Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 71 " A Writers Reprimand"Musings of an old man - 2022
31 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I am totally breathless! This is an amazing sonnet and I sincerely hope you win the contest! You nailed the metre and rhymes and I adore the sentiments too. Does this mean you will be writing more sonnets for me to praise? This is a wonderful write and I am sorry I don't have a six left for you because this most definitely deserves one. I very much enjoyed this write, I am blown away by your well chosen words here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
  |
I am totally breathless! This is an amazing sonnet and I sincerely hope you win the contest! You nailed the metre and rhymes and I adore the sentiments too. Does this mean you will be writing more sonnets for me to praise? This is a wonderful write and I am sorry I don't have a six left for you because this most definitely deserves one. I very much enjoyed this write, I am blown away by your well chosen words here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 11-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
OMG! Dolly I am blushing, to receive this validation from the Angel of Sonnets on FanStory I am thrilled. (❤´艸｀❤)
-
I only wish I had a six for you as you did such an amazing job here. I will be expecting more sonnets from you now, love Dolly x
Comment from Raul1
I like the last two verses that I can learn how to handle and believe in my writing. This is very good advice. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Very poetic. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
|
I like the last two verses that I can learn how to handle and believe in my writing. This is very good advice. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Very poetic. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
Raulm thank you!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Wow. It reads like a Shakespearean poem because you used old fashioned words like "therein" and "methinks". Since you ask for feedbacks, I have two:
1. You used "inspired" twice.
2. I'm not sure "hardnosed" is the right meter. It's more Trochaic the iambic.
Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
|
Wow. It reads like a Shakespearean poem because you used old fashioned words like "therein" and "methinks". Since you ask for feedbacks, I have two:
1. You used "inspired" twice.
2. I'm not sure "hardnosed" is the right meter. It's more Trochaic the iambic.
Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
Jasmine good input, thank you! Using the word rhyming dictionary hardnosed passes. I did change one inspired.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
This is a wonderful sonnet and a strong contest submission.
I love the references to three renowned artists in their own right.
You let your muse inspire you to pick up your quill and pen this verse using Shakespearian type language.
I have never understood his work without translation assistance, but the way you have composed his style, the message came shinning through, listen to your muse!
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
|
This is a wonderful sonnet and a strong contest submission.
I love the references to three renowned artists in their own right.
You let your muse inspire you to pick up your quill and pen this verse using Shakespearian type language.
I have never understood his work without translation assistance, but the way you have composed his style, the message came shinning through, listen to your muse!
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
K.L.Thank you for your positive validation.
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
We have all been there, this is our past and present. We cannot run away from it. However, In the end, the end product of the hours of editing and proofreading soothes and clears all our grief.
A lovely sonnet for the contest. My best wishes at that.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
|
We have all been there, this is our past and present. We cannot run away from it. However, In the end, the end product of the hours of editing and proofreading soothes and clears all our grief.
A lovely sonnet for the contest. My best wishes at that.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
Thank you for this validation!
Comment from jake cosmos aller
A great, brilliant Shakespearian sonnet. You nailed the form, even mirrored the language as it has an Elizabethan English feel to it. I like the next to last stanza the best
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
|
A great, brilliant Shakespearian sonnet. You nailed the form, even mirrored the language as it has an Elizabethan English feel to it. I like the next to last stanza the best
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
Jake ... man do I thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
The image for your sonnet is interesting, JLR, and historical
on its own. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. Sonnets are
difficult to predict with their varied forms--at least to me. I
understand the theme of yours, and it's well-expressed. Those
unfamiliar words (not in definition, but pronunciation, made it
difficult for me to even try to discern the meter). However,
that's not your fault. On line 13, I wouldn't repeat the word
mistakes so close to its first use. The notes were informative.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes, Jan
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
|
The image for your sonnet is interesting, JLR, and historical
on its own. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. Sonnets are
difficult to predict with their varied forms--at least to me. I
understand the theme of yours, and it's well-expressed. Those
unfamiliar words (not in definition, but pronunciation, made it
difficult for me to even try to discern the meter). However,
that's not your fault. On line 13, I wouldn't repeat the word
mistakes so close to its first use. The notes were informative.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes, Jan
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
Jan, Thank you for thorough review and comments. I have made a change with the repeated words inspired and mistakes. Best always,
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Jim!
A fine sonnet that resonates deeply with me! I, too, struggle with meter, but I am determined - as are you - to engage my heart, and soul, and think!
One thought - just as an aside:
The following line does not scan for me as iambic pentameter:
Resume, yours truly, with your pen and ink:
-/ -/- - / / - /
May I suggest:
Resume, yours truly, choose a pen and ink:
-/ -/- / - / - /
or something like that. I could be off base, but I hope I have helped!
Best Wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
|
Hello, Jim!
A fine sonnet that resonates deeply with me! I, too, struggle with meter, but I am determined - as are you - to engage my heart, and soul, and think!
One thought - just as an aside:
The following line does not scan for me as iambic pentameter:
Resume, yours truly, with your pen and ink:
-/ -/- - / / - /
May I suggest:
Resume, yours truly, choose a pen and ink:
-/ -/- / - / - /
or something like that. I could be off base, but I hope I have helped!
Best Wishes!
diane
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2022
-
Diane, THANK YOU!! You are spot on, the culprit was yours truly, throwing off the meter.
resolved with: Resume your craft, proceed with quill and ink,
-
So pleased I could be of help. I must have scanned that line seven times! Always hesitant to give such advice, but my "tapping fingers" just couldn't make it work! Now your offering is pristine!
Best Wishes!
diane
-
Diane, Smiles and a big hug of thanks!
Comment from dragonpoet
JLR,
The inspiration of the artwork used is seen in the words. I like how you shows other artist's inspiration for their work.
I share your struggle with meter.
Keep writing and stay heatlhy.
Good luck in the contest.
Joan
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
|
JLR,
The inspiration of the artwork used is seen in the words. I like how you shows other artist's inspiration for their work.
I share your struggle with meter.
Keep writing and stay heatlhy.
Good luck in the contest.
Joan
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
-
Joan, thank you for these kind words and support~
Comment from royowen
Well done with this one Jim, it's really interesting how you inspirationally picked up your pen and wrote about these things. You've done a superb Bob with it. I love the information you've provided and some of the diverse types of art they were gifted in. We don't realise how many art-forms there are, beautifully written My friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
|
Well done with this one Jim, it's really interesting how you inspirationally picked up your pen and wrote about these things. You've done a superb Bob with it. I love the information you've provided and some of the diverse types of art they were gifted in. We don't realise how many art-forms there are, beautifully written My friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 10-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2022
-
Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I value every ones feedback.
-
Most welcome
