Mutant Frogs
Could it happen?22 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
This is a cute story and I liked the character of the eccentric aunt and the narrator who at first doubted. I also think you made us think it's possible considering all the chemicals we do put into the water that wildlife depend on. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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This is a cute story and I liked the character of the eccentric aunt and the narrator who at first doubted. I also think you made us think it's possible considering all the chemicals we do put into the water that wildlife depend on. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2022
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Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Fantasy is not my usual choice to write about but I thought I would give it a try. Hugs
Comment from Jay Squires
Very good first paragraph. You introduced, but withheld the mystery, and introduced the protagonist, Cindy, and an authority in Aunt Ruth that we don't know for sure is credible. Sometimes she clowns around.]
The dogs circled the water warily, then took off snorting and sniffing in a different direction. [Everyone knows (surely the reader knows) that dogs can intuit danger!] And you built us up for it nicely by Cindy's description of the pond with no pads or other vegetation, and no fish or frogs ... and so clear the pebbles could be seen on the bottom.]
We get the introduction of why there is no vegetation or life in the pond ... and it strikes this reader as something right out of a sci-fi movie of the 50s. I do believe you've read Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring"!
Then the introduction of the over-large tadpoles on the far side of the pond, one of which bites Cindy's hand when she tries to scoop it up.
with three heads and teeth. [I don't know that your intended meaning comes through here. Did each turtle have teeth? Or were there three teeth? To plant the image in the reader's mind it needs to be accurate.]
my Aunt's deceased husband; [I'm wondering at this point if there is a reason Aunt Ruth's husband (on two occasions) is NOT referred to as Cindy's uncle. If there is, then that's a great "plant". If not, however, I think you should use the expected "uncle".]
She called the dogs to go with us, and I thought it funny that they declined the invitation. [This supports the earlier observation]
I was dragged into a slimy frog hug. I tried to shove the frog off me, but it was stuck to me like velcro, [What a dramatic image!]
When winter comes, the frogs will hibernate or freeze, and we can be out of here before spring. [Here is something I would do. It's neither right nor better, just a difference in technique. Since this is a long paragraph comprised of one speaker's dialogue, and also, because there are two separate, but related topics -- the first being the family's strategy and the second being how the DNR (whatever that is) scoffs at them) -- I would separate the two topics with a physical action that attributes, the dialogue to Aunt Ruth. Something like and then open the final part of the dialogue with a new open quote. The effect gives the reader a breath to gather together what she HAD said, and prepare for the new information. Again, there isn't one thing wrong with the way you've done it. It might even be better based on what follows. Just offering my experience.]
I got home from my shift at Walmart late one night, [I noticed, beginning with this sentence something that sets you far apart from a less experienced writer. Everything that preceded this sentence, all the way to the beginning had a strong feeling of being in the past and in that sense, generalized. Starting with this sentence, though, you gather the reader in and hold him/her next to you, or even internalize the reader so she/he is looking out through your eyes, feeling with your emotions. That's why this portion is stretched out and very specific in image.
I still looked longingly at those extra-large frog legs, though. [Beautiful comic relief]
I pull into the garage, close the door, and shut the car off. [Normally, I would tear into the writer for shifting tenses ... but here, I believe you did it with your eyes wide open. And it's effective.]
And a dynamic last sentence it is! If this doesn't turn some of the eyes of the committee, I don't know my Sci-fi! Good luck with the contest.
Jay
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Very good first paragraph. You introduced, but withheld the mystery, and introduced the protagonist, Cindy, and an authority in Aunt Ruth that we don't know for sure is credible. Sometimes she clowns around.]
The dogs circled the water warily, then took off snorting and sniffing in a different direction. [Everyone knows (surely the reader knows) that dogs can intuit danger!] And you built us up for it nicely by Cindy's description of the pond with no pads or other vegetation, and no fish or frogs ... and so clear the pebbles could be seen on the bottom.]
We get the introduction of why there is no vegetation or life in the pond ... and it strikes this reader as something right out of a sci-fi movie of the 50s. I do believe you've read Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring"!
