Tales of our Times
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Scroll Down"Collection of short stories
9 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good story. Good job.
I got confused, though. Jake sounded ignorant, then admitted to perfect knowledge. Jake asked if men ever met their progeny, and then conceded that he'd met his own. It doesn't sound likely that adults are restricted to a five year meeting schedule.
Is 'Poppy' the same as grandfather?
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Good story. Good job.
I got confused, though. Jake sounded ignorant, then admitted to perfect knowledge. Jake asked if men ever met their progeny, and then conceded that he'd met his own. It doesn't sound likely that adults are restricted to a five year meeting schedule.
Is 'Poppy' the same as grandfather?
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Thanks for reading zanya
Comment from Wendy G
An interesting and thought-provoking story. And yes - one wonders about the later thoughts of donors - do they wish to know? Have they spent their lives wondering if they had other children? Have they looked for similarities to themselves in people they meet? So many questions. So few answers. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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An interesting and thought-provoking story. And yes - one wonders about the later thoughts of donors - do they wish to know? Have they spent their lives wondering if they had other children? Have they looked for similarities to themselves in people they meet? So many questions. So few answers. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Yes it's a topic for our times-thanks for sharing zanya
Comment from royowen
How sad, but I suspect not irreconcilable, but for the story it is, and Doug senior is regretting telling his dad, but more than that, fulfilling his old dad's desire, but I think you should mention why he's no here in five years, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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How sad, but I suspect not irreconcilable, but for the story it is, and Doug senior is regretting telling his dad, but more than that, fulfilling his old dad's desire, but I think you should mention why he's no here in five years, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Great review zanya
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Welcome
Comment from jessizero
This story was touching and entertaining. It's not an impossible situation, but it is surprising. Surprising the reader is a good thing. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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This story was touching and entertaining. It's not an impossible situation, but it is surprising. Surprising the reader is a good thing. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Thanks for reading zanya
Comment from John Ciarmello
This is a touching and warm entry for the contest. I have to say I don't know much about being a sperm donor and wasn't aware they were able to meet their offspring. That is not the road, if a donor myself, would have an interest in traveling down. I wish you much success with the contest. Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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This is a touching and warm entry for the contest. I have to say I don't know much about being a sperm donor and wasn't aware they were able to meet their offspring. That is not the road, if a donor myself, would have an interest in traveling down. I wish you much success with the contest. Best, JohnC
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Thanks for those interesting comments zanya
Comment from TDLRasmar
I liked your story. You told it clearly and understandably. I haven't read any others in your contest, so can't say how you will do. There is one line "Saturday outings to the local cricket grounds," when I read it I thought it was awkward. I would change 'to' to 'at.' Having said that, I should say grammar was not my best subject. Also, I would have liked more of an ending. But sometimes that is hard given the time constraints in contests.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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I liked your story. You told it clearly and understandably. I haven't read any others in your contest, so can't say how you will do. There is one line "Saturday outings to the local cricket grounds," when I read it I thought it was awkward. I would change 'to' to 'at.' Having said that, I should say grammar was not my best subject. Also, I would have liked more of an ending. But sometimes that is hard given the time constraints in contests.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Thanks for sharing zanya
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces Doug's yearning to see and possibly hug his grandchild before his imminent demise.
The work highlights his prodding of Jake that is obviously geared towards the realisation his dream; and his coming face to face with the grievous fact that an embrace with his grandchild; given the circumstances stated by his son, Jake might be a wild goose chase.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with the inclination of grandparents to see their grandchildren before their demise.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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The objective correlative of your work reminisces Doug's yearning to see and possibly hug his grandchild before his imminent demise.
The work highlights his prodding of Jake that is obviously geared towards the realisation his dream; and his coming face to face with the grievous fact that an embrace with his grandchild; given the circumstances stated by his son, Jake might be a wild goose chase.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of anecdotes synonymous with the inclination of grandparents to see their grandchildren before their demise.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Thanks for reading zanya
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Remain Blessed.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
The flow of this piece is good. The language is warm and conversational. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point. The realistic lack of resolution adds to the poignancy of the piece. The characters have a realistic, down to earth feel.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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The flow of this piece is good. The language is warm and conversational. The images are clear. The narrative stays on point. The realistic lack of resolution adds to the poignancy of the piece. The characters have a realistic, down to earth feel.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Great reveiw zanya
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You are welcome and thanks for the reviewing contest vote.
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
Wow, this was a great post. And the grandfather wanting to see his grandson. Then the son takes a deep look into his father's eyes. In other words, you are looking at me and seeing him. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Wow, this was a great post. And the grandfather wanting to see his grandson. Then the son takes a deep look into his father's eyes. In other words, you are looking at me and seeing him. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2022
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Great reveiw zanya
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You are welcome.
