Children young and old
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Stupid Is as Stupid Does"Fun for all
34 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Very clever using antonyms at the front and back of your lines - makes perfect nonsense!
I liked the rhyming, but thought some of the lines were a little long thus ruining the flow of the poem.
Fun read - good luck.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
  |
Very clever using antonyms at the front and back of your lines - makes perfect nonsense!
I liked the rhyming, but thought some of the lines were a little long thus ruining the flow of the poem.
Fun read - good luck.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
-
Pam, thanks and you are so right. I have been working on that for hours and may just have to chuck some of them. Thank you Hon for your kind words as I feel this is just not up to what my standards are.. oh well, you can't win them all, but I sure appreciate your feedback my dear friend.
-
You don't have to chuck it, just go back and edit some of the lines to shorten and tighten it up a little. You have been doing a lot lately, maybe just slow down a little.
-
Thank you so much, as it is always nice to hear the feedback of such a caring friend.. i did a couple hours ago and I think it works now
-
Thank you so much, as it is always nice to hear the feedback of such a caring friend.. i did a couple hours ago and I think it works now
-
Thank you so much, as it is always nice to hear the feedback of such a caring friend.. i did a couple hours ago and I think it works now
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello fellow poet, a terrific Thursday to you. I enjoyed your poem, it had a nice flow to it and the rhymes were good. I think you did a great job on the writing prompt.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
|
Hello fellow poet, a terrific Thursday to you. I enjoyed your poem, it had a nice flow to it and the rhymes were good. I think you did a great job on the writing prompt.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
-
Thank you my friend for the very kind comments for my stupid poem.
They are truly appreciated!
Comment from papa55mike
They wanted a funny nonsense poem and this fits the bill. One thing I would suggest is to change the font to something a little easier to read.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
|
They wanted a funny nonsense poem and this fits the bill. One thing I would suggest is to change the font to something a little easier to read.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
-
Hello there papa Mike. Somehow you look like such a good guy I want to call you a papa bear. You look like that kind of a protector.
Thank you for your review and feedback. I have my changed my font and so many things this with this poem, that I am ready scrap it, but it is too late. I hope I have a decent font now. I truly treasure your feedback, so thank you.
Much appreciated my friend.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer (and potential mugging victim!)
This was a cute story - which had several fun, nonsense moments. Kudos!
My only negative is that the poem lacks a bit of 'flow'. A more consistent syllable count might help with that, and then taking your time to make sure the story reads clearly? There are a couple places where I had to stop and think a bit - never good! haha
Here's an example of what I mean:
A lone off duty cop, was patrolling the street
Drove by and stopped to help while starting the retreat
--> consider adding/changing so that more is explained -
A lone(,) off(-)duty cop, was patrolling the street
He drove by but stopped as I began to retreat
--> it's clearer who was retreating - see what I mean?
One more:
One sunny day on a night so very black
He came up from the front and stuck a gun in my back
--> evening out the syllable count and making a couple of small edits:
One sunny day on a night very black (-deleted 'so')
A mugger ahead stuck a gun in my back
--> see the difference?
Just a few changes as you go would help crystalize the images. Thanks - this for sure qualifies for the contest and was a lot of fun to read! You are welcome to agree with my comments and suggestions or ignore every one. haha! Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
 |
Dear Mystery Writer (and potential mugging victim!)
This was a cute story - which had several fun, nonsense moments. Kudos!
My only negative is that the poem lacks a bit of 'flow'. A more consistent syllable count might help with that, and then taking your time to make sure the story reads clearly? There are a couple places where I had to stop and think a bit - never good! haha
Here's an example of what I mean:
A lone off duty cop, was patrolling the street
Drove by and stopped to help while starting the retreat
--> consider adding/changing so that more is explained -
A lone(,) off(-)duty cop, was patrolling the street
He drove by but stopped as I began to retreat
--> it's clearer who was retreating - see what I mean?
One more:
One sunny day on a night so very black
He came up from the front and stuck a gun in my back
--> evening out the syllable count and making a couple of small edits:
One sunny day on a night very black (-deleted 'so')
A mugger ahead stuck a gun in my back
--> see the difference?
Just a few changes as you go would help crystalize the images. Thanks - this for sure qualifies for the contest and was a lot of fun to read! You are welcome to agree with my comments and suggestions or ignore every one. haha! Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2022
-
Robyn I love your feedback and some I was doing while you were reading. I had to release this before editing as I was running behind and maybe even missed the deadline. I'm going to look at your suggestions because I wasn't loving what I was seeing yet. Lol, Not a good sign .. thanks and I will get back to you to write a better thank you! : )
