time I look at your top note, Barbara, I have a hard time remembering they've known each other for only 36 days. They pack a lot into a day! lol At last their admitting they have a deep connection, but how do they avoid even a kiss? I might suggest instead of Cordero saying simply, "Ali, please go to your room" it could be said with a little more emotion, a whisper, "Ali, I think you should go back to your room." It gives her an option instead of sounding like a command. Just a thought.
One little spag: "... and ended(ends - in keeping with the present tense used in the rest of the stentence) with a ride through Central Park."
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
|
Every time I look at your top note, Barbara, I have a hard time remembering they've known each other for only 36 days. They pack a lot into a day! lol At last their admitting they have a deep connection, but how do they avoid even a kiss? I might suggest instead of Cordero saying simply, "Ali, please go to your room" it could be said with a little more emotion, a whisper, "Ali, I think you should go back to your room." It gives her an option instead of sounding like a command. Just a thought.
One little spag: "... and ended(ends - in keeping with the present tense used in the rest of the stentence) with a ride through Central Park."
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review. Cord did order Ali to her room. In his mind, she didn't have a choice. The kiss will happen in the next post.
-
You're most welcome, Barbara. I guess I felt, if I were Alexandra, even if I understood the reason, I wouldn't like to be spoken to so abruptly. Just my thoughts. :)
-
She will address it in the next post. She is also used to being abused my Alan. Still getting her life back.
-
Okay, I understand. :)
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good writing.
It was decided Alexandra and Cordero - 'was decided' is passive. Would be better as active verb
world-famous fifth avenue passing - Fifth Avenue, or 5th Avenue
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
|
Good writing.
It was decided Alexandra and Cordero - 'was decided' is passive. Would be better as active verb
world-famous fifth avenue passing - Fifth Avenue, or 5th Avenue
Best wishes.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
I've struggled with that sentence. I think your suggestion is what it needed. Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.
Comment from lyenochka
Hooray! Both Ali and Cordero came to the closest to openly confess their love for each other. And you kept us in suspense with the wrinkles of how they can work out their different worlds and what to do about her ex who is following her.
Suggestions:
It's Ali and my life (Ali's)
He ran his hand through this short hair. (his?)
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
|
Hooray! Both Ali and Cordero came to the closest to openly confess their love for each other. And you kept us in suspense with the wrinkles of how they can work out their different worlds and what to do about her ex who is following her.
Suggestions:
It's Ali and my life (Ali's)
He ran his hand through this short hair. (his?)
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
Thank you for the catches. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Ric Myworld
You have me waiting, and not very patiently, knowing something big is about to happen. It takes me way back to an earlier story when it seemed like a chapter to set up something bigger. LOL. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
|
You have me waiting, and not very patiently, knowing something big is about to happen. It takes me way back to an earlier story when it seemed like a chapter to set up something bigger. LOL. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
I am setting up for something to happen. A little of it happens in the next chapter, but it's still setting up. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
That takes commitment, to stop the passionate embrace before it goes any further takes an enormous amount of willpower, of course the world would say, Why? I'm so glad that he did, he might have regretted it. As always your writing is so expressive Barbara, well done, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
|
That takes commitment, to stop the passionate embrace before it goes any further takes an enormous amount of willpower, of course the world would say, Why? I'm so glad that he did, he might have regretted it. As always your writing is so expressive Barbara, well done, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review and the understanding. I already know I'll take some hits for it.
-
Most welcome Barbara,
Comment from Sankey
Griffin is a real possessive, obsessive creep. You convey that well. Just one little tiny spag I think, today. Thanks for another great read. He ran his hand through [t]his short hair.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
|
Griffin is a real possessive, obsessive creep. You convey that well. Just one little tiny spag I think, today. Thanks for another great read. He ran his hand through [t]his short hair.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
Thank you for the catch. It has been taken care of. I appreciate the help.
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, lol, at least we had lips that brushed each other. Seriously, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know I've teased you about the various ways their first kiss was interrupted, but you know your characters at a level that I can't grasp, so I will go along with your astute knowledge of human nature. Your reader has a deeper respect now for Cordero's forebearance. If you had them kissing in chapter one, the reader would be expecting sex by now. Keep up the good work, Barbara!
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
|
Well, lol, at least we had lips that brushed each other. Seriously, I wouldn't have it any other way. I know I've teased you about the various ways their first kiss was interrupted, but you know your characters at a level that I can't grasp, so I will go along with your astute knowledge of human nature. Your reader has a deeper respect now for Cordero's forebearance. If you had them kissing in chapter one, the reader would be expecting sex by now. Keep up the good work, Barbara!
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2022
-
Thank you for the kind review and the understanding. I know I will take hits for it.
Comment from Brandon Clark
Great addition to what I'm sure is an excellent book. I'm relatively new and this was so good I hope to catch up on the previous installments soon. It's very intriguing and the dialogue is great. Great job and thanks for sharing!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
|
Great addition to what I'm sure is an excellent book. I'm relatively new and this was so good I hope to catch up on the previous installments soon. It's very intriguing and the dialogue is great. Great job and thanks for sharing!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
-
Welcome and thank you for the kind review. I do hope you drop by again.