Then the introduction of the over-large tadpoles on the far side of the pond, one of which bites Cindy's hand when she tries to scoop it up.
with three heads and teeth. [I don't know that your intended meaning comes through here. Did each turtle have teeth? Or were there three teeth? To plant the image in the reader's mind it needs to be accurate.]
my Aunt's deceased husband; [I'm wondering at this point if there is a reason Aunt Ruth's husband (on two occasions) is NOT referred to as Cindy's uncle. If there is, then that's a great "plant". If not, however, I think you should use the expected "uncle".]
She called the dogs to go with us, and I thought it funny that they declined the invitation. [This supports the earlier observation]
I was dragged into a slimy frog hug. I tried to shove the frog off me, but it was stuck to me like velcro, [What a dramatic image!]
When winter comes, the frogs will hibernate or freeze, and we can be out of here before spring. [Here is something I would do. It's neither right nor better, just a difference in technique. Since this is a long paragraph comprised of one speaker's dialogue, and also, because there are two separate, but related topics -- the first being the family's strategy and the second being how the DNR (whatever that is) scoffs at them) -- I would separate the two topics with a physical action that attributes, the dialogue to Aunt Ruth. Something like
I got home from my shift at Walmart late one night, [I noticed, beginning with this sentence something that sets you far apart from a less experienced writer. Everything that preceded this sentence, all the way to the beginning had a strong feeling of being in the past and in that sense, generalized. Starting with this sentence, though, you gather the reader in and hold him/her next to you, or even internalize the reader so she/he is looking out through your eyes, feeling with your emotions. That's why this portion is stretched out and very specific in image.
I still looked longingly at those extra-large frog legs, though. [Beautiful comic relief]
I pull into the garage, close the door, and shut the car off. [Normally, I would tear into the writer for shifting tenses ... but here, I believe you did it with your eyes wide open. And it's effective.]
And a dynamic last sentence it is! If this doesn't turn some of the eyes of the committee, I don't know my Sci-fi! Good luck with the contest.
Jay
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you. I don't consider myself an experienced writer, but I keep practicing. Mostly, a story gets rolling through my mind and I just write. Thank you for all your informative comments and the six stars. Both were appreciated. Hugs.
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If that's the case, I'm even more impressed and you are, indeed, a natural!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your setting has the reader raising up and stretching to look beyond the cornstalks. Now the reader is sitting back down but on the edge of their seat: "Now they are here, and we may be in serious trouble." But the reader is unsure whether to relax or not:
"I figured she was pulling my leg again--she had to be." A great statement: " Some of those cleaning agents were nasty but necessary for the sanitation of the milking area." This is excellent: "I scooped my hands under the tadpoles with the intent of capturing one and got the surprise of my life." This reminds me a bit like the old movie The Birds. eeek. This is brilliant. the ending just had to be...lol A+
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Your setting has the reader raising up and stretching to look beyond the cornstalks. Now the reader is sitting back down but on the edge of their seat: "Now they are here, and we may be in serious trouble." But the reader is unsure whether to relax or not:
"I figured she was pulling my leg again--she had to be." A great statement: " Some of those cleaning agents were nasty but necessary for the sanitation of the milking area." This is excellent: "I scooped my hands under the tadpoles with the intent of capturing one and got the surprise of my life." This reminds me a bit like the old movie The Birds. eeek. This is brilliant. the ending just had to be...lol A+
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you, and thanks for the six stars. Some of the story is true. There really is a pond where the chemicals from the milkhouse drained into, and nothing grew in, or around it. I really did see some tadpoles in the pond just before I left the farm for good. I did tell my neice, Cindy, there would be mutant frogs. The rest was fiction, of course. Hugs.
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I did somehow knew the pond stuff was true. & we have seen how toxicity has causes mutations in poor frogs. Not huge, just deformed
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a great entry for the contest, PBB. I love the mutant pollywogs and then the mutant frogs. I don't guess I would like frog's legs enough to try to kill one of those if they were the size of a fox, lol. Loved it! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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This is a great entry for the contest, PBB. I love the mutant pollywogs and then the mutant frogs. I don't guess I would like frog's legs enough to try to kill one of those if they were the size of a fox, lol. Loved it! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you. My neice would try to kill one, though. Frog legs are one of her favorite foods. Hugs.
