Down for the Count
Old...but where's the glory?7 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I like that there isn't a single party line mentioned. It's left open except for the one thing all the divisiveness can agree on - that we need help and we need to restore and build unity in this country.
Congratulations on the win!!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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I like that there isn't a single party line mentioned. It's left open except for the one thing all the divisiveness can agree on - that we need help and we need to restore and build unity in this country.
Congratulations on the win!!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2022
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Exactly. It will require bi-lateral work.
Comment from Jill McCauslin
This was one depressing contest but your poem stood out. I liked it. I liked the sentiment and the actual poem. You followed the prompt and the structure. The only comment I have writing related is that using the word very in the second line is probably not the most effective word choice. Maybe I just remember my writing professor stressing how we should never use the word very.
The content and the graphic went together really well. Great job!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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This was one depressing contest but your poem stood out. I liked it. I liked the sentiment and the actual poem. You followed the prompt and the structure. The only comment I have writing related is that using the word very in the second line is probably not the most effective word choice. Maybe I just remember my writing professor stressing how we should never use the word very.
The content and the graphic went together really well. Great job!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2022
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You're very right. (haha. Like what I did there, Jill.) I actually agree with you, but I just couldn't come up with another two-syllable word I like any better. Really? That sounds like I'm 10. Oh-so? That sounds like I'm a Valley Girl or a Kardashian or something. So finally I decided that, truth be told, I AM "very" sad. So, after much struggle, I kept it. Not the most effective; you're right (as is your writing teacher), but effective enough, given the parameters.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review this and for your feedback. I'm glad you felt comfortable speaking up the way you did. That's how we'll improve.
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I know that as I was saying not to use very, I thought it would be tough to replace it with a different word. I'm glad to know using it was intentional!
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Sometimes, it's just what we have to use, I guess. Still, I appreciate your input very much...oops; I mean "a lot."
Comment from Write Right Writer
Exceptional work. Outstanding. Well done.
Your metaphorical reference to the red, white, and blue is truly exceptional. As opposed to the sense of celebratory pride and unity historically produced by this uniquely American combination of colors, your senryu repurposes red, white, and blue to evoke an array of powerful emotional responses related to danger and loss; fear, grief, shame, sadness, and despair. Against the backdrop of star-spangled patriotism, a somber and mournful dramatic tension is created. Orchids. Kudos. Props. Amazing!
Your piercing question, "How can we save us?" is indescribably better. Words fail to convey the angst-filled and despairing impact your profound question delivers by capturing the essence of this seemingly hopeless search for an existentially illusive answer to our current American reality.
In summary, you have my vote as this work is far and away the clear winner in the Political Senryu contest.
Blessings...
Curt (WRW)
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Exceptional work. Outstanding. Well done.
Your metaphorical reference to the red, white, and blue is truly exceptional. As opposed to the sense of celebratory pride and unity historically produced by this uniquely American combination of colors, your senryu repurposes red, white, and blue to evoke an array of powerful emotional responses related to danger and loss; fear, grief, shame, sadness, and despair. Against the backdrop of star-spangled patriotism, a somber and mournful dramatic tension is created. Orchids. Kudos. Props. Amazing!
Your piercing question, "How can we save us?" is indescribably better. Words fail to convey the angst-filled and despairing impact your profound question delivers by capturing the essence of this seemingly hopeless search for an existentially illusive answer to our current American reality.
In summary, you have my vote as this work is far and away the clear winner in the Political Senryu contest.
Blessings...
Curt (WRW)
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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My face is red, my white teeth are showing from my huge smile, and my eyes are very, very blue, because that is the color they turn when I am extremely happy! Thank you for this very complimentary review...and, of course, the extra star. Very much appreciated xo
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You are most welcome. It truly was my pleasure. I am still in awe of your stellar work on the senryu. I believe this is the best 5-7-5 poem I've ever read.
I loved your face, smile, eyes comment. Plus, I read your Madame Kindergarten Teacher post. You are on fire, gusto girl--a rock star writer on a roll (I love rock and roll). Keep up the outstanding work.
Blessings...
Curt (WRW)
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I've been told by FS that I've written too many private messages today, so I have no other way to contact you except here. You know how to contact me, though.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I'm not a political person. To me, politics is like sex. Don't nobody need to know what naughty things you do behind closed doors. That being said, this was tremendous. So few words yet such power. And I loved that you ended with what can we do. We, we, we. Not them. The responsibility falls on all of us. We'll done.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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I'm not a political person. To me, politics is like sex. Don't nobody need to know what naughty things you do behind closed doors. That being said, this was tremendous. So few words yet such power. And I loved that you ended with what can we do. We, we, we. Not them. The responsibility falls on all of us. We'll done.
Gretchen
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Love the analogy! I just hope next time I'm having sex it doesn't make me think of How Biden or Donald Trump! I fear that that would make me celibate forever!
Comment from Thomas Blanks
Very interesting creation for the contest. I had a lighter that read, "Red Neck, White Trash, Blue Collar," but my brother wanted it. So, I gave it to him. It fit him more than it did me. I'm more Red Snapper, White Collar, Blue Moon.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Very interesting creation for the contest. I had a lighter that read, "Red Neck, White Trash, Blue Collar," but my brother wanted it. So, I gave it to him. It fit him more than it did me. I'm more Red Snapper, White Collar, Blue Moon.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2022
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Well, at least you're color coordinated, you two!
Thanks for the fun review!
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
This is a well-written political senryu. I liked how you integrated the colors into this short piece. I would have made each phrase the color it was about...bloody red would be red...etc. The visual is stark and fits perfectly. Well-done entry. Good luck!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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This is a well-written political senryu. I liked how you integrated the colors into this short piece. I would have made each phrase the color it was about...bloody red would be red...etc. The visual is stark and fits perfectly. Well-done entry. Good luck!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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I thought about that, but Advanced Editing was not cooperating. I think I need to up my skills somehow! Thanks for the nice review.
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You are welcome.
You could just highlight each designated word and select the color and then don't forget to click save. It's well-done regardless.
Comment from LisaMay
Old...but where's the glory? is very appropriate these days, unfortunately. Your poem catches the sad reality of a nation divided by party politics, especially since the introduction of The Trump Party agenda... although others will see him as the saviour... and that is why you have the problem. (Glad I don't live there.)
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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Old...but where's the glory? is very appropriate these days, unfortunately. Your poem catches the sad reality of a nation divided by party politics, especially since the introduction of The Trump Party agenda... although others will see him as the saviour... and that is why you have the problem. (Glad I don't live there.)
Comment Written 21-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2022
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I don't know; I think it was his demeanor more than his politics that were his problem. We were in so much better shape, financially, militarily, educationally, and with energy-independence with him in charge. But he was so boorish and embarrassing with the way he treated anyone who disagreed with him that it was hard to support anything he stood for. Biden has made a mess of absolutely everything, yet his party insists nothing bad that's happened in the last two-and-a-half years is because of him or them. I just hate every aspect of politics. It's the dirtiest business there is.
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I agree Biden is hopeless. Politics has got such a bad name now that nobody trusts politicians to get us out of the mess, leaving the way clear for bullying dictators.
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Terrifyingly true.
