The Sperm Donor, Linda's Story
Part III of IV27 total reviews
Comment from Annmuma
Well, we talked about this one before you posted it and my opinion has not changed. This entire series is well-written and, certainly, this post is evidence. Excellent job, Terry. Our should I say 'outstanding' -- no question, it is a sixer! ann
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Well, we talked about this one before you posted it and my opinion has not changed. This entire series is well-written and, certainly, this post is evidence. Excellent job, Terry. Our should I say 'outstanding' -- no question, it is a sixer! ann
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Ann, thank you so much for the sixer!!! The final chapter goes up tomorrow. Terry.
Comment from Fleedleflump
This was another solid instalment, and it was fun to see the perspective of his team working on the case. It does seem to vary a tad between past and present tense, and I felt disconnected until we got into the conversation. There's a specific bit near the end in past tense, when the conversation has all been in present:
'Chet smiled at Betty and Sam.'
I very much enjoyed the read.
Mike
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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This was another solid instalment, and it was fun to see the perspective of his team working on the case. It does seem to vary a tad between past and present tense, and I felt disconnected until we got into the conversation. There's a specific bit near the end in past tense, when the conversation has all been in present:
'Chet smiled at Betty and Sam.'
I very much enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Mike, thank you for the review. I need to take a look at the tense thing. This is a first for me at longer fiction, and I am learning as I go. Thanks, Terry.
Comment from Wendy G
Another interesting development in the sperm donor series - and this one is very relevant to today's issues, and the expansion of sperm donation into wider circles. Realistically, he probably wouldn't be able to access information about them as the laws were different at that time - but of course he is a "super-lawyer"! Well written.
Wendy
Typo:"The third member of Sam's (inter) circle..." change to "inner".
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Another interesting development in the sperm donor series - and this one is very relevant to today's issues, and the expansion of sperm donation into wider circles. Realistically, he probably wouldn't be able to access information about them as the laws were different at that time - but of course he is a "super-lawyer"! Well written.
Wendy
Typo:"The third member of Sam's (inter) circle..." change to "inner".
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Wendy, thank you for the review, and thanks for catching the edit, I need all the help I can get. Terry.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a sad outcome to his attempt to find his child by Linda. He apparently couldn't pass on a longer life to either of them. Susan was a better story. It's great she benefitted from his Supreme Court argument. Will we learn if she knew who gave her the chance to marry? Two thing you might want to look at: . . . (inner) circle is Betty. . . and . . . bend (to) a few to find out l . . .
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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This is a sad outcome to his attempt to find his child by Linda. He apparently couldn't pass on a longer life to either of them. Susan was a better story. It's great she benefitted from his Supreme Court argument. Will we learn if she knew who gave her the chance to marry? Two thing you might want to look at: . . . (inner) circle is Betty. . . and . . . bend (to) a few to find out l . . .
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Carol, thank you for reading and catching a couple of edits, Terry.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This episode clears up some things for me. I had wondered why Sam waited until he was an older man before trying to find out about his sperm donations. Now we know. He and his now deceased wife had no children. Susan's story should be interesting. See you in the next episode.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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This episode clears up some things for me. I had wondered why Sam waited until he was an older man before trying to find out about his sperm donations. Now we know. He and his now deceased wife had no children. Susan's story should be interesting. See you in the next episode.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thank you, the next and final story posts on Friday. Terry.
Comment from royowen
I think if I were rich, had no children, and been a sperm donor, had no worthy family, I would do the same same as our protagonist here, I think this is one if the best uniquely original plots I've ever read Terry, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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I think if I were rich, had no children, and been a sperm donor, had no worthy family, I would do the same same as our protagonist here, I think this is one if the best uniquely original plots I've ever read Terry, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Roy, dang, coming from you, I am honored! Thank you.
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It?s true
Comment from lyenochka
Well, the story keeps getting more and more interesting! All the scenarios feel very plausible and realistic! I wonder how he will approach this last ex-girlfriend.
By the way, this is almost a dialogue-only post which moves it along nicely. However, I noticed that only Betty gets a speech tag as in:
Betty says, "Linda was a college girlfriend?" (could be "asks" instead of "says".) Interesting that you use the present tense in the storytelling - makes it feel more script-like.
The last part of all the dialogue might need some identification as to who is speaking since there are three speakers.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Well, the story keeps getting more and more interesting! All the scenarios feel very plausible and realistic! I wonder how he will approach this last ex-girlfriend.
By the way, this is almost a dialogue-only post which moves it along nicely. However, I noticed that only Betty gets a speech tag as in:
Betty says, "Linda was a college girlfriend?" (could be "asks" instead of "says".) Interesting that you use the present tense in the storytelling - makes it feel more script-like.
The last part of all the dialogue might need some identification as to who is speaking since there are three speakers.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thanks for the review Helen, I will look at the issues you suggest. Terry.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written.
Nice to have bucks enough to bless people.
Also nice to learn you didn't spawn a serial rapist or mass murderer.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Well written.
Nice to have bucks enough to bless people.
Also nice to learn you didn't spawn a serial rapist or mass murderer.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Wayne, you know spending buck in fiction is pretty dang easy, Thank you for the review. Terry.
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Hah!
I should make Ohmie rich, see what 'he' would do with wealth.
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He should have rich from all those things he worked on, maybe he could get one to pay off for him, LOL,
Comment from Susan Newell
Terry,
Great job. What an interesting turn of events, and you have really set us up for some potential with Susan's story. I noticed you slipped into the present tense a few times. You may want to take a look at that.
Sue
At age Seventy-six, he felt -- typo with the capital S
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Terry,
Great job. What an interesting turn of events, and you have really set us up for some potential with Susan's story. I noticed you slipped into the present tense a few times. You may want to take a look at that.
Sue
At age Seventy-six, he felt -- typo with the capital S
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Thank you for the review and edit suggestions. Terry.
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Welcome. :-)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay, now we know what happened to all Sam's sperm donation. Let's see what happens with Susan. I enjoyed reading and can't wait for the next installment. Thank you for reading.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Okay, now we know what happened to all Sam's sperm donation. Let's see what happens with Susan. I enjoyed reading and can't wait for the next installment. Thank you for reading.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2022
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Barbara, Thank you for the review, the final installment will post on Friday. Terry.
