senyru (daddy was broken)
senyru contest10 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
Oh, just so very poignant and
beautiful!
This reminds me of my father, the same...
war, loss and alcohol...and love.
This is just beautiful Miss Val.
Blessings...
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Oh, just so very poignant and
beautiful!
This reminds me of my father, the same...
war, loss and alcohol...and love.
This is just beautiful Miss Val.
Blessings...
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2022
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Your review lifts my heart, as so many of us had the same life. Yet, love was left behind.
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That's how I'll remember him. I loved this. Have a great weekend!!!
Comment from Bill Schott
This senryu, Daddy was Broken, presented with a 5-7-5 formatting, finds that even a broken man has the capacity to show grace to others.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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This senryu, Daddy was Broken, presented with a 5-7-5 formatting, finds that even a broken man has the capacity to show grace to others.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2022
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Thank you for "getting " my senyru
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Sometimes the things "Daddys" are subjected to are far out of their control. War, the loss from that war, could both lead a man to drink. But in your case, in this verse, "Daddy" at least had the wits to love.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Sometimes the things "Daddys" are subjected to are far out of their control. War, the loss from that war, could both lead a man to drink. But in your case, in this verse, "Daddy" at least had the wits to love.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you, yes he did.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
It is difficult to write a Senryu that is remembered for many reasons. One is that as it can't rhyme, poetic devices are more limited. The use of enjambment (as here) is rare and effective. Kate xx
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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It is difficult to write a Senryu that is remembered for many reasons. One is that as it can't rhyme, poetic devices are more limited. The use of enjambment (as here) is rare and effective. Kate xx
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the lovely review. Part of why I love Japanese Short Form are the reasons you mention
Comment from Wendy G
The gift of love is the most precious gift of all, and the other issues he had are easy to understand. He valued his love for you, and that's probably what kept him going. Beautiful. Best wishes for this lovely tribute to him.
Wendy
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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The gift of love is the most precious gift of all, and the other issues he had are easy to understand. He valued his love for you, and that's probably what kept him going. Beautiful. Best wishes for this lovely tribute to him.
Wendy
Comment Written 18-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much for this beautiful review.
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
What a heartfelt poem with a very poignant message. The font size needs to be larger to make it more prominent. I feel you need a larger and more recognizable visual. This visual is okay. It fits the text but isn't prominent. The poem is great, but the presentation could be better. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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What a heartfelt poem with a very poignant message. The font size needs to be larger to make it more prominent. I feel you need a larger and more recognizable visual. This visual is okay. It fits the text but isn't prominent. The poem is great, but the presentation could be better. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Thank you for your review and suggestion. I am quite hopeless at the font on this site, but will look at it.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Lovely and moving senyu for the response to the prompt. It resonated with me because it fits my life in many ways--broken by alcohol and loss but leaving love (i hope)
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Lovely and moving senyu for the response to the prompt. It resonated with me because it fits my life in many ways--broken by alcohol and loss but leaving love (i hope)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Oh, thank you so much for this touching review. Fingers crossed on my end too
Comment from Jay Squires
Here, as with so many Senryu and Haiku poems, there is so much not explained but left for eager minds to fill in the gaps. There is such a sad echo in word "left". One wonders how much love he could leave behind. This is a marvelous Senryu you've written.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Here, as with so many Senryu and Haiku poems, there is so much not explained but left for eager minds to fill in the gaps. There is such a sad echo in word "left". One wonders how much love he could leave behind. This is a marvelous Senryu you've written.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2022
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Thank you for this fabulous review. Yes, you're correct senyru and haiku leave a great deal to the imagination.
Comment from lancellot
daddy was broken
by war, loss, and alcohol
yet, he left me love
Your form is perfect and this is about human issues and emotion.
It also shows, the love can come from any source, even a heart that has been through trauma.
Well done. Good luck in the voting.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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daddy was broken
by war, loss, and alcohol
yet, he left me love
Your form is perfect and this is about human issues and emotion.
It also shows, the love can come from any source, even a heart that has been through trauma.
Well done. Good luck in the voting.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from rspoet
This is an excellent 5-7-5 senryu for the contest
with an emotional theme that many can relate to,
war changes a person forever, and few talk about it.
Very well done.
Best wishes in the contest.
Robert
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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This is an excellent 5-7-5 senryu for the contest
with an emotional theme that many can relate to,
war changes a person forever, and few talk about it.
Very well done.
Best wishes in the contest.
Robert
Comment Written 16-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2022
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Thank you, as always I am surprised by how little people understand senyru as you do. Well I guess "it is what it is" reading the other entries is depressing. Sorry, for venting.