Comment from Terry Broxson
This is a good entry for this contest, good luck. For a quick write, this is very well done. The story flowed well and the transformation of the frogs was believable. The ending was good. Excellent job! I was curious about what the DNR stood for. Terry.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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This is a good entry for this contest, good luck. For a quick write, this is very well done. The story flowed well and the transformation of the frogs was believable. The ending was good. Excellent job! I was curious about what the DNR stood for. Terry.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you. DNR is the Department of Natural Resources. It is commonly called DNR. Glad you enjoyed my quick writing. Hugs
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I thought that is what it meant, but it varies by state, so was not sure. thanks, Terry
Comment from Fleedleflump
lol, this was lots of fun and those frogs would definitely freak me out! This feels as much horror as fantasy and that works well as a mash up. The ending was not a surprise, but that made it more fun :-).
Mike
Spag notes:
'"If you have a better suggestion, let me know," my Aunt replied. Those critters are enormous' - missing speech marks before 'Those'
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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lol, this was lots of fun and those frogs would definitely freak me out! This feels as much horror as fantasy and that works well as a mash up. The ending was not a surprise, but that made it more fun :-).
Mike
Spag notes:
'"If you have a better suggestion, let me know," my Aunt replied. Those critters are enormous' - missing speech marks before 'Those'
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you, and thanks for catching the oops. I will edit and correct. There actually is a pond where the chemicals from the milkhouse flowed into. It's on the farm my husband and I used to own. It was barren of all life until I spotted some tadpoles in there just before I moved away. I haven't seen any mutant frogs yet, but who knows? Hugs.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That would make a great film. Scary, horror film! I wouldn't have stayed in the house by the pond, I'd have got out of there as fast as possible. This is wonderful fantasy story, (I hope it stays a fantasy, too.) I wrote a story once about rabbits that scared a man to death. Since then, even though I wrote it, I've not liked rabbits, now frogs will join the list of horror animals!! Lol. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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That would make a great film. Scary, horror film! I wouldn't have stayed in the house by the pond, I'd have got out of there as fast as possible. This is wonderful fantasy story, (I hope it stays a fantasy, too.) I wrote a story once about rabbits that scared a man to death. Since then, even though I wrote it, I've not liked rabbits, now frogs will join the list of horror animals!! Lol. Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 17-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you. There actaully is such a pond on the farm where my husband and I milked cows. I did spot some tadpoles there just before leaving the home. No mutant frogs yet, but who knows? Hugs
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
(normal) frogs have always been a huge issue for my children and hence for the adults in the family. Thus, I have no problems picturing dangerous, man-eating frogs, and enjoyed the nudge to my imagination from your story. Kate xx
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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(normal) frogs have always been a huge issue for my children and hence for the adults in the family. Thus, I have no problems picturing dangerous, man-eating frogs, and enjoyed the nudge to my imagination from your story. Kate xx
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Thank you. I wish I could have had more time to flesh the story out, but maybe later. Glad you enjoyed the goofy thing. Hugs
Comment from TDLRasmar
Nice job. I thought it was very entertaining and an easy read. I haven't read the other entries, but would think you would do well. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Nice job. I thought it was very entertaining and an easy read. I haven't read the other entries, but would think you would do well. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. A lot of farmers did run chemicals into ponds in earlier years. It was a common thing. Hugs.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your contest entry, Prettybluebirds.
You aptly described a scary situation where actions of one's
past may come back to haunt their here and now and future.
Yours word choices were strong, and the action flowed well.
The characters were well-defined. I would've been too scared
to look out the window. I'd just run for the car with my pets and
leave for good.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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You did a great job with your contest entry, Prettybluebirds.
You aptly described a scary situation where actions of one's
past may come back to haunt their here and now and future.
Yours word choices were strong, and the action flowed well.
The characters were well-defined. I would've been too scared
to look out the window. I'd just run for the car with my pets and
leave for good.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2022
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Thank you. I'm surprised this was any good at all. It was a rush job between other things I had to do. I never got it edited either and just tossed it in at the last minute. Not a thing I like to do. Hugs.
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