Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 71 " A Writers Reprimand"Musings of an old man - 2022
31 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Your rhythm flowed and I loved the words you chose.
Excellent entry for the Sonnet Poetry Contest. You grasped the sonnet form well. Nice presentation. Your descriptive words flow well expressing clear imagery.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid." - Atticus
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Your rhythm flowed and I loved the words you chose.
Excellent entry for the Sonnet Poetry Contest. You grasped the sonnet form well. Nice presentation. Your descriptive words flow well expressing clear imagery.
Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid." - Atticus
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you .. making the baby steps with sonnets!
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed your sonnet, Jim! You're brave to take on this form as I know you are more a free verse poet without the nagging needs of meter. I appreciate your metaphor of visual art and what it speaks to the poet in continuing to revise and write. Best wishes in the contest!
He used unique brushes combined with paints, (brushes is a trochee)
Duchamp sat on top uncut slabs, you know (two places are trochaic)
Maestros, each one inspired, excelled in art (Maestros is trochaic)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Enjoyed your sonnet, Jim! You're brave to take on this form as I know you are more a free verse poet without the nagging needs of meter. I appreciate your metaphor of visual art and what it speaks to the poet in continuing to revise and write. Best wishes in the contest!
He used unique brushes combined with paints, (brushes is a trochee)
Duchamp sat on top uncut slabs, you know (two places are trochaic)
Maestros, each one inspired, excelled in art (Maestros is trochaic)
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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lyenochka - what a friend, precisely what I was seeking for guidance. Your are the best, thank you!
Comment from nomi338
Without mistakes, missteps, or misconceptions, where would the perfectionist find his inspiration to look down upon lesser beings. Those of us who cannot avoid making mistakes provide the perfect ones fuel for feeling superior. So, let's hear it for the losers, we are the perfect foils for those with superior talents.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Without mistakes, missteps, or misconceptions, where would the perfectionist find his inspiration to look down upon lesser beings. Those of us who cannot avoid making mistakes provide the perfect ones fuel for feeling superior. So, let's hear it for the losers, we are the perfect foils for those with superior talents.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Nomi, as I have always said, 'tis good to fail ...but remember to fail forward!
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Hear, hear!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am a fan of sonnets, and this contest entry certainly didn't disappoint me. I enjoyed the flow and the message. Thank you for sharing this entry but the author's notes. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I am a fan of sonnets, and this contest entry certainly didn't disappoint me. I enjoyed the flow and the message. Thank you for sharing this entry but the author's notes. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thanks, I continue to take baby steps in this poetic genre and stumble often.
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
First, a wish for you to do well in this sonnet contest. I love how you compared the creativity of painting with that of writing. The last two sentences are very well constructed and wonderful advice. This is an excellent poem, a genuine nugget.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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First, a wish for you to do well in this sonnet contest. I love how you compared the creativity of painting with that of writing. The last two sentences are very well constructed and wonderful advice. This is an excellent poem, a genuine nugget.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Verna you humble with your gracious positivity, thank you!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I enjoyed this very much Jim. But like you I struggle. With me it's counting. And I did it several times, but the average I came up with was 11 syllables for the last line of stanza 3:
Mistakes are bound to happen and tear the heart
Is that deliberate? It seems from the words it may have been intentional. Kate xx
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I enjoyed this very much Jim. But like you I struggle. With me it's counting. And I did it several times, but the average I came up with was 11 syllables for the last line of stanza 3:
Mistakes are bound to happen and tear the heart
Is that deliberate? It seems from the words it may have been intentional. Kate xx
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Hi Kate, ugh, I do struggle with the meter. I rewrote this line as follows: Mistakes are bound to come but tear the heart! I smile back 🤗🎶🎶🎶
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sounds lovely. Good luck in the contest. K
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are thought provoking, interesting, had a message,
and are descriptive and creative. I liked the last two line of the author's poem which conveyed to me to never give up! The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is awesome and compliments these words.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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The author's words are thought provoking, interesting, had a message,
and are descriptive and creative. I liked the last two line of the author's poem which conveyed to me to never give up! The poem flows and connects well. The artwork is awesome and compliments these words.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Thank you! 🎶🎶🎶
Comment from Rhodesia
Indeed, poetry and other forms of art like painting or sculpture are but expressions of the soul. But sometimes the soul speaks so softly only the pen can hear it. Just let it be, who knows, our most unloved poem may light a spark in a reader's heart on the other end of the world. Missed the virtuosos, thank yoi for citing them.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Indeed, poetry and other forms of art like painting or sculpture are but expressions of the soul. But sometimes the soul speaks so softly only the pen can hear it. Just let it be, who knows, our most unloved poem may light a spark in a reader's heart on the other end of the world. Missed the virtuosos, thank yoi for citing them.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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Rhodesia, so well written are your kind words!
Comment from Sally Law
I am sick for a six today for this marvelous poem! I am mostly inspired by the writing on FanStory and honing my craft here. A pleasure to read you and learn more, Jay.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal :))
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I am sick for a six today for this marvelous poem! I am mostly inspired by the writing on FanStory and honing my craft here. A pleasure to read you and learn more, Jay.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest,
Sal :))
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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SAL, I am very grateful for your continued positive remarks, J
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I applaud your initiative of researching parts of this work, yet don't you fear too few readers will understand the message you are trying to impart? I like Shakespeare's plays more than his sonnets for the rhythm of those I find are better when I read the odd numbered lines of each verse then the even, and continue through to the end. Let's see.... be back in a sec. Yes, even here, it works I read it 1-3-2-4-5-7-6-8-9-11-10-12 and close.
Your thoughts?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I applaud your initiative of researching parts of this work, yet don't you fear too few readers will understand the message you are trying to impart? I like Shakespeare's plays more than his sonnets for the rhythm of those I find are better when I read the odd numbered lines of each verse then the even, and continue through to the end. Let's see.... be back in a sec. Yes, even here, it works I read it 1-3-2-4-5-7-6-8-9-11-10-12 and close.
Your thoughts?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
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I concur! Tom, struggle as I do with sonnet making, I am profoundly grateful for your kind input ...
