Follow me, Dragon
A children's fantasy story.6 total reviews
Comment from TDLRasmar
I thought this was a very appealing story. I liked a lot of the little things that you did. The goose was a very nice touch. There is a stretch right after you introduce the goose of a lot of dialogue and she doesn't speak until the end. I liked the goose as character and would have liked to have her speak.
Good luck on your entry.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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I thought this was a very appealing story. I liked a lot of the little things that you did. The goose was a very nice touch. There is a stretch right after you introduce the goose of a lot of dialogue and she doesn't speak until the end. I liked the goose as character and would have liked to have her speak.
Good luck on your entry.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you. I will give the story another reading and think about
what the goose might have to say. Thank you for reading and
sharing.
Comment from Nikki Marie
This was very well written......I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish! Yeah I have a great talent for keeping the reader entertained and painting a great picture for our imagination. Thank you for sharing I look forward to reading more by you
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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This was very well written......I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish! Yeah I have a great talent for keeping the reader entertained and painting a great picture for our imagination. Thank you for sharing I look forward to reading more by you
Comment Written 04-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Sounds like I need to keep writing. Maybe, I do have talent and
some imagination. When you judge yourself, you never know.
Thank you for the encouragement and the six stars.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
This is a very imaginative and creative children's story about creating imagination in children and about Little Dragon coming of age and finding his own confidence. Very well-written and entertaining, especially for children.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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This is a very imaginative and creative children's story about creating imagination in children and about Little Dragon coming of age and finding his own confidence. Very well-written and entertaining, especially for children.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my story. Also, it
means a great deal to me for you to say my story is imaginative and
creative.
Comment from Nic
This is a cute story and I think kids will like it. I would consider condensing it wherever possible as it does bog down in places.
I have a couple of questions and suggestions.
Why giant-sized door? Given how often this comes up (especially in the beginning) I'd recommend going with giant door. I understand you may be emphasizing that it is a door literally sized for giants to use, but I think that the clunkiness of giant-sized outweighs the gains of any meaning "-sized" might add.
The word "automatically" in the sentence "When he arrived at the giant-sized blue door, it automatically opened" sticks out to me. I think partly because it doesn't match the whimiscal nature of the story as much as it would if the door did it of it's own accord Something as simple as "it opened on it's own" might work better or perhaps you could anthropomorphize it further by having the door great Dragon.
Why does Tina have a normal name but Dragon (even when he takes on Imagine the Dragon), Wizard, Goose, and Cat do not?
I hope this is helpful!
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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This is a cute story and I think kids will like it. I would consider condensing it wherever possible as it does bog down in places.
I have a couple of questions and suggestions.
Why giant-sized door? Given how often this comes up (especially in the beginning) I'd recommend going with giant door. I understand you may be emphasizing that it is a door literally sized for giants to use, but I think that the clunkiness of giant-sized outweighs the gains of any meaning "-sized" might add.
The word "automatically" in the sentence "When he arrived at the giant-sized blue door, it automatically opened" sticks out to me. I think partly because it doesn't match the whimiscal nature of the story as much as it would if the door did it of it's own accord Something as simple as "it opened on it's own" might work better or perhaps you could anthropomorphize it further by having the door great Dragon.
Why does Tina have a normal name but Dragon (even when he takes on Imagine the Dragon), Wizard, Goose, and Cat do not?
I hope this is helpful!
Comment Written 28-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2022
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my fantasy story. I will take
your recommendations under consideration. It's always good to
hear another person's viewpoint when so much time of being a
writer is spent alone.
Comment from prettybluebirds
What a cute and creative story. You hooked me with the first word and kept me there until the end. This is a beautiful story that any child would love to read. I know this old child loved it. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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What a cute and creative story. You hooked me with the first word and kept me there until the end. This is a beautiful story that any child would love to read. I know this old child loved it. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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Oh my! You have surprised me with your wonderful review. I am happy you found my story creative and beautiful for children. I'm excited you loved it too. All the writing books say the reader needs
to be hooked from the beginning. That is a great compliment you have given me. Thank you so much.
Comment from sunnilicious
That was a nice story with a mix of narrative and dialogue. I was scared for the little dragon. Glittery sounds nice, but heavy makes me think of real diamonds. A bit long, but cute. I liked the artwork choice too. Excellent work :)
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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That was a nice story with a mix of narrative and dialogue. I was scared for the little dragon. Glittery sounds nice, but heavy makes me think of real diamonds. A bit long, but cute. I liked the artwork choice too. Excellent work :)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2022
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my children's story.
